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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My one and only holiday ruined?

1000 replies

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 09:23

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

OP posts:
ohdearagain2 · 07/04/2025 10:10

I would also hate this so much - how terribly rude of them. Or is this on your husband who wants them to come? I would prob take my daughter and stay at another hotel.

Didimum · 07/04/2025 10:12

It doesn't matter how anyone else would feel, it matters how you feel. Though if you can't change hotels, then there's not much you can do about it now, which is really unfortunate. I would tell your DH you either switch hotels or you and your DD will go and stay elsewhere (if you can afford either of those two options?).

Dashel · 07/04/2025 10:13

Is any of it moveable? Move the hotel dates to next year and use the flights for a different hotel maybe? Is there an area of the hotel you can upgrade to so you have bits they can’t access? Maybe an adults only section as that would be 16 plus?

I would be fuming and looking at how to salvage this as cheaply as possible

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 07/04/2025 10:13

It's perfectly acceptable to not spend any time with them. Just because they happen to have booked at the same hotel doesn't mean they are holiday companions.

Do your thing

Strongly push back on any suggestion of meeting up and doing things together unless it suits you and your daughter.

Your husband can also do his own thing and meet up with his friend if he wants to.

At no point allow yourself or daughter to be bullied into being childcare for someone else whilst on your holiday. If your husband wants to babysit he can, but I bet he won't want to on his own.

Really enjoy your break with your daughter 😊 don't let this impact on your ability to relax, it's just another group of people in the background, be polite but ignore them 😊

I'm particular avoid coordinated breakfast as you'll struggle to lose them for the day.

CountryQueen · 07/04/2025 10:14

The “someone to talk to” bit is so patronising. Wasn’t he planning on talking to you then? Or are you just a silly little woman who needs another silly woman to chatter inanely to?

I would be furious actually, at them all including DH.

mumuseli · 07/04/2025 10:14

Is the girlfriend the mum of the 5 year old? Just wondering as this would affect how much childcare she is likely to want to do.
Also, is DH’s friend’s teenager a male
or female? Is it someone your daughter knows well?

herbalteabag · 07/04/2025 10:14

If your husband didn't know until after they'd booked he probably didn't know how to handle it. But the fact is they've booked and will be there, but you don't need to let it ruin your holiday. You don't have to spend time with them if you don't want to, and you and your daughter can still relax without engaging with them as much as you like. You and your daughter can go off on your own if you like. If your husband wants to spend time with them, that's fine.

If your husband goes off with his mate, you and your daughter can go off and do something together without the girlfriend and 5 year old - there's no obligation for you to entertain them or keep them company. I suspect the girlfriend won't like this and will complain to her partner about him leaving her alone to do the parenting.

It wouldn't bother me that much personally, and my son who is the same age would probably prefer it as long as we weren't glued to them. The holiday isn't ruined, but you have to do what you want and tell your husband that you aren't planning on hanging out with some people you don't know.

CountryQueen · 07/04/2025 10:15

All those saying “your husband can do his own thing, meet them if he wants to”, why can he? It’s their family holiday, it’s not ok for him to just fuck off and meet up with the lads leaving his wife and daughter.

ScribblingPixie · 07/04/2025 10:16

Take control of the situation, OP. Tell your OH this doesn't work for either you or your daughter and you won't be doing it. Hopefully you have booked the hotel with a decent cancellation policy so you can change it for the two of you if necessary. I don't particularly believe this booking was a surprise to your husband so he needs to own it and explain to his friend he's messed up.

tipsyraven · 07/04/2025 10:17

herbalteabag · 07/04/2025 10:14

If your husband didn't know until after they'd booked he probably didn't know how to handle it. But the fact is they've booked and will be there, but you don't need to let it ruin your holiday. You don't have to spend time with them if you don't want to, and you and your daughter can still relax without engaging with them as much as you like. You and your daughter can go off on your own if you like. If your husband wants to spend time with them, that's fine.

If your husband goes off with his mate, you and your daughter can go off and do something together without the girlfriend and 5 year old - there's no obligation for you to entertain them or keep them company. I suspect the girlfriend won't like this and will complain to her partner about him leaving her alone to do the parenting.

It wouldn't bother me that much personally, and my son who is the same age would probably prefer it as long as we weren't glued to them. The holiday isn't ruined, but you have to do what you want and tell your husband that you aren't planning on hanging out with some people you don't know.

It is supposed to be a family holiday with parents spending time with DD after her exams. The father not spending time with them isn’t going to be great and will no doubt cause friction. It’s not the relaxing holiday OP and her daughter want.

OP, I’d show him this thread.

IridescentRainbow · 07/04/2025 10:18

I would feel like you and probably not go. But I know that I would feel terrible if they went without me. I think you should go, don’t worry about makeup…who cares what they think? And just do what you want and ignore them as much as you can. Your worst problem is your husband. If he had agreed with you and sat down to work out strategies you might have coped better.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/04/2025 10:18

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 09:53

@100percenthagitudemy daughter doesn’t want to go away with anyone. She said I just want to relax after my GCSE’s Mum I don’t want anyone we know to come.

