My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

The fact they’re coming doesn’t meant you need to spend time with them

So if it was going to be a surprise (did your husband know?) then how have you found out?

I’d be pissed off. Can you change hotels?

I'd be raging OP and change the holiday. How much would it cost to change at least the hotel, if not the whole destination? Cheeky buggers assuming they could tag on.

How come's the secret has emerged, and other than not understanding your emotional reaction, what does your DH think about the plans @AbbeyDown ?

YANBU. I’d be changing the hotel asap.

Who did you book with?

Awkward for your DD as well, having to make chit chat with their DCs.

Change the hotel if you still can. If not, ignore big time. I wouldn’t be excited either.

YANBU I would really hate that too.

They have now told us. It was going to be a surprise apparently. I didn’t react, I didn’t know how to react.

He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the men have planned to leave the kids with you and the friend’s girlfriend so they can go and do their thing.

Oh man, I hear you :(

you have to move on from it though, just try and have the best time possible and do your own thing as much as you can

dint change a thing about yourself, it’s how I holiday too, totally pared back.

We book our flights and our hotel separate because we go to this place every year.

I’d be getting angry with DH and telling him to change the hotel.

I understand your frustration, no you don’t have to spend time with them but 1. You’ll know you can bump into them when you’re trying to relax and 2. You’ll probably be accused of being rude for ‘deliberately ignoring’ them. Not trying to write a narrative, but do you think your husband and his mate have side planned some ‘boys trip’ thinking you and the girlfriend will be happy to sit at the hotel with the kids whilst they have a few drinks? Honestly I’d be telling my husband straight that I’m not going on this holiday to socialise, won’t be engaging with them beyond general politeness and how very bloody unimpressed I am.

YANBU. Can you amend your plans?

Are there any other decent hotels nearby? Is your hotel booking refundable?

You will 100% be looking after the 5 year old one night whilst they go out to dinner.

So your husband didn’t know they were coming until their revealed the surprise

does your daughter and the friend’s daughter know one another?

Just do as you please and say hi when
you see them. You don’t have to spend all day together.

Not if you have even one bone of a back bone

He said it will be fine and he thinks I’m just over reacting about me being self conscious about my body and no makeup etc. I find it liberating on holiday as I don’t know anyone. Unfortunately at 40 I still suffer with hormonal acne which I am really self conscious about.
Secondly, nothing against young children but my child is older now and I don’t want to go on my one holiday a year with young kids.

Do you think it's because friend booked it and friend's GF has possibly pointed out that it's not a surprise most women would love? She pushed for it to come out? She may be just as pissed off as you.

This is potentially the last family holiday with your teen daughter to celebrate exams and as such I would be looking for a resolution. Stay at same and limit time together? Depends on what you do on hols. If you are out and abouters, you can leave them in the dust. Harder with pool lounging.

And all this WILL compromise what you wanted, which was anonymity.

Has your DH truly thought it through and he's ok with it? Or is he saving face?

I like just to shove my hair on the top of my head, lie on my sun lounger and read my kindle. I don’t want to sit and socialise with other people. I understand we are lucky to be able to afford a holiday but we can only afford one. This is my one and only time to switch off and escape from work/home life.