My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

I'd be fuming and very very upset. The 'friend' is being very weird booking this, it smacks of him not wanting to holiday with his girlfriend and the children so he's planning to turn it into a group trip instead. I'd be inclined to tell husband that it's just not acceptable and that you want to change either the dates or the hotel. I bet he doesn't want to upset the friend but make sure he realises how upset you are. I wouldn't even holiday with family never mind friends.

It is out of character for your husband to dismiss your concerns like this? If so, it’s probably worth trying yet again to explain that, for you, it will absolutely not be ok.

But if this behaviour is habitual for him I’d be pulling out of the holiday. I’d rather spend a week alone at home, than abroad with near-strangers and a disrespectful spouse.

Then. as my mother used to say 'want must be his master'. If DH goes off to socialise with his friend, despite what his DW has said, then there are bigger problems to face than sharing a holiday. The three can still have a great time alone - after all, they could well find that someone ELSE they know has also booked this hotel for this week; co incidences happen and there should always be a plan in place (ie 'our family sticks together and we don't socialise') for that eventuality.

I would be pissed about this. I'd never tag on to a friends holiday.
Have your holiday the way you want it, keep your distance from them even if that means your husband doesn't always sit with you, leave him to it with his friend.

OP I would be furious! It's not about how confident you feel. It's about the fact that selfish people have overstepped boundaries. They should have asked do you mind us tagging along.

He’s not listening to you is he! I would be very upset and would insist on changing the holiday.

So angry on your behalf, OP. Your DH has fucked up massively here and is leaving you and DD to cope with the mess. I know it’s a cliché but you have a DH problem here and he needs to make it right, especially as he won’t have to deal with any discomfort or unwanted socialising, and will just be happily palling around with his mate. Selfish man.

I’d be managing the situation now to get an outcome that suits you. Whether that is messaging the couple direct to be clear about not being around much, or changing hotel, or changing dates. Whole concept sounds horrible.

The friends are entitled assholes and your husband is too. You and your DD had really clear expectations for this holiday why did your DH think it was ok to change that? Is he usually this much of an idiot?

I’d also be furious how he is trying to “manage” you what a patronising dickhead.

I would not be happy either, OP.

What does your daughter think? If she doesn't want to hang out with this girl (and likely end up babysitting the younger one with the girl), I would INSIST on moving either the dates or the hotel to another one.

I like your style @Kamek

Dont forget to shout “surprise!” OP

You can still lounge and do the kindle. You don’t have to liaise with them about times.

just wave when they walk by. They will
probably up and out really due to the 5 year old so you should be fine.

your DD might enjoy some optional teenage company to go and explore the hotel or to go for a walk outside etc.

they will be in the same place, it’s not a shared holiday.

Let your husband go with them, and you and DD book a completely different holiday (money permitting of course)

Wtf is wrong with people? This is the second post this week where I've heard of such a thing.

Do we really now need to keep all holiday plans top secret to avoid these tag along insensitive dweebs? Honestly.🙈🤦🏻

Id be fuming.

I would feel the same. Why don’t you be proactive and suggest that you have a night where you all meet up and go for food. This makes it clear that it won’t be every night or day that you are together.

Nope, it doesn’t matter that he thinks it will be ok. You’re telling him that it’s already not ok. Change the hotel, go somewhere else and make your husband tell his mate that he got it wrong

Imagine have the confidence, the entitlement, the sheer audacity to be so certain that others would be thrilled to see you that you literally gatecrash their holiday. It’s absolutely unbelievable. Nothing you have said is unreasonable. I really hope you can find some way to rearrange. This is completely awful and it sounds as though your DH is going to prioritise his entitled friends wishes over those of you and your DD. I’m so sorry

I would absolutely hate this. I’d try to change hotel or dates, even if it means paying a little extra.

Is your DD friendly with the girl who is the same age as her ? How is it going to work if there’s an expectation that your DD will hang out with her and your DD doesn’t want to ?

If you do go ahead with the holiday, establish some ground rules between yourselves - you’re going to have dinner at xx time, not at a time to suit small children. Same with breakfast. Get sun loungers away from them, etc.

These people wouldn’t have booked the same hotel at the same time unless they had plans to engage with the op and her husband more than passing hellos. Whether it’s the husbands wanting to have ‘man time’ without second thoughts for their families, or the other couple are looking for free babysitting, there is a reason why they’ve booked the same holiday as the op and just waving them to off is unlikely to be a simple option. The op and the daughter do not want this, so it needs to be fixed.

If DH can be made to be on board, the easiest option here is to change the dates a bit and claim work moved one of your annual leave.

If he won't, I'd book somewhere else for you and DD instead.

The CF’s will definitely be excited about you watching the 5 year old while they have a night out. Stand firm!

Hm do think there is a chance the husband likely gave encouragement and the green light… he says he didn’t know but easy way to find out is to call his friend and say DH is saying you decided on your own to tag along on our holiday and that he didn’t know… 🍿

It is indeed unbelievable, and I suspect DH wants to create a situation where he goes off drinking with his mate, leaving the “little ladies” to stay put and babysit the five year old.

I reckon he orchestrated the whole thing.

This.