Tell your husband this.

Tell him that his friend has massively overstepped the mark by piggybacking on your holiday, that if you wanted to go away with them you would have organised to do just that, and that you want to change either your hotel or your dates so that you and your DD actually get the holiday you want and deserve.

If it's really not possible to change either, tell your husband to tell his friend that you and your DD are actually quite upset about this because you really wanted to get away from it all and have a family holiday just the three of you, and so beyond the occasional drink in the bar he can't expect to hang out.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 07/04/2025 10:19

CountryQueen · 07/04/2025 10:15

All those saying “your husband can do his own thing, meet them if he wants to”, why can he? It’s their family holiday, it’s not ok for him to just fuck off and meet up with the lads leaving his wife and daughter.

I love my DH and would want him to enjoy his holiday too, and if that meant he was sometimes enjoying sometime with a friend I wouldn't mind that. But the daughter in this case is 16 and won't need constant supervision, I would feel differently if the child was young, and would want more time as a family as youngsters need more entertainment.

Icedlatteplease · 07/04/2025 10:19

The OP says my DD not our DD.

I'm just wondering if this is the DH's child or a step child

ConnieSlow · 07/04/2025 10:19

I would be very upset too, pretty sure your dh will get there and want to spend time with this friend. And then even if you and dd do your own thing, you would want dh with yourll! I would not let my one and only holiday be spoilt like this. Your dh needs to book somewhere else. This will no doubt be an issue.

if you are told you are overreacting now, imagine what he would say if he wants to meet his friend for ‘only an hour’ here and there.

BountifulPantry · 07/04/2025 10:21

Honestly I think your husband has encouraged this somehow so that he has a buddy there…

LivelyHare · 07/04/2025 10:22

I feel for you, girl. I really do!

I don’t think your husband is innocent in this at all. Me being me I would pick up the phone and bluntly tell his friend how I feel. So there’s no confusion on the actual holiday why you don’t want to hang with them. The friend is muscling in on an important family moment here and that’s not on.

dunroamingfornow · 07/04/2025 10:22

AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 09:50

My husband has just rang me from work and I’ve told him how I feel. He said he didn’t know and the friend asked when and were we were going.
He said he thinks it will be fine as I will have someone to talk to!! I’ve told him I don’t want anyone to talk to!

That would settle it for me. I would change the hotel. He’s not going to hold boundaries and it will probably end up as a “ joint “ holiday. Why don’t you surprise him by changing the hotel but not telling him until you land ?

StillTryingToKeepGoing · 07/04/2025 10:22

Friends joined our holiday. No problem at all for us. But it had obvs been the husband’s decision , the wife was not overly happy, and it took a shine off the week for everyone. Don’t assume she’s happy about it either !

noidea69 · 07/04/2025 10:24

UrinalCake · 07/04/2025 10:09

If DH can be made to be on board, the easiest option here is to change the dates a bit and claim work moved one of your annual leave.

If he won't, I'd book somewhere else for you and DD instead.

Why does the husband need to be on board with anything? Too much of the OP's posts seem to be around whether or not she can get permission to change the holiday. Just change the holiday.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 07/04/2025 10:24

@CountryQueenmy DH has really annoyed me saying this. He has also referred to a situation last year were I started chatting with a lady on the next subbed and we became friendly when I saw her around the pool. I’ve told him that isn’t the same, I didn’t know her and we wasn’t going out at night etc

OP posts:
Mayyouleave · 07/04/2025 10:24

BountifulPantry · 07/04/2025 10:21

Honestly I think your husband has encouraged this somehow so that he has a buddy there…

Yes I'd say so too. As a PP said what sort of 'surprise' is it when OP doesn't even know them well.
He said he thinks it will be fine as I will have someone to talk to! How dare he! Does he think because she's a woman you'll be best pals? No, he thinks you'll be fine keeping her and her DC company while the men folk have a night out.

Simplynotsimple · 07/04/2025 10:25

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 07/04/2025 10:19

I love my DH and would want him to enjoy his holiday too, and if that meant he was sometimes enjoying sometime with a friend I wouldn't mind that. But the daughter in this case is 16 and won't need constant supervision, I would feel differently if the child was young, and would want more time as a family as youngsters need more entertainment.

Show quote history

This is a man who is likely 40 years old like the op. He’s not a teen who needs a little mate to help enjoy the holidays, he’s a fully grown man there to spend down time with his wife and near grown child who will likely not be wanting more holidays with mum and dad soon. If he just wants to hang out with his friend, maybe they should both stay at home and go down the pub. It will be far cheaper for them.

ClairDeLaLune · 07/04/2025 10:26

That’s awful OP, I would be so pissed off. You need to tell him that it’s supposed to be a special family holiday with your daughter and neither she nor you want to spend it with other people. And that you want to change the hotel.

You obviously can’t tell the other family not to come. But if you change the hotel that sends them a strong message.

xsammi · 07/04/2025 10:26

I think it's time for your own surprise...

I know you like the hotel, but these other people will be in it. And annual leave dates will have been fixed by now.

So... I'd rebook a different hotel.

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