My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

Catastrophising or what?

I wonder if he's read this thread 😁

Yep, just because he so magnanimously now can allow you to have it 🙄 doesn't let him off the hook for behaving like a boor.

This. I might discuss with DH if I was going to buy something more expensive than usual to get his opinion, but I'd not ask permission. And he's always told me to go for it...
(except for getting a tattoo, DH said he'd prefer it if I didn't, and ultimately I decided against it partly because he wouldn't like it but mainly because I felt it was too permanent for something that I was undecided enough about to be swayed by his opinion. If I've really set my mind on something it's hard to sway me.)

That’s handy since you’ve decided to buy one anyway. Remember, this was your decision not his.

I mean, "storming out" does sound childish, but as all we have is the bald statement that he "stormed out" we don't know at all what actually happened. It could be anything from "I can't talk about this now, I have to go to a meeting" to him throwing his hands in the air and yelling "I can't stay under the same roof as someone who wants a potter's wheel".

Oh My God - you are a grown woman, you earn your own money and have a supportive friend who will let you keep you the wheel in her studio (though if it was me, I’d tell my husband to shift some of his numerous guitars to make space at home). Just do it, if it will give you pleasure- what is life for?

This still feels controlling to me, he's realised that you are going to get one so has now changed his tune. He is obviously worried about having you out of the house with the neighbour.

You both work from home, do you have your own friends? how often do you do things apart away from the home?

Plsd you’re getting the wheel but wish it hadn’t been bcos he has now granted his approval to. If it’s coming out of a joint account it is courteous to let him know obvs but his reaction wld make me question why you spending a sum of money for yourself is such a trigger for him. I personally think he felt threatened by you planning to keep it at a friend’s & for some reason resented your independence or being out of the house & wanted to assert control. It wld also make me also suspicious about where our joint money was going tbh too . Apologies it is suspicious thinking but personal events of my own have made me v distrusting & this is a bit red flag to me. Unless of course money is extremely tight for other reasons.

But what does "making room" mean? Will he also make room for you to store clay, tools, drying pottery etc, or are you going to have him stropping around about all that as well?

I suspect he realised you were going to get one anyway and wants you on the premises so he can keep an eye on you, get hold of you easily when he wants to, and ensure that you're constantly on call for the holiday let business. If I were you, I'd think seriously about taking up the neighbour's offer anyway.

I think the OP would have said if he'd said something as he left the house.

Come to think about it, why does your husband claim to be the sole arbiter of what your sheds get used for? Surely you have an equal say anyway? Would I be right in thinking they're all stuffed full of his junk?

Is he your dad or your partner? IME men buy lots of things for THEIR hobbies (cycling golf) without any discussion

Couldn't agree more.

What's it got to do with him?

You “can’t”? As my step son would say, he’s not the boss of you!

Thanks, yes I hope so too. I probably will just tell him what I am doing in future. I didn't actually 'ask' if I could get one yesterday, and he has known that I have wanted one for a few years now .... Yesterday I said something like, "omg I have found a wheel that's really good for £350," and he went off on a rant about not any room for it, waste of money blah blah blah...then when I told him I was going to keep it at our neighbour's he stormed out the house... Oh well....he has mellowed now and if I find a wheel it will go in our shed (we have two sheds.)

Maybe it is time for one to be your shed! Aka your pottery, if you are getting electricity out there for your wheel then get a heavy duty cable that would also do for a kiln.

So, finally, he never told you you couldn't have one. He just said what he thought about it.

Can you now elaborate on what you mean by "stormed out of the house", before more people take your choice of words to decide your husband is a dangerous lunatic. I mean he might be, but how exactly did he "storm out"?

Why? The OP has exaggerated everything from the get go, judging from what she is saying now actually happened.

Oh fgs, what does it matter to you?

It's not exaggerating or very different from what 'actually happened' . Unless you have a very different interpretation of 'he went off on a rant... then stormed out the house'.

It appears he never told her "she can't buy it" at all...and one person's "rant and stormed out" is another person's "said what he thought and left to go the shops".

"Rant and stormed out" doesn't have a set definition.

I think when people are telling her to leave her controlling husband this instant, it matters a little if they are saying it based on their interpretation of a somewhat exaggerated recounting. Most people exaggerate things, especially when they are being very vague on detail.

That's a great update! Well done 👏 Hope you find another one for a good price. Enjoy your new pottery wheel!