My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

Thanks, I feel pretty upset that he doesn't support me I guess.

Unless there’s a big old dripfeed of either you being a total spendthrift, wasting money on stuff that you never use often, or that you’re on the bones of your arse as a couple and can’t even make rent, then your husband is being out of line to dictate what you spend your money on.

That’s what this is really about. He’s not your boss. What hobbies does he have?

Do you have access to a kiln? Because without that, there really is no point in having a wheel. Kilns are generally a lot more expensive and complicated to get than wheels.

Where would you fire your work?

Do you have a history of pottery? Like do you go to a studio to rent and practice and create stuff or is this a passing whimsy? Do you have a history of starting hobbies and then getting bored or moving on? Do you both all each other permission to buy something you want, and if so, is this a blanket rule or for items over a certain price?

I am trying to see his side here because he's obviously coming across as controlling and unsupportive but we don't know if he's got a point.

Op if neighbours has been there since the 70s that potentially means neighbour is elderly.
What happens if she moves, becomes incapacitated?
Could it become a tie to caring for her?
It's a bit mean to say 'No I can't run you to shops' when your using her shed.

The wheel is £350, don't you also need a kiln to fire anything you make?

It's not the £350 that would bother me it's the kiln and the ties to the neighbour.
Would neighbour be willing or able to sell you the shed and plot of land to go with it?

That shouldn't really be relevant, unless it was to be paid for by say an inheritance intended just for OP to spend on herself.
Otherwise, there should be a discussion, not him saying yes or no because OP may not bring money into the household.

go for it op

If she’s lived there since the 70s then unless it’s her childhood home it sounds like unfortunately it’s possible she may not be living there for very many more years.

However, if it’s within your spending money and you’re willing to take the risk then go for it, he can’t really stop you. Although surely you need other equipment to go with it which will add up to more than the £350.

Do you contribute to household expenses? That’s the only issue I can think of, if you earn some money but he is the breadwinner paying all the bills/your money is your money but his money is also your money.

Long term potter here. Throwing is quite difficult, compared to hand building. Have you ever done it? I think it would be difficult to teach yourself, even with YT, it is a very tactile process. Maybe try a throwing course before buying a wheel?

of course, if you can throw, go ahead and get a wheel ( though you will need a kiln as well, unless your friend has one)

We all know on mumsnet that a man wanting to buy a bike/guitar/motorcycle/anything really is a waste of family money and you should put your foot down, or better still, leave him.

a woman’s hobby is her business, he has no say and she should just do it, and better still, leave him.

op have you thought this through? Kiln? Clay? Neighbour? Does your husband have a point?

He isn't the sole breadwinner, we run a business together. If my neighbour moves I would sell it or give it to the local school perhaps.

The cost if the wheel is only part of the cost , you need the clay and a kiln , I know nothing at all about pottery but I can't imagine running a kiln would be cheap.
You DH doesn't get to rule the roost but his thoughts need to be considered too.

Can you go to a pottery class / school ?

Also , I know someone that makes models ( airfix type ) and they are all over the house.
While a few pots / planes are decorative to many is just clutter.
What will you do with all the finished products.

I know a place where I can pay to fire work, I don't need a kiln really. My husband has lots of guitars....🙄

Unless you have your own kiln I wouldn't bother personally. Kiln hire in my city is about £120 for one firing.

Remember you need to fire TWICE if you want to glaze your pots.

Maybe a better idea to do small hand build clay sculptures not using a wheel. At least you can fit more in a kiln then

Stand up to him FGS. you're not a child.

Why does your husband get to veto what you buy with your own money? Do you ever get to veto his purchases?

Buy the wheel.

How much would that cost each time?

I already sell my paintings. I would try to sell my pottery work too.

Why the eye roll? These are sensible questions.

so your H has a lot of guitars, great. I guess he knows what he’s doing, uses them regularly and has played for a while.

if he wanted a bike, having never ridden before, I presume you’d ask about why, what other kit is needed?

I mean, yeah he should be supportive tbf but asking some sensible questions isn’t out of order

Why does that matter if OP is paying for it herself?

Hi yes, I have had a few throwing lessons and used to teach hand building (used to be head of art in a secondary school). I know I need a lot of practise, which is why I would like my own wheel.

Eye roll because I have never complained about him buying more guitars.. sorry I wasn't eye rolling at you

Because OP says she doesn’t bring in very much money. If the pottery is going to take up a lot of her income then her husband has a valid concern.

OP if you sell art and pay tax you should look into if any of this counts as a business expense if you’ll also be selling your pottery.

Do you have a history of buying things and then not using them? Perhaps you'd husband knows something we don't.