Why is ND a common excuse for poor behaviour now?

[PonderingCarefully]

To be clear, this isn't a bashing thread as I'm generally interested in views and reasonings. Posting here for traffic really.

I get ND is a huge thing now and way more people are being vocal about it being accepted in society. This i am in favour of but.... so often now, especially on MN/SM, you see people excusing or questioning if poor behaviour is a result of undiagnosed ND. For example, a partner withdrawing/saying hurtful things would usually be seen as abuse now it's are they on the spectrum? A friend who's taking advantage is no longer seen as a entitled CF but is said to need more patience incase they are ND.

Why is this? Is it now a society norm that you actually need to feel quilted into accepting this behaviour just incase there's something undiagnosed at play? Are we now going to start seeing abusers and bully's in a new light of "maybe it's not their fault" now?

Thank you to everyone who has responded with more appropriate and constructive views. It has helped gain a wider understanding of both sides on this.

I do want to reiterate that the point of my questioning wasnt aimed at children in any way. I'm just thinking whether the over use of labelling/questioning poor behaviour in adults as ND is really necessary and trying to understand why people do it. I'm not discriminating or bashing ND adults or kids. I'm not dismissing the challenges and difficulties they face, I see that. But every thread I see about shitty behaviour the ND question is usually thrown out there.

For example there was couple of threads today that i will reference. 1 about a DH withdrawing/shutting the op off for days and withholding intimacy when he doesn't like the conversation topic. 1 where a DP was had never celebrated or made an effort for the OPs birthday and 1 about a friend who was putting all their life admin stress onto the OP whilst doing nothing about their situation themselves. All of 3 of these were shitty behaviour in some way. ALL 3 had numerous comments saying "are they ND?!" "Have more patience, they could be ND".

Neurodivergence isn't just Autism...

I don't want people being beaten up in public. These behaviours if dangerous to be kept for the appropriate carer who manages them if that is the case. Specify when you post.

The thread is spot on. I have a teenager who suddenly appeared with something like PDA profile. So I was reading around on forums. Also if that is the case, I am not taking all the rubbish behaviour without trying to challenge it, no way. I am responsible, demanding and ambitious person, I might educate myself and have strategies but discussions do not scare me

I think the issue is that that type of behaviour isn't just done by autistic people. I can be just like that when I'm tired or just a bit fed up. I cant help it either, its just part of my personality.

As far as I know I'm not autistic or ever felt the need to be assessed.

I’m sorry but you really are talking nonsense. The GP had nothing to do with our NHS diagnoses. Most won’t do shared care. Ours doesn’t. The NHS called us up for ADHD diagnosis on the back of our autism diagnosis during which it became apparant which the GP also had nothing to do with. The NHS ND dept did the diagnosis and titration. You do BP monitoring yourself at home and after titration is sorted check in once a year. All our prescriptions go straight to pharmacy not the GP.

You can’t categorise Autism. 2 of my children go non verbal( mute) intermittently. Need fluctuates throughout life.

But other disabilites and diagnoses dont get put forward on virtually every thread as a response to wrong doing by a partner or children?

And its being put forward by those with ND or those who work with that client group or who have children with ND

So if nearly every thread people piped up to say 'oh are you sure he isnt suffering with chronic pain/IBS/piles/stomach ulcers' or whatever to put a context around the persons unpleasant or unwanted behaviour, then that would also be a topic of conversation to say why is behaviour always being linked to those things.

But many of those behaviours with other symptoms could indicate ND.

I literally work in primary care and hear this first hand! Your surgery may not offer shared care but ours does and it’s definitely increasing workload.

