Asking ex husbands to be back up childcare if I go into labour

[Alicejuniper]

I genuinely want to know if I am in the wrong here.

currently ex husband sees kids every other weekends. We do live around 2hours away (this was due to financial reasons and other reasons).he is a very good father. I have been with my now oh for just over a year (known for nearly 2 decades) and are expecting a surprise baby in July. Current plan is that my mum will watch kids when I have my Elcs. She will have to travel down via public transport as she is also a bit of a distance. She has said that if I do go into labour beforehand she doesn’t know if she will be able to do it due to being dsis childcare and also due to public transport if not planned oh would have to meet her half way and she would have to travel back with them. I have asked exh as he has emergency carers leave that if I did go into labor would he be able to watch them while I am in labour/have cs as otherwise oh would have to stay with the kids and I would have to do it on my own. He has basically said that it is not his responsibility to help when it is not his kid and he thinks it is mean I am asking him. He has now calmed down but is still saying that he is unsure and thinks I am in the wrong for even considering him as a option. Wibu

Your ex is a prick. Of course he should help.

ask him what on earth he means by it’s not his responsibility as it’s not his kid. You’re asking him to look after his own kids not the new baby! Point out the older kids aren’t OH’s kids so why should he look after them? Would your ex prefer the kids are left home alone? If you were rushed into hospital really poorly for non pregnancy reasons would he refuse to look after his kids because it wasn’t his weekend? Idiot.

How far is your mum? I can’t imagine it being any easier for him to drop things when he’s 2 hours away than it will for your mum surely?

It’s fine for you to ask him, but equally fine if he declines

When my exH new partner was pregnant I was their childcare (although he never asked, i assumed.) He messaged me morning of saying she was in slow labour, I didn't even question that the kids would be with me. Wish I'd known he then wouldn't see them for several weeks after the baby was born however! But no, you're not being unreasonable

Gee, I can't imagine why he's an ex???

Fuck wit. It's his kids that need looking after not the baby you're pregnant, With and will be in labour with.

Do you not have any local friends or neighbours that would help you out?

You'd be unreasonable to ask him to mind your new baby though... wish, yes my exH did ask 🙄. Drew the line there though

I agree with this.

Why? Would op be UR if he was having a baby with a new wife and she was expected to use emergency leave to accommodate and said no?

Well, it will be if her mum has the other grandchildren already she's not gonna want to or maybe even be unable to bring them with her.

You're asking him to look after his own children because of a potential emergency situation. Would he be as difficult if you were asking because of a house fire, or a death in the family? He's seeing this through an entirely different lens - you need to correct his vision.

Going to assume he didn’t want the marriage to end.

You can ask but he doesn’t have to do you a favour.

Why is it fine for him to decline looking after his own kids?

If you have known your current partner for 20 years is there some form of resentment from your ex around the fact you started a relationship with someone who you knew whilst you were together? If he thinks there was something happening or festering before your breakup he may well not be happy to facilitate you starting a new family with this man.

not saying it’s right- but could well be the reason?

@PeloMom because this is his child and there's no one else to look after them? So yes. He's unreasonable and a prick. OP asked for our views, that's mine!

The children’s mother or father can just leave work and collect them though? It seems way more secure for OP’s sister to take a half a day hit to look after her own children than relay on an ex you’re clearly on bad terms with!

To be fair if the ex’s new girlfriend was having a baby OP would be told not to bend over backwards to accommodate him and that he needed to figure out childcare on his own time.

You've known your oh for 20yrs as friends, I assume your ex husband knew him also, is he smarting a bit about that?

Either way you weren't unreasonable to ask but he isn't unreasonable to say no if it isn't his time to have his children.

my Mum is similar distance it would involve a bus and then just over hour coach and then her to meet oh and him either take them back to ours which would take another 45 mins or her go back on the next coach. She is also in her 70s

oh really would be back up as in if my mum could not do it and I am hoping it does not happen.its more last case scenario. I don’t know people down here well enough to ask yet.

Hang on though he lives 2 hours away and works- so would have to take emergency carers leave. TBH I’m not even sure if he could take leave for this (his own kids I assume are fine) and if he’s 2 hours away I don’t see how it’s easier for him than your mum? I assume the kids will be at school/ nursery all day anyway? Would it not be easier for your sister/ mum to sort it between them (assuming they live closer). Or, TBH for your new partner to wait around if necessary for your mum to arrive?

How old are your children?

What's wrong with your current partner looking after them?

Did you move away? Did you move to be nearer your new oh?

Could you not save between now and June to afford a taxi in an emergency?

Although I am not saying that would be what’s being said. I would go get kids in a heartbeat if need be for something like that.

j have also changed weekends so he can go to a wedding and to a festival so i have been fair to him in the past.