To think some newborns are ‘easier’ than others or am I just a shit mum!

[anonny55]

Dm always goes on about how easy she found newborns etc. I’m struggling a lot! When I tell dm he’s not as easy as some other newborns I know she says there’s no such thing and 1 baby can’t be worse than another as there all baby’s. I believe there all different which can impact how easy parents can find it.
For example my 6 week old has never slept longer than a 1hr30 stretch in his next to me crib so far. So I’m constantly up soothing putting him back down etc. he also has milk every 2-3hrs through the day and night still which he wakes for.
My friend has a 4 week old and she said she’s pleasantly surprised and finding it quite easy, her baby has milk every 4-5hrs and sleeps fine in his next to me crib and will go straight back down after he wakes for milk.

Ds sleeps in his crib for around 30 mins a time on average before he’s awake and wants picking up. It’s so draining. Yet my mother invalidates how hard I’m finding it as apparently I slept through the night pretty quick and was rather content being in my crib.

I feel like the only mother who has a baby like this and I must just be doing a shit job!

Thank you all for your lovely comments and encouragement ❤️

My mum wasn't going to but her doctor told her she wouldn't get pregnant if she was still breastfeeding. 😂Apparently I was lovely though and amazing at sleeping.

Of course yanbu. My first was a nightmare. Was it the fact I was a 1st time mum or was he difficult? I don’t know. My 2nd was easier but still hard work, she wanted to feed constantly and cried anytime she wasn’t. My 3rd was a dream.

You might not like what I learned as it was that a fairly strict routine was key to good sleep. I know it's controversial but it worked for me, I was more than happy to forego some freedom during the day to stick to set feed and nap times during the day and a consistent bed time routine.

Not saying it will suit every baby and maybe my second would have been a better sleeper away but I knew I had to make changes or I'd have been exhausted

Good luck

They're (almost) all easy in some ways and hard in others. Mine were up every hour for the first year. That was tiring, but apart from that they were easy. My older sister had really good sleepers who did 3 hour stretches, but hers were grouchier during the day.

Just do the best you can with the baby you have, allow yourself a break wherever possible, and keep on keeping on. Ignore people who compare you/your baby with their experience.

Maybe you yourself were an 'easy' baby at night, but you probably roared the house down when teething and had a really nasty biting phase or something. Your mum will just have forgotten. We all forget the shit stuff.

I had 'easy' newborns but neither tolerated the next to me. They wanted something more cocooning so used a moses basket until they out grew it. I would rock it slightly or pat their tummy if they stirred in the night. Make sure you don't get them out of it at the first sign of them being awake. They will often put themselves back to sleep!

@MissDoubleU yes that’s exactly it😂😂😂
’he just needed his nanny’s touch see he’s quiet now I’ve got him’
you see him 1hr per week..not the other 167!

My SIL had a perfect first baby. Slept for hours, breast fed easily. Never cried. She set herself up in business as an advisor to the mums in the area who weren't as perfect as her. Then she had a second baby. That baby had reflux and colic , fed badly, hardly slept. The business folded when she realised that she wasn't the perfect mother she thought she was. It was luck. The perfect baby is now 14 and has a diagnosis of autism. The more tricky baby is 12 and doesn't.

Mine was the easiest baby in the world, my friend’s was such a nightmare I was embarrassed to visit her with mine. Couldn’t have been more different.

I had two more. I think the first is such a shock to your system that doesn’t help. You’re constantly worried whether they’re eating enough, are they cold, are they too hot? Are they sleeping/eating/pooing/burping too much/not enough etc etc etc. with the 2nd and third I was A LOT more relaxed and didn’t stress anywhere near as much.

Of course some babies are easier than others. Your mum is talking nonsense.

But don't despair if you've got a tough nut to crack. Wait until your non-mobile potato becomes a crawler and then a toddler and then it's "all-change". Some babies don't like being babies and are much easier when they're more comfortable in the world, are starting to figure out how it works, and on the move. My DC1 was like that. A "difficult" baby, low sleep needs, but was a fairly chilled, independent toddler so long as exercised sufficiently. Some content babies do turn into content children, of course, and some trickier ones remain a bit tricky, but you can't necessarily predict anything at newborn stage.

When DS was born, he was such an easy baby, and my eldest had been a nightmare. If I'd had him first I would have thought i was a great mother!

@BarnacleBeasley
I’m on the pill already even though there’s definitely no time for sex anyway!!🤣

I could have wrote this a year ago. It felt like my little one never slept! I use to read ‘newborns sleep for up to 18-20hrs per day..’ Not mine!! She would wake in the night for a feed, take up to 30/40mins to feed, another 30 mins to burp and then would sleep for about 45mins before starting the routine again. And then she would do 20min naps in the day. All babies really are so so different! You must have been the perfect baby for your mum 😂
I also went through the ‘we’ve made a terrible mistake’ thoughts and would sit crying and crying.
We now have a beautiful 1 year old who is a joy (bar the paddy’s!) and now feel at a point when I would consider a 2nd.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job. And don’t forget your body is still healing and recovering. Enjoy the time with your little one ♥️

I think some babies are easier. But I do think a lot depends on circumstances too. I was incredibly lucky in that nobody expected me to do anything at all but look after my new borns. Either my dp or my mum or my mil did everything else-including leaving me flasks and lunch if I was going to be alone. And I had lived a lot of life, so I was settled and confident. And it was in the days where co sleeping was allowed. I think there is far too much pressure on young mothers to do it all these days.

