To think some newborns are ‘easier’ than others or am I just a shit mum!

[anonny55]

Dm always goes on about how easy she found newborns etc. I’m struggling a lot! When I tell dm he’s not as easy as some other newborns I know she says there’s no such thing and 1 baby can’t be worse than another as there all baby’s. I believe there all different which can impact how easy parents can find it.
For example my 6 week old has never slept longer than a 1hr30 stretch in his next to me crib so far. So I’m constantly up soothing putting him back down etc. he also has milk every 2-3hrs through the day and night still which he wakes for.
My friend has a 4 week old and she said she’s pleasantly surprised and finding it quite easy, her baby has milk every 4-5hrs and sleeps fine in his next to me crib and will go straight back down after he wakes for milk.

Ds sleeps in his crib for around 30 mins a time on average before he’s awake and wants picking up. It’s so draining. Yet my mother invalidates how hard I’m finding it as apparently I slept through the night pretty quick and was rather content being in my crib.

I feel like the only mother who has a baby like this and I must just be doing a shit job!

Is he screaming in the day too?

I had 5 months of hell with DS1 (GP just said reflux so filled him with meds that did nothing). Health visitor saw me crying at a weigh in as he was up screaming every hour still and exploding 💩 and called the GP (his poo smelt even though breast fed and she said it shouldn’t) and told him to prescribe dairy free formula. Within 14hours my baby was fixed.

DS2 on the other hand had constant diarrhoea and wasn’t putting on weight so I made the GP put him on dairy free formula. After being told breast was best and some babies cry more and then being threatened with the paediatrician if he didn’t put on weight! For then the paediatrician to tell me never to go back to breastfeeding and prescribing a dairy free formula for severe CMPA.

It’s hard when you don’t have the magic baby but hang on in there and don’t suffer in silence x

@BraOffPjsOn it feels like he cries 24/7. He will feed, then sleep on me for a bit then wake up jolly and happy for around 20 mins. Then he’s awfully miserable and
just screams. No matter what I do. Change his nappy, try burp him again, try and play with him, put him in the pram and go for a walk, put him in the rocker , try and feed again. Everything I can think of - he doesn’t seem in pain and shows no signs or symptoms of being in pain or something being wrong so I just don’t understand why he screams to the point of being sick..then he’ll just stop and fine again. So strange , I find he does cry when trying to poop but he goes twice a day and it’s a normal consistency so I don’t think there’s a problem there..I can’t think of anything else he could be crying for.

my mum always says baby’s all cry for a reason so you need to figure out why, I just don’t know🧐

My DH has adhd and my midwife had 3 boys with adhd. She said there is 80% chance that if a parent has adhd and the baby is a boy , they will also have adhd. I wonder if he does and it could be related to that. Would it even show this early. Who knows I’m just looking for any answer at this point!

@anonny55 i relate to everything you are saying. Now I have a funny, amazing 6 year old that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world (and who sleeps! Sometimes 11-12 hrs in one ago!). However my mind for having another one hasn’t changed as every time I think back, all I feel is a relief it’s over and won’t have to do it ever again.

I also find that he needs a LOT of stimulation. Which is why I think he won’t ever just happily go for a nap or sit in his rocker/pram. He likes to be either in the car looking out the back window (he doesn’t even sleep in the car he just glares at the outside world!) or I put him in the carrier and take him around the supermarket and he’s amazed by everything that he sits silently with eyes wide open and mouth open mesmerised!🤣 except i had a c section and my back has been awful since the spinal so I can’t just walk with my now 14lb baby on me all day😆

My first was a really high needs baby, very screamy and suffered with silent reflux.

my second was an absolute dream as a newborn, so much more chilled.

You're not a shit mum, you're doing a great job and of course newborns are different! Tell your mum to pipe down.

I'm sorry you've got a non sleeper at the minute but it won't last forever ❤ everything is only ever a stage!

It’s so hard to tell but if he’s screaming and miserable then someone could be bothering him.
Are you breastfeeding? Could you cut out the dairy? (Although I tried and I just couldn’t cut out enough of all the intolerances).
A probiotic worked wonders for DS2 as his gut was so messed up (amazing dietician suggested that!)

You could try infacol and see if that eases reflux (although I found because the dairy was causing the reflux it didn’t solve it).

My brother was a nightmare as a baby (I’m certain he had a dairy allergy), I had a dairy allergy and was prescribed a different formula - but I had eczema and no one realised he was screaming in agony as no eczema! He has ADHD and Autism and you’re more likely to have food sensitivities with those. My DS1 is definitely neurodiverse and had severe food intolerances.

It can get better - it’s just finding someone who wi listen to you - the dairy free formula is so expensive they don’t want to prescribe it.

My baby nearly broke me. She didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time, only fed 1oz at a time then wouldn't wind. Slept for 20mins and up again for another few sips of milk. It was hell on earth & I hated every second of it. It's still talked about amongst all my friends what a difficult baby she was & how she cried 24/7. Looking back I think she had reflux but my GP just told me babies cry. She was an absolute dream from 6months onwards though & is still fabulous now at 12. Of course there were rare moments of joy but I dreaded every single night and she was fussy even during the day. I ended up buying headphones to wear in the house & out on walks because she cried regardless & it kept me more calm to rock her when I couldn't hear the screaming.

