My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

That sounds like a good solution - knowing you have somewhere to escape to if necessary.

That’s a good plan . Don’t tell them where your room is.

Agree - would like an update after it, enjoy it now

Yup, and me. (Fortunately, my DH would never be daft enough to do this.)

My only saving grace is that they didn’t leap out from behind the luggage carousel yelling ‘SURPRISE!’ like it was some weird holiday-themed episode of You’ve Been Framed. At least I’ve had time to brace myself… and silently scream into a cushion.” 😂

Hope you enjoy your holiday.
Have you considered booking the airport VIP lounge so you don’t run the risk of bumping into his friends? If you do for goodness sake don’t tell your DH, let it be a ‘surprise’ for when you get there.

Good for you. I think it’s very unlikely he’ll ever repeat this mistake so you’ll never have to deal with this problem again.

Well done. I’d have done this also. And he can’t very well object. I’m glad your dd is happy with this also.

@AbbeyDown Really well done OP, nicely sorted. Hope you and DD have a FAB holiday (and your DH learns a lesson!) 😎

Your solution actually sounds perfect.

Can I come? 😜

But he's gotten even more than he wanted, a holiday with his mate plus a room upgrade? I'd say he's quite pleased with how it's worked out.

That poster was insufferably smug with her 'gotcha' about the £1,000 and how OP should've had it all resolved in three days. I'm not surprised OP got shirty – this is her life, not entertainment.

So pleased you've found a resolution OP! Yay! (Not that you should have had to find an alternative though but that's something you need to sort with your 'D'H (who's an arse btw)). Enjoy your holiday 😊

I'm glad you've found a solution, sounds great and I'm sure you'll want to do that every year 😉 I love the idea of the VIP lounge too

“Oh, he’s absolutely winning at life. A surprise holiday with his mate, a room upgrade, and I’m here scrambling to make it work. If there were an award for ‘Accidentally Ruining Someone’s Holiday While Playing the Victim,’ he’d be getting the trophy. But at the end of the day, DD is my priority. I’m just trying to protect her peace and sanity aswell as my own.

Well done @AbbeyDown Fabulous solution, enjoy looking forward to your peaceful holiday again. I second the airport lounge suggestion too 🤩

Make sure you tell reception that your room number can’t be divulged to anyone!

Nicely done OP!

He might invite them to see the upgraded room.

It is still rather odd that you have suddenly been introduced to the gf just before this holiday… how that came about would make me very suspicious of your H. He has gotten everything his way, I wouldn’t tell him anything apart from the dates that he needs to book off in future.
I am so glad you have had a positive resolution for you and your daughter. I have been invested in this thread, hoping you would get a good outcome. I can’t imagine the work this has forced you to put in!
I hope the room and balcony is blissful and that dodging them with your DD is actually a fun side game on the holiday. Enjoy it! You deserve it even more than you did before!

Oh absolutely, he might think about inviting them after this whole ordeal who knows what he's thinking? But he knows full well that any attempt at being the "gracious host" after all this will have me turning into a human volcano!
I'll be making sure that our 'peace and quiet' stays exactly that - quiet!"

That's a good outcome, @AbbeyDown . Now sit your thick husband down and tell him he does not, under any circumstances, tell his friend your room number, or floor, or invite them for a look at your amazing suite. Make him sign to agree that he will not do any of these things and should he do them he will not be allowed back in your suite. Say you will also, if he puts you in this position, tell his friend that you were forced to book the suite in order to have your planned, private holiday, because you would never, under any circumstances go on a holiday with friends or even strangers and it was the only way to stop your holiday from being ruined.

Cross posted!

No doubt you will be expected to hang out with them and be in charge of the kids. How awkward all round. Someone else’s young kid would drive me mad . I would be raging with my husband. Bang goes your chill out time. How does your daughter feel? It would also be my holiday ruined and this couple obv think once you get there you will be together most of the time. Whats your husbands plan for preventing that? I don’t believe for a second this is all coincidence as they would have needed a lot of info about your holiday to book themselves in same place same dates same flights.

I think the airport lounge suggestion is a good one. Start as you mean to go on. Wouldn’t bank on her being able to enter or stay in the adults only area though. Every one I’ve been to is pretty hot on keeping kids out, as they should be.

The one time a family brought their 15 and 16 year old in the staff went over to them within minutes. Of course the mother claimed they “aren’t harming anyone” but where does it end? The rules are there for good reason and I think it takes the piss thinking you can bend them or cheat the wristband system. Other guests will have sought out a hotel with 18+ areas and paid a premium. If everyone just decides to sneak their 16 year olds in it completely ruins it for them.