Page 13 | Why is ND a common excuse for poor behaviour now?

PonderingCarefully · 2025-04-07T14:23:52+00:00

To be clear, this isn't a bashing thread as I'm generally interested in views and reasonings. Posting here for traffic really. I get ND is a huge thing now and way more people are being vocal about it being accepted in society. This i am in favour of but.... so often now, especially on MN/SM, you see people excusing or questioning if poor behaviour is a result of undiagnosed ND. For example, a partner withdrawing/saying hurtful things would usually be seen as abuse now it's are they on the spectrum? A friend who's taking advantage is no longer seen as a entitled CF but is said to need more patience incase they are ND. Why is this? Is it now a society norm that you actually need to feel quilted into accepting this behaviour just incase there's something undiagnosed at play? Are we now going to start seeing abusers and bully's in a new light of "maybe it's not their fault" now?

Shwish · 11/04/2025 15:07

Jud3 · 11/04/2025 14:54

So we’re gloss over the huge amount of data that shows how autistic children are more likely to be bullied.Some research shows it’s as much as 94%. Research also shows autistic people are far more likely to be victims of crime too. And then there is the bullying and abuse done by staff in residential medical and educational provision…..

Funny how there are never threads or concern about this.

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Jesus. I'm not glossing over anything! I know autistic kids are more likely to be bullied. My niece is autistic and sadly attempted suicide when she was 15. I am NOT blaming this kid. I'm just pointing out that some kids DO get beat up by autistic kids in response to the PP who said it isn't happening. I'm NOT saying it happens more. It doesn't.

Wishyouwerehere50 · 11/04/2025 15:07

Jud3 · 11/04/2025 14:54

So we’re gloss over the huge amount of data that shows how autistic children are more likely to be bullied.Some research shows it’s as much as 94%. Research also shows autistic people are far more likely to be victims of crime too. And then there is the bullying and abuse done by staff in residential medical and educational provision…..

Funny how there are never threads or concern about this.

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This is very very true. People don't realise this because if one sees or hears about a meltdown in school, the natural reaction will be negative, rarely sympathy. People don't like it and many don't care to understand. @Shwish does acknowledge the real problem fortunately.

Many people don't realise that autistic kids are very covertly manipulated by the more savvy NT bullying pupils. Because they are easy to manipulate and get them to do things, without those ND kids fully sensing instinctively what's going on. It's insidious. That is a huge ongoing problem and no one with NT children will have an understanding how rife this is.

Shwish · 11/04/2025 15:10

Wishyouwerehere50 · 11/04/2025 14:58

@Shwish Ah that's so difficult 🙏 I am doing the thing I criticised and I'm using extremes. What I really should have said, is the sentiment I often see that Autistic kids are deliberately, systematically beating pupils and bullying ( as claimed on MN a few times) is not an accurate reflection of what's going on.

I have seen this example you give before and know it happens. It's gracious that you understand it and are aware in your thinking. It's something I'd be concerned about for my own Autistic child if he was subject to that from another child who was struggling. My child doesn't hurt people or do that but he does verbally argue back.

The system is not working really for all kids. It's disruptive and intimidating for those kids who can and living hell for those having meltdowns this severe.

I understand why there's little sympathy. I witnessed a meltdown like this by a pupil in my son's primary and all I felt was anger. Not right, but that's a natural reaction for the majority I do feel.

Most people don't realise that Government is forcing kids into mainstream and not adequately supporting schools to manage it.

Edited

Thanks @Wishyouwerehere50 I'm glad you took my comment in the way it was intended. I don't blame the other kid. I LIKE him. He's a bright funny little guy (we've had a few playdates in the park) and TBF I know the kid that got punched can be a bit cocky so there's a fair chance he was being a wind up. Obviously didn't deserve to get hurt though.
They're year 5 primary btw if anyone is wondering.

Jud3 · 11/04/2025 15:14

Wishyouwerehere50 · 11/04/2025 15:07

This is very very true. People don't realise this because if one sees or hears about a meltdown in school, the natural reaction will be negative, rarely sympathy. People don't like it and many don't care to understand. @Shwish does acknowledge the real problem fortunately.

Many people don't realise that autistic kids are very covertly manipulated by the more savvy NT bullying pupils. Because they are easy to manipulate and get them to do things, without those ND kids fully sensing instinctively what's going on. It's insidious. That is a huge ongoing problem and no one with NT children will have an understanding how rife this is.

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Yes it is absolutely rife.

Jud3 · 11/04/2025 15:15

Shwish · 11/04/2025 15:07

Jesus. I'm not glossing over anything! I know autistic kids are more likely to be bullied. My niece is autistic and sadly attempted suicide when she was 15. I am NOT blaming this kid. I'm just pointing out that some kids DO get beat up by autistic kids in response to the PP who said it isn't happening. I'm NOT saying it happens more. It doesn't.

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More often than not it’s after severe goading and bullying.

Wishyouwerehere50 · 11/04/2025 15:34

Jud3 · 11/04/2025 15:15

More often than not it’s after severe goading and bullying.

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Yes this is so true. I'm actually watching this with my own child. One day, I fear there will be a huge reaction to this insidious goading that is daily, covert at the hands of one very savvy boy.

I do acknowledge the struggles for parents if their child has been hurt during a meltdown. If the schools helped these kids more, the meltdowns, the aggression at home, school refusal, breakdowns and suicides would dramatically reduce. I am absolutely certain about that.

School is imo the number 1 living hell for most Autistic kids. Government response - go away and if you dare not force your kid in, we will fine you. Oh and we're now going to gaslight you and mislead the public into thinking these cases aren't genuine so no one needs an assessment because everyone is making it up and blaming being ND anyway.

Who would voluntarily sign up for that life. Because with all due respect to every ND person, I sure as hell would not!

This is reality for thousands as I can tell you know ❤️