My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

Read him the riot act.

Tell him to stop telling you it'll be fine and actually listen to what you are saying.

Can you change hotel?

Have you told your husband how you feel in the same way you have written your opening post? If you haven't, then do. If he still doesn't see why this has massively upset you then you have a husband problem.

Holidays are precious and I would be absolutely furious with my husband if he had colluded in a plan like this. As he would be with me if I did the same.

Change dates, that'll be easier as the hotel still gets the booking that way - but tell your DH he is not to tell them yet, and there will be major trouble if he does.

You invest in a large pair of headphones and you read your book on the sunlounger. CFGF will be busy with the five year old, and you can't 'help' - you're listening to podcasts, aren't you? Or you three are out with your teen DD (and no, you can't offer to take their teen along with you, unless your DD REALLY wants the company). With a bit of luck you can engineer it so that you hardly ever see them, if you're only in the hotel for meals.

I don't think your DH ought to be held responsible, these two are CFs extraordinaire who are tone deaf to nuance.

Holiday ruined is a bit of an overreaction imo.

Simply don't engage, agree to meet up etc. They will soon get the message.

If you wanted someone to talk to other than your dc and dd you’d have invited someone. I’d hate to have to make polite conversation with people I barely know on my holiday. Tbh I’d be bloody rude and take myself off your sunbath and read, then spend your time with your dd. Your dh can entertain his mates if he thinks it’s going to be ok

What weirdos.

@100percenthagitudemy daughter doesn’t want to go away with anyone. She said I just want to relax after my GCSE’s Mum I don’t want anyone we know to come.

I’d say ‘I don’t spend £££ to go on holiday and socialise like I can do any weekend for far less money at home. The whole point is to get away from mindless small talk and other people’s kids. So no, I will not be talking to them.’ I’d probably follow it up with ‘I’m looking at other hotel options now’.

You poor things. DH needs to sort this out. Change your dates or change your hotel.

Your DH is just not listening is he?

So change to a different hotel and announce this ‘Surprise!’ to your DH when you arrive.

'Hi friend of DH... I'm telling you now, before we set off, that I booked this holiday to have some quiet time with DH and DD. So sorry if DH encouraged you to come, but it doesn't really suit us now. Hope you have a lovely holiday and maybe we could all have a drink one evening, but other than that we will be keeping ourselves to ourselves. It might be our last holiday with DD, so Im sure you understand'

You and your DD book into another hotel. Absolutely.

That's a load of agg though if they just want to chill by the pool/bar/restaurant.

I’d explore if you can move the dates, as they are often open to this although there may be an admin charge?

I’d be raging too. One thing to sit and discuss with friends an overlapping or even shared holiday - quite another to have it imposed upon you.

You could book a separate hotel for just you and your DD, not tell your DH until you land at the destination airport, and literally leave him at the airport to go to to the original hotel with his friends. That's what I'd do

The problem is that this is a long standing friend of her husband's and it sounds like he will want to socialise with them.

What is she supposed to do at dinner time if her husband decides to go and join his friend's family? Stay in the room and order room service?

Most people in that situation would feel coerced into being polite.

The only fool proof way to avoid this is to change their holiday so they're not in the same hotel at the same time.

That would still cause awkwardness because her husband would eventually have to tell his friend that they won't be holidaying together after all. But it's better than either face to face awkwardness or the OP's holiday being ruined.

He said he didn't know?

Or he was actively surprised when they told the both of you?

Should be friendship ending if the second.

The fact it's not suggests the first

It is very bizarre that they'd dress it up as a "surprise" for OP about people she barely knows as if it's some sort of great treat.

I don’t get it op

if you think your husband is lying and he planned this - then you have a BIG problem and you and your dd should book elsewhere and then address serious marriage issues post return

if you genuinely think he’s surprised by this… then you need to either woman up and ensure the holiday is separate as possible, or tell your husband how unhappy you and his daughter are and that you’d like to change hotel

Less agg than changing the entire holiday though.

What a happy marriage
and wouldn’t lead to a horrible dramatic scene at airport with poor teen daughter watching on mortified

Reschedule ASAP - Even if its only the hotel - where are you going ? Make sure the hotel is a good hours walk away from the hotel they are staying in. Yes you can stay away from them etc, but you will know they are there you wont be bale to relax at all and be on edge. Your husband didnt plan it i dont think but he just doesn't get it and thats allowed too. Explain how you feel and tell him you are changing the hotel

Well then. DH is in a complete minority.

Can you change the hotel?