You're doing a fantastic job! Ignore your mum. I hated comments like this when my eldest was little. It makes you feel like shit. I had two very very different babies. My first nearly broke me and I was hallucinating with lack of sleep. My second was a much more chilled baby and was so much easier. Completely different experiences. They were parented in the same way. It totally depends on the baby.

I also have a theory that people forget what it's like after a few decades so much of what they say will be absolute bollocks.

Take each day as it comes, I'm sure you're doing an amazing job.

Did any of you go onto have a 2nd if your 1st was that difficult? I always wanted 2 but I think little mr will be an only child now
Anyone that I know who did went on to have a dream baby. You only get one rascal from two. Wouldn't risk a 3rd.
I have 3 friends which were terrified after baby number 1, that had a dreamy baby number 2.

Your mum is talking rubbish, ignore.
All babies are different. I was fortunate enough to have one of the easiest babies on the planet but I had no illusions that the next one would be the same. Its part of the reason DS is an only child😁

Ive had 3 babies and they were all completely different in terms of how much time and attention they needed. Oldest DS is would say was an “average baby” as in I don’t think he was too taxing but had his moments. Middle DD was the one who nearly broke me lol. She didn’t sleep much and had colic and even now at 13 she needs minimal sleep and is always on the go. My youngest DD slept the night from 4 weeks old (and she was BF) and she’s still the most easy going thing who loves her sleep.

you’re not doing a shit job, baby is still tiny and honestly it will pass and get better. You’re in the trenches now. Be kind to yourself

Some babies are most definitely easier than others! My first broke me. 😅 Now they're an inquisitive, adventurous, loving child with the fieriest spirit and biggest heart.

Their younger sibling has so far, been the calmest baby. Was only up 1-2 times a night for the first four months, until the regression hit. Happy playing independently, prefers to figure things out on their own, the smiliest baba. Their personalities are so different, though I'm glad I got my fiery one first to brace me.

Some babies are just really hard work. My baby would not be put down AT ALL. Not even for a minute. On the rare occasions he would latch it was fine but most of the time he wouldn’t and he seemed to hate breastfeeding. He went on to be diagnosed with profound SEND but as a newborn I felt like I was going mad!

My friend’s baby was the most hellish newborn. She screamed CONSTANTLY. She’d arch her back in rage if she was touched. She only slept for about 40 mins at a a stretch. She walked at 6 months and was talking in full sentences at one, and at 7, she is a brilliant athlete, reading at a secondary school level and can debate like a politician. She was just really frustrated about not being able to do things, we think!

I had four babies. First three were very easy babies, slept through, fed well, weaned like a dream. I thought it was the way i reared them. I was a bit smug. Then we had our fourth and last. If the fourth was our first they would be an only child. The fourth rewrote the book. Didn't believe in sleep. Didn't feed properly. Would fall asleep after 1/4 of a bottle, wake up 20 mins later and repeat. Feeds were taking two hours , sleep and hour and a half if I was lucky then up again. Despised her crib, got a basket wouldn't settle in that, put her in a cot and she would move around and wedge herself. She's 19 now, sleeps the clock around, eats everything and is a dream. Hang in there you're doing great💐

OP, my eldest was flipping difficult, did have a second and they were a dream baby.

It definitely isn’t you - they have their own little personalities and we’re just here to feed, love and try to help them be their best selves - ideally without going totally insane during the process 😬🤣

I had my 1st who screamed or fed constantly for the initial 6 months. I used to get an hours nap about 3 times in every 24 hours. Never got time to pump so no one could give a bottle and give me a break.

My 2nd was sleeping in 4 hour stretches by 4 weeks old and 6 hours by 3 months.

Every child is different, even with the same parents.

@Historyofwolves makes a really good point - they sometimes do just go back to sleep. With DS2, we made ourselves wait 5 minutes before picking him up (also important for you to go and have a wee, get a drink etc. if you're going to feed) and often he turned out not to need picking up after all.

Also, the main important thing we learnt from that book, which we hadn't thought of before but then seemed obvious, is that babies cry for all sorts of reasons because it's the only thing they can do if things aren't right. And one of those reasons is pretty likely to be that they are tired but finding it hard to fall asleep. A sentiment I think we can all empathise with. So picking up and cuddling is one way to help them fall asleep, but you're allowed to try other ways, and the more strategies you give them, the easier it will get (for them and you).