My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

Thank you. I think I am just going to get it (if it hasn't sold already!)

You don’t need his permission. He gets his guitars, you get your pottery wheel. Don't ask, just tell him.

That sounds far more like "shouldn't" than "can't". An opinion he is perfectly within his rights to express, as long as he accepts your decision to buy it, if you do.

I'd be moving into neighbour's studio to get aware from arsehole husband

Do you have a kiln?

I suspect there's more tension in your marriage than just this pottery wheel. What do you mean by 'allowed'? Does he have the final say in everything? Have you ever done anything against his wishes before or do you always defer to his opinion?

I’m fuming on your behalf! He is your husband, not your manager. Get the wheel OP, I really hope it hasn’t sold.

But why would it matter if OP tries it, then doesn't use it as much (or at all)? She is a grown women, allowed to try stuff and live her life. She could always sell it on. How controlling it would be for a partner to say no, you won't use it enough, she's not their child.

Wow so is he not a fan of your creative life then? Is he supportive of your painting? Seems very odd to want you to stick to only one medium. And why should you need to make money from pottery anyway? Something deeper than time or space or expense is going on here for sure.

His guitar playing - is this something he does a lot if? enjoys? Since he has lots of them which are, presumably a lot pricier than a £350 potters wheel

Why is it anything to do with him and why do you care what he thinks. It's your money, your time and your creativity. It's not 1954. Tell him to take a good hard look at himself. If he's got a couple of minutes spare from polishing his guitar (S).

my partner tried that with me, telling me I can’t afford things etc. I usually go ahead and buy what I want. Sometimes I tell him sometimes I don’t 😂 I earn my own money and I’m better at managing it than he is so although I don’t earn as much I generally have some spare.

How much pottery have ou done? Would it be better to join a class and see if you have any talent or aptitude enforce you splash out on a wheel. Maybe you will meet a fellow potter who has a wheel that you can practice on.

I can't think of anything I have bought for myself that has been a waste of money tbh. I'm not even looking to buy a new one. I honestly feel like I am waking up to the sad reality that he is a bit of a control freak.

Are you financially independent or being supported by him? Because that’s very significant. If you’re contributing fairly to household costs and not reliant on him he is unreasonable. If he’s supporting you to essentially have a series of hobbies where you might make enough to buy a bottle of wine YABU.

So, he spends household money on his hobbies but is trying to deny you yours, and you resent it. I don't blame you.

How about this: Just go buy the damn thing. Then be sure to laugh and tell him to f-off when you tell him what you've done.

The treatment you get is the treatment you tolerate. Yes?

Has he or hasn't he said you can't do it, rather than just said he thinks it's a bad idea?

Thanks. I have lots of hand building experience (used to teach pottery as head of art in a secondary school) have had only about six hours experience on a wheel but want to practise more as I really enjoy it.

I take it you don't give him permission to buy guitars?,

My only concern would be it's a tie to the neighbour. But it's not a huge issue.

Get the wheel, dump the husband.

I would just buy it. If he can have multiple guitars you can have a pottery wheel. 😃How much has he spent on guitars over the years? Sounds like 1 rule for him and another for you.

We run a business together, and I also am a professional artist. I would be using my art money to pay for it

I would love to have a pottery wheel to mess around with, I’m sure I would make a lot of wonky pottery but still I think it sounds like a fabulous pastime …..wonky pottery or not

Do you have any previous for this kind of thing?
A friend of mine is an artist. She gets an idea and runs with it, often spending £££ in the process and it becomes all consuming. Until the next idea comes along and the previous one (with all the £££ equipment) gets forgotten. Then the next and the next.
I can absolutely see why her husband would say no!

Buy it. You have the money. Come back in a few months and show us some photos of your creations.

Look, there's no question you can buy a pottery wheel if you want to. Of course you can. Nobody can stop you. Nobody is going to say anything different. If you want to buy a giraffe, nobody can tell you you can't.

The question is whether your husband is someone you should look to divorce.

What matters there is whether he has told you directly you "can't buy it" or just argued that he strongly thinks you shouldn't.