My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

You’ve notably avoided the question re contributing to the household. Are you financially independent or making a bit of money here and there on art projects without actually paying your way?

He has spent about £6000 in the last couple of years on guitars.

I don't see how he can stop you especially if it's not being kept at your house.

If you have your own money then buy it. If you need help to move it, then get somebody else.

His reaction is a bit over the top unless there is something that you aren't telling us. If you are the sort of person who keeps taking up hobbies and buying stuff and then losing interest, it would be a different story.

Thats my thinking.

Who pays the bills? The mortgage? Do you contribute to household costs? Fairly?

Does he play in a band? Do they get paid?

I’ve spent more than that on guitars but have earned that, so it’s neutral.

op get the wheel.

The OP has said her DH isn’t the sole breadwinner and they run a business together. She has this money in savings. Her husband has spent £6,000 on guitars in the last few years.

Then he can stuff off. Who does he think he is? The absolute fun sponge.

Only if you let him control you.

So what if you throw on it just once and then use it as a side table? Your choice x

FWIW In middle age, I took up accordion playing again. (I'm sure the neighbours were delighted.)

After joining a group, I fancied getting a box with a bit more oomph - mine was a lady's model bought for me by my parents when I was an adolescent and only 3 voice. I fancied a 4 voice Scottish musette tuned accordion.

God bless my husband - he drove me miles to accordion stores to try out different accordions and then once I ordered one bespoke from a store in Lewisham, he drove me from Fife to Lewisham to collect it.

It cost me 3K, it's red and it's sparkly.

I can't understand the OP's husband's objections to her spending her own money. At least she's in no danger of producing 'orrible sounds.

So get him told. ‘Stop being a controlling arse. I am buying the wheel. You’ve spent thousands on guitars, you hypocrite.’

Honestly I would just buy it! Ridiculous to say you need to move house. Your lovely neighbour has offered up her space for you. Life is too short to not do the things you enjoy.

I missed that! What an absolute peach of a man!

She has said she makes a bit of money from her art but has not answered direct questions about contributions to the household. If she isn’t contributing fairly and it’s one arty project after another that he is subsiding it is not reasonable. And yes, if he is subsidising the OP it’s more than fair re guitars.

😁

I am reading a lot of you justifying to him here: you're a professional artist, you don't spend much on yourself, you would keep the wheel elsewhere, it,s out of your own personal money…
I don't think any of that matters one jot.
It doesn't matter if you'd never painted a picture, never thrown a pot, or was spending a bit of joint money on yourself.
Who put him in charge?
How much did all of his guitars cost, how much space do they take up and does he play them all at once?
He really needs to be told to fuck the hell off, you're bloody having it AND keeping it at home.
So angry on your behalf, being made to doubt your rights to do what you want by a controlling man.

The OP has already said she doesn’t but knows some-where that has a kiln she can use.

It depends. I run a business with my dad. I do approximately 1% of what’s required to run it and all the profit is him. The vagueness of her comments surrounding financial contributions makes me think he is supporting her and that’s the root of his objections. He’s had enough.

I've read your updates OP. He's being a controlling twat. Get the wheel and ignore any subsequent tantrums from him - if he continues being a bully get rid of him.

Buy the wheel. LTB. Only half joking.

I also want to add that it doesn't matter who earns what in a marriage, as long as both have agreed to the arrangement, as opposed to one partner just being a lazy freeloader who refuses to contribute.

Taking care of the home and children (if any) IS a contribution too and it EQUALLY counts as one! I'm dismayed at the posts that seem to be saying only the breadwinner (usually the male, for obvious reasons) has rights in the marriage and that the money belongs to them alone. That's just sad.

@Observermum1 sorry but if he is allowed to spend 6k on guitars then you, sure as hell, can spend 350 on a wheel!! where does he store all his guitars???

Let me get this straight: you are an artist who already sells her paintings, you wish to buy a pottery wheel with your own money and it will be kept next door but your husband says you can't buy it?

All of this.

His behaviour and attitude to you is beyond awful. And the fact he has spent £6000 on his hobby of guitars is the absolute kick in the teeth.

He has absolutely no respect for you or what you do.

Then frankly he can fuck off and keep his neb out!

Yeah, how dare a woman buy something with her own savings. How dare she have a hobby and interests. Her DH can spent £6,000 on guitars but she should meekly not buy this pottery wheel for £350 because the man of the house does not want her to buy it. Wouldn’t you think she’d know her place in the household.

This woman who has already said she runs a business with her husband and also makes money from selling her paintings.