To think some newborns are ‘easier’ than others or am I just a shit mum!

[anonny55]

Dm always goes on about how easy she found newborns etc. I’m struggling a lot! When I tell dm he’s not as easy as some other newborns I know she says there’s no such thing and 1 baby can’t be worse than another as there all baby’s. I believe there all different which can impact how easy parents can find it.
For example my 6 week old has never slept longer than a 1hr30 stretch in his next to me crib so far. So I’m constantly up soothing putting him back down etc. he also has milk every 2-3hrs through the day and night still which he wakes for.
My friend has a 4 week old and she said she’s pleasantly surprised and finding it quite easy, her baby has milk every 4-5hrs and sleeps fine in his next to me crib and will go straight back down after he wakes for milk.

Ds sleeps in his crib for around 30 mins a time on average before he’s awake and wants picking up. It’s so draining. Yet my mother invalidates how hard I’m finding it as apparently I slept through the night pretty quick and was rather content being in my crib.

I feel like the only mother who has a baby like this and I must just be doing a shit job!

Ah yes, I remember this bit.

DS1 was ebf and we were parked up and I fed him in the backseat. I passed him to now xh who changed him in the front seat. Xh ended up covered in horrible yellow runny babyshit. I swear I didn't laugh.

When ds1 was eventually changed xh passed him to me in the back seat and ds1 promptly vommed curdled milk all over me. Xh laughed.

So he was covered in shit and i was covered in spew.

Remember to pack an outfit for yourself as well as the baby when you go out! Or at least a tshirt.

My eldest did a poo on the floor in a fancy Italian cafe in front of all the NCT mums. God.

And she also did a massive poo all over my mum’s best new trousers. Never heard the end of that…..

I had two different babies.

First was difficult because colicky and sore possibly allergic/sensitive to milk.
Second was very different.

Our first was a nightmare lol first 6 weeks I felt like I would never get to sleep again ,hated his crib, 45mins ping awake...At 6 weeks I decided no more crib and from then on he slept fine and by almost 2 was in his own bed, sleeping all night. The next single after 2 nights I stopped the crib again and everything was fine so by the time the twins came along I didn't bother even getting cribs and they were fine to. Wether it's true or not an older midwife said they wake themselves hitting the sides of crib with feet or arms waking themselves it worked for us taking them out but either way our now 4,3 and 2 year olds all sleep in there own rooms and beds now. So for us the common factor nobody liked a crib once we figured that the rest were fine. Hope you get some zzzzzzs soon 😊

No you’re definitely not being unreasonable.
It is impossible to compare the experience one parent has with their particular child compared with another.

Babies are all so different, some sleep better or worse than others. My own baby slept well enough as a newborn if she was in my arms/attached to be breast. Lovely but exhausting. She struggled with sleeping on her own in the cot and even now at nearly 1.5 she doesn’t sleep through the night.

Some women struggle enormously with breastfeeding, some babies take right to it. Other babies will have reflux, colic or other medical complications, have been born prematurely or maybe the parents are struggling financially or in their relationship.

All this is to say every child will challenge their parents at some stage. Some love the newborn stage and others find it so difficult they cannot imagine ever coping with a second. Some have “easy” newborns and “difficult” toddlers. Personally I think labels and comparisons are really easy to make but aren’t particularly helpful.

Congratulations on your precious new baby, and remember you are the best mother for your baby and I highly doubt your baby thinks you’re a shit mum - you are their whole world. All the love and care you give your baby is so important and often completely undervalued.

Mine slept through from 2 months old. Thank my lucky stars that it wasn't different as I would say sleep deprivation is the single most stressful factor on a relationship. I doubt i could have coped, especially as at the time i had a horrible, abusive partner. Your mum is right in that everyone is different but don't let that make you feel bad.

Have you consider cows milk protein allergy or soya or egg allergy? My eldest was exactly like you describe. Especially the explosive shits! I was breastfeeding and tried cutting dairy out but my family were unsupportive so I added it back and at 6 months when we started weaning he would get rashes from dairy and egg products! So I am sure if I had cut those out properly sooner he would have been a different baby. It can take 6 weeks for it to leave your system. Dairy free mum on insta has some good tips and recipes.

Doctors can help with formula alternatives if you are bottle feeding (sorry if you have already said how you feed).

100% they are all different. DM needs to zip it.

Yes. DS2 was a difficult baby. He didn’t sleep through until 18 months. He was still waking 2-3 times a night when I went back to work at 12 months. I has DD 3.5yrs later. DS2 was an amazing child though, he never caused me an ounce of trouble after he was about 3. He is 21 this year, graduates soon (likely a 1st at a top uni) and has a career in the city starting in Sep. It is draining at the time, but the baby years do go back quickly. As I tell my young colleagues - the years are long, but the days are short.

@WhyxI’ve seen a few people say that on this thread, I looked up the symptoms online and he doesn’t seem to have any really..I formula feed🥰 he’s had constipation before too and I took him to the drs who gave laxative and told me to switch to comfort for constipation which I did. Now he explodes a couple times a week instead but doesn’t scream in pain scrunching his legs like he used to for hours when he was constipated!

My first was an absolute nightmare and I was very worried about having a second but 7 years later (which was about and year after DD finally started sleeping through the night!) I had another baby and he was completely different, a dream baby, it was very rare that he was even sad, let alone difficult. Easy toddler too.
On the plus side, my difficult baby is an easy and pleasant teenager right now so maybe it balances out (and DS will be a nightmare teen to make up for being an easy baby!)

