Why is ND a common excuse for poor behaviour now?

[PonderingCarefully]

To be clear, this isn't a bashing thread as I'm generally interested in views and reasonings. Posting here for traffic really.

I get ND is a huge thing now and way more people are being vocal about it being accepted in society. This i am in favour of but.... so often now, especially on MN/SM, you see people excusing or questioning if poor behaviour is a result of undiagnosed ND. For example, a partner withdrawing/saying hurtful things would usually be seen as abuse now it's are they on the spectrum? A friend who's taking advantage is no longer seen as a entitled CF but is said to need more patience incase they are ND.

Why is this? Is it now a society norm that you actually need to feel quilted into accepting this behaviour just incase there's something undiagnosed at play? Are we now going to start seeing abusers and bully's in a new light of "maybe it's not their fault" now?

Probably because it’s easier for people to attribute it to ND and in many cases use it as an excuse rather than hold themselves accountable. I.e., there MUST be something else to blame but themselves.

Honestly the number of adults that I know who have recently declared themselves autistic or the more popular ADHD is just astonishing. It’s all gone way over the top. It’s like people have lost the ability to deal with negative emotions or challenging situations.

Yeah of course it’s not a bashing thread, we believe you. 🙄

Well it's not, I'm generally interested in why this is someone's first response to the situations I mentioned. But okay, let's make it, as usual, an OP bashing thread instead for daring to ask the question! 🙄

A ND adult in a relationship and with children, may have an argument with their NT partner, and feel overwhelmed and confused by the heated emotion of the argument. They react by walking away because then the noise & confusion go away too.

The NT partner sees it as unacceptable to walk away rather than try to resolve the issue, but to the ND partner, it may be the logical thing to do.

Neither is being rude, they just have different reasoning and different ways of resolving issues.

And this feels very much like a ND bashing thread.

I’ve reported it, bit sad how much some posters feel the need to keep bashing autistic people. You’d think they’d have better things to do.

The autism bashers shoe horn this in whenever they can. Have you really not seen the umpteen thread?🤔

Of course it’s a bashing thread.

I think it's a reasonable question. I'm diagnosed autistic (by the NHS). So is my daughter and my granddaughter. We all genuinely struggle. None of us use it as a 'get out of jail free' card.

I find it really distressing that anti social behaviour is consistently linked to autism because it suggests that autistic people are more likely to be sociopaths. This completely ignores that many of us find it difficult not to over empathise - which is the exact opposite of what's now widely (and wrongly) considered to be an autistic trait.

I'm also a teacher. I'm 'out' as autistic at school. My classes are renowned for their fantastic attitude to learning, and I believe this is because the kids and parents both know they can't bullshit me.

FWIW, im a genuine regular poster just NC and MNHQ can likely verify that. But seriously how are people ever supposed to gain an understanding to ND if your not even allowed to ask questions without being seen as attacking/bashing disabilities?

FGS. The reason I asked was after seeing 3 threads today which basically said I'm not making excuses but X may be undiagnosed ND. I get the general consensus is their the posted about party is either abusive or ND and I was curious to find out more detail on how/why the latter conclusion gets made rather than the former.

You will never keep a decent conversation about this going due to the subject you're trying to have a discussion about.

You'll always get shut down.

Why the obsession, picking apart and constant need to scrutinise autism? It’s continual on here. Do you do that op with all disabilities?

you are not asking questions to understand ND @PonderingCarefully
you've started a thread about ND being an excuse for bad behaviour.

that’s why it’s bashing.

@Jud3 who is obsessed?

The same posters who continuously turn up and start these threads. There is an unpleasant anti autism sub culture on Mumsnet. It was even mentioned in one of the NHS groups I attend.

Well there is a way of gaining an understanding of ND without asking such rude and judgemental questions

Oh leave off the OP, we're all adults and have a discussion, right?

OP has said

This i am in favour of but.... so often now, especially on MN/SM, you see people excusing or questioning if poor behaviour is a result of undiagnosed ND.

UNDIAGNOSED.

And OP isn't wrong. The amount of threads on MN when someone questions someones actions, reactions, behaviour "Have you ever considered they might be ND" "Maybe they are ND" it's constant. OP isn't wrong to pose a question asking WHY that is always the first line response. That someone might be ND rather than just a massive knob.

@MajorCarolDanvers I apologise if the way i worded the questions asked portray that but what I'm trying to understand is if abusive/poor behaviour is becoming more acceptable to be linked to ND like it so commonly is now. Or is it an issue that is just taking away acceptance aswell as adding more issues to understanding the difficulties those with ND face.

My DC are both autistic.
We have a few days away soon seeing family they don't see often.
I fully expect DC1 to spend most of the time hidden away in the bedroom. To the family members that will be "rude" or "anti social"
However I know it's a different environment, with different smells and sounds and different food. And unfamiliar people who have different rules/expectations.
So all of that means constant anxiety and getting easily overwhelmed, so hiding away is coping, and saving energy for the unavoidable bits of socialising.

Being nd and asking for reasonable adjustments is fine. My son has asd and we often benefit from, quiet sessions/early checkin/queue jumps etc. These things mean my son can access activities that might have been impossible for him. But he still has to behave,if he gets overwhelmed/meltsdown it’s not his fault and we leave so he can regulate. He does make loud noises at times so I tend to avoid quiet activities but he can’t really help this it’s a tic. Bad behaviour such as pushing/rudeness etc would be disciplined as any other child but I tend to watch my asd kid like a hawk and intervene early if I can to avoid issues.

I don't think that people are using autism as an 'excuse', it's just that it wasn't recognised in many cases years back.

I don’t think Op is picking apart, scrutinising or bashing autism but I understand their question. Whenever you read something on here and if someone’s behaviour isn’t as expected or someone does something wrong everyone pipes up with “are they ND, do they have autism, what about ADHD”
When in fact they don’t have any of those, they are just misbehaving or being an arsehole but it seems being ND is the only answer it could possibly be. And no I’m not saying all autistic people misbehave or whatever you want to call it, that’s just the examples I’ve seen

Loving the way reasonable adjustments which the ND community have waited and battled for so long for are now excuses for poor behaviour.

Because everyone needs to label people these days.
no one will ever think someone is just being shitty !

2 of my children are autistic, 2 aren't. DH is, I might be.

I will support all the children (and adults).having quirks, special interests, things they worry about or find harder.

I won't support any of the children being nasty, or violent.

It's our job to teach our children decent rules to live their lives by.

Autistic children and adults can’t help being blunt, anxious, anti social, overwhelmed, burnt out, in sensory overload…..