My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

[Observermum1]

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

I have a mini potters wheel (not a kids one, properly mini micro thing) from amazon for around 30 quid ish.

It is absolutely strong enough to throw teeny tiny pots and bowls etc, which can be fired in a microwave using a glass fusing kiln. You can practice glazing and raku in miniature too.

Get one (if you don't fancy the glass fusing option you can still fire in a normal kiln you'd just need to make loads or find someone letting you fire as part of a shared load) and get round to your neighbours often, getting your hand in playing with clay, whilst you wait for your wheel to happen! Bit of a 'build it and they will come' or manifesting what you desire kinda thing!

I also think you should stop 'asking' your 'D' H things like this from here on out, just do it. It's not his money, its not joint money, it's not his time, do as you damn well please with your own money and time!!

You keep looking until you find one OP and enjoy getting your hands dirty!

Theres a pottery place around the corner from us that do wheel classes, they’re so much fun! They also do hand building classes, it’s the dreamiest little space.

I hope you find one!

Tell him to fuck off

@Observermum1 you obviously are not like me!! I would have bought it and not told him! I would have hired someone to help get it on a dolly (with brakes) so I could move it around!

So weird why doesn’t he think you should do pottery as well as painting?

You can have as many hobbies as you like.

That's such a shame - keep looking and don't involve him at all next time round x

No man would tell me that I couldn’t have something. Not something perfectly reasonable like this, anyway.

Buy the wheel.

He sounds threatened by you pursuing your hobby out of the house & doesn’t like it. Controlling & irrational. That would give me the ick big time. Bet he won’t be saying that when your pottery sales start to roll in. Don’t let him control you.

As you don’t seem to have space, I think it’s probably best that you sell a guitar - to make room and get it with the proceedings after all it is to further your business LOL.

Go for it and get it. £350 is nothing - and sounds like you’d love it. Take the neighbour up on their offer. At least someone is supporting you!

Hell would freeze over before anyone told me how I spend either my own time or money!
personally I would buy the wheel and ditch the husband

@Observermum1 I know in this instance it's your husband, but for all of us, who on earth, should dictate to us?

"My husband/wife says I can't have" oh no, no, no. Not their decision, ever.

I know where I'd be suggesting he stored them!!

Yes, poor little man, has only been able to spend £6000 on guitars the last couple of years. Poor deprived fossils!!

Why?

it's HER money
irs (hopefully) going in the neighbours shed

It's £350, not 3.5 mil, so what if she only uses it in frequently, if she enjoys using it if she enjoys having it...

It doesn't impact having any way at all, why should she agree to sell it in a few months if she doesn't use it frequently enough for his liking????

👍🏻😄😄

Oh, I'm really really sorry to hear that🥹

I hope you find another one soon. But even more than that I hope you think about all of this properly and you change your attitude to allowing him to dictate to you. Buy what you want m, do what you want.

I'm not saying you should leave him, but I am going to say you can if you want to. Just because you have been with him decades and you have had a family together doesn't mean you have to stay with him. You've got decades of your life to live yet., you get to choose how you love them and with who you live them.

🤗

Is it the 1950’s in your house op?
just ignore him fgs!

You sell your own art so the pottery wheel is a business expense.
Set it up when delivered with the courier helping to place it where your neighbour suggests.
It is very exciting. If you make pots and things that end up good enought to fire - take them to the local school or university art centre and pay to have them fired.

It could be a new beginning, making and selling usable art.

thanks to this thread, i bought a water butt,
despite dh saying he didnt want one!
eek

He sounds like a dick (unless you’re currently struggling financially. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case).

Your DH isn’t supporting you and acting as if he was your „boss“. I would be upset about this as well!

I suspect he is worried that if you are out the house enjoying a hobby, then he will have to step up and do something in the house.

Make his own meal or do a bit of housework.
Maybe pull his weight with the business.
In my experience men object to things that inconvenience them.
I hope you find a wheel soon @Observermum1 and stop asking permission, you are a fully competant adult.

I’m imagining a life with your art and pottery studio, a few cats and lovely plants, minus your knob of a husband - sounds lovely!

Tell him as there is no room for your wheel, then there’s no room for his guitars and he needs to sell them.

It sounds like you are in a financially abusive and controlling marriage.

If it's your money, do as you please with it. He's your husband, not your parent.

Buy it and enjoy it. And if you stop enjoying it, sell it again.

I have flights of fancy, buy all the gear and then get bored - so what? I get to buy what I want with my own money, as do you.