The explosive poo is definitely a sign - does it stink too?

With that and being up screaming a lot - I’d try and get the GP to prescribe some dairy free formula (or buy one tub) just to see if it makes a difference. You may have to spend a few days mixing the two as the dairy free tastes very different - I did 1 oz DF and the rest normal and then each day or two upped an ounce until he was used to the DF. Honestly within 24 hours he was so much better and within a month he was actually sleeping not waking every hour screaming until I could feed him and he was exhausted enough from the screaming to sleep for another hour before we did it all again.

ETA: Nutramigen is what they’ll try first as the milk proteins are still there but highly broken down and if that doesn’t work it was neocate for DS2 which is amino acid based instead of milk protein.

Hope it's going ok @anonny55
My lo had her jabs yesterday and it was a nightmare, really really screamed, but it's all over today and already seems much calmer. So, when you get to the jabs don't panic there may be a really really tough day and night ahead but it will be ok.
Trying to slow down and enjoy this postpartum but it's tough when your baby is high needs!

Awww I was you with my newborn! Felt like all the other mums had calm babies who slept and didn’t make a peep, went to sleep easily and slept for ages. You are absolutely right some babies are easier than others!

Mine cried wherever I went and never slept, never fell asleep easily either even at 3am! Then she turned 4 months and suddenly slept so much better, slept through the night at 5 months which was earlier than lots of other babies.

Also just remind yourself you often hear the best from other people - I was always honest about my DD sleep but you find that not everyone else is and they paint it to be better than it is.

You are not a shit mum
My first baby was a dream child. So easy going and laid back, slept through the night early. Then I had DD2. She was incredibly hard work. She cried a lot (colic) and nothing worked except me holding her. She didn't sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time and I honestly think if she had been my first baby I wouldn't have had a second . Obviously love her to pieces but didn't really become easier until she started school..
My third baby (12 years after my second!) was fairly middle of the road. He was easy in some ways and hard in others (mainly sleeping).
So all mine were different and when your mum says how easy you were I wonder if she's remembering it through rose tinted spectacles.

@BraOffPjsOnhis poop smells so bad I’ve bought a nose peg from Amazon. And I have a strong stomach for smells. It is absolutely vile. This only started since the comfort milk though. gp said it’s normal for baby’s to have really stinky poo on comfort🧐

@TISagoodday well last night, he slept in my bed next to me (safe co sleeping) and he woke every 3hrs for milk and barely made a peep. I feel like a new woman and a very proud mum! It may all go to shit tonight but hey a wins a win :). Sorry to hear you had a a rough one, that reminds me I need to book his jabs!! I’m glad it’s been better today. I’m dreading jab day

It’s not parenting, some babies are just harder work. I was very smug with my DS, who would obligingly fall fast asleep as soon as he was put in his baby box when I decided it was nap time- even, once, in the middle of a very loud wake. However, he transformed into an absolute sleep terror at around 2 years old and is still, frankly, a pain in the arse with going to bed at six years old.

Some of my friends had really challenging babies who screamed and resisted sleep, up every hour etc. But most of those children had nailed bedtime by the time they were toddlers, I think I’m the only one still dealing with bedtime issues 😆

My point is that it’s a rare child who is easy going all the way through, most will be highly challenging at some point. It’s just harder when you’ve got a non-sleeping baby because there’s such a limit to what you can do, it’s not like you can reason with them!

Ignore your mum, she’s being extremely unhelpful. Perhaps you could suggest that she tries settling the baby for a nap (with you there to ensure she doesn’t just leave him to cry for ages) so she can see what it’s like.

Just remember that it will pass, it does feel like ages when you’re in the thick of it, but it will almost certainly get better faster than you think.

Just a small bit of advice (I expect you’re probably sick of people giving unsolicited advice on the subject), but do you swaddle? DS barely slept for the first few days of life until a midwife swaddled him and he was out like a light. We got very thin, breathable cotton swaddles that have a sort of bag section that you insert the bottom half of the baby into and then fabric ‘arms’ that wrap around the baby’s arms and secure with Velcro. DS was swaddled for every sleep and I do think that made a difference, he would startle awake without the swaddle. I would never have thought of it if the midwife hadn’t swaddled him in hospital, so I thought I’d mention it!

@godsmessageive tried swaddle, just a blanket, armless sleep sack, sleep sack with arms built in..it made no different past 2 weeks old unfortunately:( in the earlier days swaddling helped now he just don’t care🤣😆

YANBU. Your mother is.

Of course they're all different. My second was so much easier than my first that I actually made an appointment at the doctor and asked if she was normal! I was so confused and wondered if there was something wrong because number one was a nightmare by comparison. Now they're older they have of course completely reversed those positions.

well..did a flip switch or has it just been a good night and now day?! Both times I’ve took him in a restaurant he’s screamed to get out of the pram so I’ve had to hold him and eat with one hand..out for lunch with a friend and he’s peacefully sleeping alone in his pram still now we’ve finished eating!!😆 I am one Happy mumma right now!

Hmm they aren’t all that knowledgeable usually about these things. Have you got a health visitor or weigh in clinic you could go to to have a chat with someone who could know more and give some advice. Not normal for it to stink that much!

Glad you’ve had a better night’s sleep though!

Amazing! Am so pleased for you! Long may it continue!!