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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband says I can't have a pottery wheel even though my neighbour has offered to let me keep it in her studio

458 replies

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 12:59

I don't ask for much but really fancy a second hand pottery wheel. My husband says it's a waste of money and that I won't use it much. I feel really sad as I have fancied one for years. My neighbour has even offered to put it in her shed/studio as we don't have room for it. AIBU?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/04/2025 16:50

DancingNotDrowning · 07/04/2025 14:32

This is a really upsetting thread.

I didn’t think you were unreasonable with your first post but with each follow up you’re more reasonable and your situation less pleasant.

You’re an artist who earns her living creating art and/or teaching art and his reaction is to storm out when you discuss a totally reasonable purchase.
he’s horrid

Edited

agree with the above. I'm always seeing artists who have branched out into pottery/sculpture... you've actually got experience of it too.
£350 for something with a resale value is not asking for the moon. And you are paying it for it yourself.
I'd be furious at someone saying "you'll never use it"... Buy the damn thing. if you find you are not using it, then sell it... no worries. Its annoying that he thinks he has the right to tell you what to do like this. You are a professional artist... I bet if he saw a new guiltar he'd be after it. Is his playing worth £6k? If he wanted to buy an expensive harmonica or something - whose to tell him - you'll never learn to play it. Grr.

Anyway OP. To cheer you up. This argument over a potting wheel was also in The Good Life, back in the day, in an episode called Going to Pot. Barbara had access to ndn Margo's studio and potting wheel and was so much better at it than Margo. It was on iplayer not long ago.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00bzcm5/the-good-life-series-2-7-going-to-pot

The Good Life - Series 2: 7. Going to Pot

Sitcom about a couple trying to live self-sufficiently in Surbiton. Tom and Barbara's evening class becomes unusually productive.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00bzcm5/the-good-life-series-2-7-going-to-pot

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:51

Thanks, I think my mistake was asking him! You're right, I shouldn't have to.

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 07/04/2025 16:52

Has your marriage been great because you've behaved 'correctly'?

Original poster
Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:55

🙂 thank you

OP posts:
StrangerThings1 · 07/04/2025 16:57

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:46

I have always thought our marriage is great, our children are grown up and happy. We've been married for over 28 years. I guess I am shocked by how controlling he seems with this.

have you asked him why he Dosen’t want you to have one, does he think that it will take you away from the chores / other work commitments you should be doing

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2025 17:04

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 16:46

I have always thought our marriage is great, our children are grown up and happy. We've been married for over 28 years. I guess I am shocked by how controlling he seems with this.

I've noticed a lot of men get more controlling as they age, they want to make sure their wife is always at hand for any and everything that needs facilitating so THEY can enjoy their free time or retirement.

BeaLola · 07/04/2025 17:05

Just buy it and get potting - I wouldn't bother mentioning it to him again - if he says anything tell him your bucket wish was to recreate the scene from Ghost with him but as he wasn't keen you've sorted a replacement ...

WavyRavey · 07/04/2025 17:10

I'm just saying, make a giant pottery ballsack to remind him how he's acting

Emmz1510 · 07/04/2025 17:10

And you need his permission because…….

Hotteas · 07/04/2025 17:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FleurDeFleur · 07/04/2025 17:11

Just buy one. It's not up to him.

Hotteas · 07/04/2025 17:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mischance · 07/04/2025 17:13

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:57

This is my gut feeling, that I shouldn't need his permission. I'm stunned tbh.

You do NOT need his permission.

Does he ask your permission every time he buys a guitar?

Mosaic123 · 07/04/2025 17:14

Does he have any objection to the neighbour?

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 17:14

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 13:01

Why is it his decision? If you can pay for it out of your own money and it wont even be on your property it’s nothing to do with him.

Assuming she doesn’t have her own money and it is all shared family money? Not saying he should say no out of hand though

Mischance · 07/04/2025 17:15

And definitely TELL him, don't ask him.

When he gets fretty about it, just say: "I am not asking you, I am telling you what I am doing as a courtesy."

Maybe he does not like the idea of you popping to the studio rather than getting his pipe and slippers ready!!

crumblingschools · 07/04/2025 17:18

@DurinsBane OP has said it is coming from her money

AutumnFroglets · 07/04/2025 17:18

When I told him our neighbour offered to let me keep one at hers (we discussed this about two years ago) he stormed out of the house.

He can't watch what/who you are with at the neighbours property. You are SE with him AND you paint at home. I think this is more about keeping you trapped at home and knowing who you chat/meet with rather than the money or having a hobby.

Get your wheel OP, live your dream.

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 17:19

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 17:14

Assuming she doesn’t have her own money and it is all shared family money? Not saying he should say no out of hand though

Show quote history

It's not shared family money, though, is it? Or have you not bothered to read the thread?

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 17:20

DurinsBane · 07/04/2025 17:14

Assuming she doesn’t have her own money and it is all shared family money? Not saying he should say no out of hand though

Show quote history

That’s possible, but I think OP has clarified she does have some of her own savings. I have no idea how much these things cost but a discussion rather than a flat “no” is the way to go. Of course, if it would leave the family pot short then it may not be possible.

ContraryNoodle · 07/04/2025 17:21

OP, I heard a rumour that there is quite the demand for penis beakers...

Discombobble · 07/04/2025 17:22

Observermum1 · 07/04/2025 13:07

I do earn my own money, not very much but it would be paid for by me. We have a shared bank account too, but I have my own savings that I earn through art.

In that case why even ask him? It’s not going to impact him at all

MarkWithaC · 07/04/2025 17:22

WaneyEdge · 07/04/2025 17:20

That’s possible, but I think OP has clarified she does have some of her own savings. I have no idea how much these things cost but a discussion rather than a flat “no” is the way to go. Of course, if it would leave the family pot short then it may not be possible.

Show quote history

She has absolutely said she'll be paying for it. And she's said how much it costs.

MilkyWayMagicStars · 07/04/2025 17:23

Genuinely…buy the f*cking pottery wheel.

enjoy every minute of using it and if it dosent work out, sell it on and chalk it to experience.

lifes too short xx💜

Cherrysoup · 07/04/2025 17:24

Buy the wheel! How often does he play each guitar? And no, he doesn't get to control you.