YNBU at all, and it does sound like you've got your work cut out. They do say easy babies, tough toddlers though so you may have the last laugh. Hang in there.

Your DM is being a twat. YANBU. Keep.up the good work. Solidarity.

My 2nd was fucking terrible at sleeping - she was still waking us 6 or 7 times a night at 2 and 3 years old!

We still had a 3rd!! 😂

Some babies are far easier than others. DD was a very fussy baby, DS wasn’t.

Also, people often remember the early years through rose tinted glasses….. remembering the cuddles and awe, but not the sleeplessness etc.

And I was ready to kill the next person who suggested to me that I “sleep when the baby sleeps”!! 😩

I did sleep when DS1 slept but having me up screaming every hour of the night still left me as a zombie even with daytime naps. It was the people who cooked and cleaned during naps that I hated!

Six weeks is a tough time, often. It's been long enough that you've been broken by the lack of sleep, but you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Your mum reminds me of my mum - laying blame on for something that isn't your fault. Mine asked me what I had been eating to make me get gestational diabetes, until my sister told her to pipe down because it's hormonal (my sister doesn't even have any kids herself!). It's tough when your mum is like that and you just want some support.

It WILL get better, it WILL get easier. It just feels like forever at the time. And yes, some babies are genuinely easier than others. I've got three and all were quite different as babies when it came to sleep.

My first was a high needs baby, to be honest I would have loved for her to go in her next to me crib for 30 mins to 1.5 hrs at a time during the night, for the first 12 weeks she only slept on me day during the day and night and refused her crib entirely, and only slept max 2 hour stretches until 12 weeks. My second has been so much easier, he went into his crib for a couple of hours at a time at night from week 4 and slept much longer stretches by 12 weeks. We did nothing differently, they’re just different babies.

I had twins, it’s the baby not you

Of course some babies are easier than others! You're absolutely not a shit mum, you're just a blooming tired mum doing your best! My 5th baby was a bugger, cried whenever he was put down - I just had him in the sling all the time because I had 4 other kids to look after and was walking up and down to the school 3 times a day. If he'd been my first baby, I'm not sure I'd have had any more 😂

My son never slept well as a newborn he would force himself awake all day, I would try everything to try to get him to nap. He's one year old now and still only naps once a day for 30 mins unless he goes to nursery he will nap for an hour. Some babies are very alert, and get frustrated because they want to be on the go and see the world, I found taking my son outside or sitting him at the window in his bouncer really helped. Also baby sensory class was amazing for him. People don't believe me when I say the day he was born he was awake from 3am until 1am.

YANBU and all babies are different. They are different people! DS1 was chilled. DS2 never slept. Ever. No more than 45 mins followed by an hour's screaming, whether we rocked him, fed him, hugged him, walked him. DS1 ate and reached his milestones. DS2 vomited everything back up, refused food, lost weight, delayed on all milestones.

Both grew up to be happy, laid back, loving, clever, hardworking, funny, kind. But very different as babies!

Some babies are just easier than others, I had two that were sleeping 4-6 hours in a stretch by 8 weeks.

they youngest made up for it by developing asthma at 4 months and earned us a frequent flyer badge at A&E during the winter months for a few years.

Some people DO have easier newborn babies - you’ll know because they find you and tell you IME.

Hugs OP - I actually think is have some mild PTSD from the news Ken says. It hit me like a double decker bus and it’s so annoying when people smugly announce it’s should be easy.

My advice: find your tribe. Find the mums struggling through it and talk about it together. It helps. Avoid the smug parents!

Definitely not, my son, now 12 was a really hyper sensitive baby and cried all the time, was v colicky. He's grown up to be a lovely, calm and a pretty easy child. My daughter was quite a dream as a baby and though still love her the same, she's a much fiestier child with a real temper on her! I was a bit more relaxed with second baby but don't think I did anything drastically different.

Of course some are easier.

For example my 6 week old has never slept longer than a 1hr30 stretch in his next to me crib so far. So I’m constantly up soothing putting him back down etc. he also has milk every 2-3hrs through the day and night still which he wakes for.
My friend has a 4 week old and she said she’s pleasantly surprised and finding it quite easy, her baby has milk every 4-5hrs and sleeps fine in his next to me crib and will go straight back down after he wakes for milk.

Its very unusual for a four week old to only feed every 4-5 hours.

Its completely normal for them to feed every 1-2 hours (or more likely an unpredictable pattern involving
Feed
1.5hrs
Another feed
45 mins
Feed
Feed
Feed (for about 2 hrs...)
Sleep for 3 hours
Feed
Etc

Some people adapt more easily to broken sleep than others. I was ok if i got 8 hours over 24, even if it was only 6 at night in short stretches with feeds and a couple of naps in the day. I had a friend who fell apart somewhat when she couldn't have an uninterrupted stretch of 4+ hours sleep.

Its also more typical for newborns to sleep better in your arms or a carrier. Lts of people also have the baby in their bed to make regular breastfeeds easy.

Your baby is 6 weeks old, you had a caesarean and your mum says stupid things (all babies are the same ffs lol) - it’s very early days, don’t panic, you are still healing and I hope your DH is really on the case.

He’s really been amazing thankfully. He does only get a small amount of sleep too as he has to go to work obviously and he helps throughout the night, atleast I don’t feel so alone with the sleep lacking😅