To think some newborns are ‘easier’ than others or am I just a shit mum!

[anonny55]

Dm always goes on about how easy she found newborns etc. I’m struggling a lot! When I tell dm he’s not as easy as some other newborns I know she says there’s no such thing and 1 baby can’t be worse than another as there all baby’s. I believe there all different which can impact how easy parents can find it.
For example my 6 week old has never slept longer than a 1hr30 stretch in his next to me crib so far. So I’m constantly up soothing putting him back down etc. he also has milk every 2-3hrs through the day and night still which he wakes for.
My friend has a 4 week old and she said she’s pleasantly surprised and finding it quite easy, her baby has milk every 4-5hrs and sleeps fine in his next to me crib and will go straight back down after he wakes for milk.

Ds sleeps in his crib for around 30 mins a time on average before he’s awake and wants picking up. It’s so draining. Yet my mother invalidates how hard I’m finding it as apparently I slept through the night pretty quick and was rather content being in my crib.

I feel like the only mother who has a baby like this and I must just be doing a shit job!

My mum said none of her kids ever cried even once 😂😂😂 dw about it just keep doing what you’re doing, I’m sure you’re a great mum ❤️

Pack the bag and some bottles of expressed milk and wave her off each evening for the next few nights 😉. That also helps with the sex as there no aphrodisiac is as good as a decent night's sleep.

Babies can be utterly different from each other. Two of mine were horrendous, two easy in the early months. It was only grim determination not to have an only child which made us proceed to DC2 and DC1 was still waking up every night when DC2 was born. I swear DC2 was sleeping reliably before DC1. DC2 was easy but of the youngest two one was easy, one was a nightmare.

Many things can be true. First time around its normal to be more anxious and babies do pick up on this but its also true that some babies are simply much more difficult. My younger nightmare baby wasn't less of a nightmare for my being experienced but I wasn't listening to anyone chatting shit about it being my fault and I knew it would pass eventually - this helps with morale, if not with sleep.

What I did find with all of them was a bit of an improvement at about six weeks and a significant improvement at round three months. The babies grow out of it, sadly people talking nonsense rarely do.

From women telling me I should try it as that’s what they did

Mine were all different. If DS3 had been the first he would be an only.

My oldest didn't sleep through until he was 2.5 and only slept if right next to me, on me or in a pram until then. So I would say that yes, some babies are definitely more difficult than others!

There is a reason there is a 3.5 year gap between my children - I had no interest in adding to an already difficulty and sleepless situation until things improved on that front :) Meanwhile my friend is 16 weeks pregnant with baby number 4, her oldest is in reception and current youngest 8 months old... Her babies clearly sleep well 😂

Your Mum shouldn’t invalidate your experience. Just for the record, I found the early days a nightmare, sleep and breastfeeding related.

Please take comfort in that no, for some its very difficult

I suppose my question is why is your mum trying to make you feel like a shit mum. It sounds like it's all about her. Both my DDs were exactly like your baby OP. It's shit but it passes. And yes I did go on to have a second but only once it was a lot easier to deal with DD1 so I knew it would pass.

Of course Yanbu! DS was a dream baby, couldn't have been easier. DD was the exact opposite, gave me a really hard time. Different babies, different personalities. They are teens now and still complete opposites.

I feel you, having a rubbish time with my 8 week old at the moment. Won't link sleep cycles so is up every 45 minutes, does one 4 hour stretch and that's that (so at least I have that) but just cannot seem to nap properly in the day or sleep for the rest of the night
My other daughter was sleeping 8 hours at this stage and at least would nap longer than half an hour on me/ in the car (this one won't even do that)
I am miserable, demoralised and have banned myself from Instagram where perfect babies drift off in their perfect cots in their perfect nurseries independently.
It will pass but it is crap. Sending hugs.

YANBU, every baby is different.

DD1 - easy baby, slept through from 6 weeks and would just eat, sleep and play.

DD2- high needs baby. Didn't sleep day or night for over a year. Cried a lot and couldn't be put down.

DS - absolutely dream. Never woke for a night feed. Was the most calm baby and now teenager.

I found my beautiful but highly fussy newborn became a fussy toddler in the first few months/year. The hard times were endless. I could see other kids were just quite chill and I found myself feeling like a failure when I’d have my hands full all the time. I remember I would try to meet other mums at story time in the library and all other kids at my DC’s age were attentive and quietly sitting with their parent. My kid was wild just unsettled and screeching. I went a few times and tried so many methods to keep the calm - nope! So I had many isolating moments with a baby that maybe wasn’t as easy as others.

I won’t be having another. I am happy though to report DC is 2.5 and the terrible 2s did kick off but something has changed. We are having a much easier time, her fussy and intense ways has turned her into a strongly-minded toddler and she is observant and keen to do everything herself and learn fast. I tell people, she is a girl who knows her own mind.