My DSS and both my biological DC are diagnosed ND and my attitude is the ND might be the reason for a certain behaviour but it's never the excuse. However I've met a lot of parents in the ND community and the majority (including DSS mum) will always excuse the behaviour due to the autism/adhd/insert diagnosis here and don't even attempt to parent or correct the behaviour, it's exhausting and beyond frustrating.
Yes my DC may need to be taught in a different way but they absolutely can and are taught about the correct way to behave. Maybe I've just been unlucky in who I've met but irl and browsing posts on here it does appear I'm in the minority with my attitude

@Jud3 and I disagree; there’s such a vast difference impact and whilst your children may fluctuate, generally speaking people’s impact of ND could be defined to allow for more accurate and specific diagnosis.

Yes but for some people they will have signifiant needs in all area ,z
My sons needs dont fluctuate they are exremtly high at all times ,he ,s completley non verbal and can only communicate in a very basic way.

How? You’re lucky to get a 5 minute GP appointment for anything. With shared care you will get a phone call and ask for a referral. The ND department then does the rest. The surgery takes on the med when titration is settled if meds are taken( many choose not to)and sends it to the pharmacy electronically like any other medication. The patient monitors their own BP.

How come ADhD medication and diagnosis is such a chore but every other malady, condition and medication isn’t?

If you find the title triggering maybe don’t read as adults we should be able to have a discussion and air different views it’s how people grow and extend their understanding

I angree and your son’s needs and presentation will be drastically different from another child with autism who can communicate and have friends, but struggles with sensory overload. One will likely struggle to live independently whilst the other could be “high achieving” with some adaptations.

It’s not a way of saying they dont both have ND, but having different diagnosis would surely help both people and their families access more appropriate care and support.

My dc also have very high needs including frequent hospitalisation and the need for supportive living with one. Being non verbal all the time does not make autism worse.

Yes they could, so why are you arguing against the thread?

The title is massively offensive. It’s no different to

“Why is needing a wheelchair a common excuse for laziness now”

Nobody would accept the above but ableism towards ND as a disability is.

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour regardless of whatever "disabilities" the perpetrator has or claims to have.

This is something I have struggled with contemplating. I have ND children and am confident than my abusive ex husband was undiagnosed ND.

I left because he was abusive. But looking back now our children have been diagnosed (so I know a lot more) I can see that a lot of his behaviour was explained by overwhelm and meltdown.

Does that make it acceptable? Absolutely not. But I can also see how growing up without the sort of support and understanding our children now have must have been horrendous for him.

I think the key is whether someone is willing to work on themselves and get support, therapy, counselling or whatever is needed. My ex wasn't.

My ds has severe autism/ classical/ profound/ kanners/ low functioning/ high support needs (pick what works for you). Every time there is an incident on the news myself and my husband always comment along the lines of "how long before it cones out they have autism?". It seems to be used now as a legal defence or at least a media defence for some atrocious crimes.

I think it is being used as an excuse now more and more for all sorts. It shouldn't be. The people I know with autism are some of the most gentle and empathetic I've ever met. My own ds cries when he sees people crying because he can't cope with it.

I believe more people are trying to shock with their behaviour or stand out and when called out for it, use it as an excuse.

You said your childrens needs fluctuate giving an example of them going non verbal at times ,i was pointing out my sons dont fluctuate they remain high at all times and that hes non verbal at all times

There have been lots of threads about mobility and disability and what is considered laziness

Come over to the food section and see some of the views on buying ready chopped veg. Someone like me who needs to use it because of disability is seen as 'lazy'

Have you never frequented the weight loss threads to see views of fat people and eating habits?

The title isnt offensive, given that most threads about unwanted or unpleasant behaviour are peppered with 'he might be ASD/ADHD', from those who are diagnosed or have children who are.

But being completely non verbal will affect a persons life a lot more than if someone has “mild” autism where they’re still able to socialise, access education and employment and manage day to day living tasks independently. The needs and support required are so different.

Autism affects people so differently; it’s the only diagnosis I’m aware of that encompasses such a wide range of symptoms and impacts on people.

I don’t think anyone is anti autistic but do you not think the quantity of ND diagnosis in both adults and children in the last few years is astounding, it seems at times that almost every second person and their child on this forum has an ND diagnosis