You’re not alone OP 💐

My first had colic and reflux, he screamed most of time he was awake, unless in a carrier. From 5pm to midnight he screamed with colic. But 9 years later he's a wonderful child.

Second one had no colic, slept in a routine early on, is playful and not clingy as a toddler. She happily plays for hours with minimal interaction.

Some babies are 100% easier than others. My first was really hard. The first 6 months were the most difficult time of my life and she's now 3 and I have not yet felt any stage has been tougher than the newborn stage with her. I felt at the time like I must have been doing a rubbish job and simply can't have been cut out for being a mum. I do think in hindsight there was also some undiagnosed PPD going on which probably contributed, but there was still no denying that she was a tough baby.

When we were having our second I was preparing myself mentally for it all over again, but in the end it was just so different. I remember being genuinely confused and actually worried something wasn't right, because she was just quiet and content a lot of the time, and she slept well, lol. I kept waiting for the colic to start, but it just never did. The difference between them was night and day.

You are not doing a shit job! Children are all different, some sleep more than others or are more fussy. My DD slept well and really enjoyed her milk, it doesn't make me super mum, Im just lucky! Even when she was tiny I knew I was lucky, it was nothing that I had done. She is an only child through choice, goodness knows what a second child may have been like!

Oh my god! What nonsense. Mt first born was a bloody awful newborn. Wouldn’t sleep unless being held for 6 weeks, cried from 6pm-midnight. Just a fuss pot. I was dreading the newborn phase again but with second born (both girls so not that) she was a DREAM and I could have had 10 of her I loved her newborn phase. We put her down in the next to me and didn’t k kw what to do we weee like oh? We can go to sleep? Like on our own? It was bizarre the difference! You’re doing AMAZING and don’t listen to her!

Oh and of course I forgot to add- we are fantastic mums who have done nothing wrong and just have babies who don't sleep independently- you're doing a fab job!
My mum's passed now but she had 5- all completely different she used to say- first a dream, second colic 4-6 hours a day for three months(!!!!) , third fussy when awake but slept ok, fourth very sicky and 5th another dream so just goes to show all different same parent- you're doing great!

You’re an awesome mom! I found newborn/ infant stage so bad I decided to never put myself through it again. Some people love the stage ( and it is somewhat baby dependent) and many don’t.

I feel this. I am absolutely terrified to take him to a baby class. My friend is eager to take the boys together and I’d totally rather not. Atleast at home he can scream his heart out and there’s no comparison of anyone else’s lovely quiet baby’s!

My newborn was completely nocturnal unlike all the others in my NCT. Of course babies are all different! Don't listen. You're doing great

i think this is why I feel such a terrible mother. I’m not really enjoying it much. It’s just so difficult. I never ever want to do this again, every day that goes past I’m like thank god that’s a day closer to things hopefully getting better. DH was a little saddened that I said I never want another baby again, if I got an escape to work every day and only had him at night i might feel the same.

i feel guilty for wishing these days away because ill never get them back and i feel sad that he wont be a newborn for much longer but im SO done with this stage. Everyone seems to love the newborn part yet i totally don’t and dont wish to go through it again

There is a massive variance, of course there is. And it's nothing to do with the parents - if it was, why would siblings turn out so different? I had one average baby who woke up one or two times a night and slept through from around 6 months, and one baby who woke up every 30-90 minutes, wouldn't sleep without being on me, wouldn't eat, destroyed all her toys etc.

Your mum is being really unhelpful. Of course having a baby who sleeps all night and naps reliably foe a few hours in the day is going to feel much easier for the parent than a baby who wakes multiple times, only naps for 20 min at a time, and screams til they puke every time they're put down for more than 10 seconds.

@TISagoodday sending love, I keep telling myself, you will sleep again!! He will grow up and sleep alone for long periods one day🤞🏽

Your mum is wrong and frankly a bit stupid. Or horrible. Or both. Why are some mothers like this.
Was she a loving kind mother to you growing up?

Absolutely all babies are different and it can be so hard. It’s not uncommon to not enjoy the newborn days. When babies get older and you reflect back it’s much easier to say oh it was easier when I just fed changed and got them to nap all day and cuddled them and not deal with the new challenges of toddlers etc however when your in the trenches of those long days/nights of the constant feeding, changing and settling to sleep it’s not easy at all and feels like it will never change and this sleep deprived exhausted stage of life is all consuming. I hope the responses your have had have helped you feel better and that your feelings are valid and doesn’t make you a bad mum at all.

Not really. I had a SEN brother though who needed a LOT of time and support so I always felt a little pushed to the side and not given much time or interest