My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

If he lets them anywhere near your room, he can sleep in the bathtub!

So glad you have got a resolution!

Just a thought, but I wonder if your husband doesn't find your quiet relaxing holiday as enjoyable as you and DD do. Maybe he's a bit bored, maybe he wants to do "stuff" (jet-sking / paragliding / quad biking) ... I dunno. Perhaps a conversation to have with him later when this has all died down a bit?

Then he should use his words and say so.

Well he can always go off on n his own to do water sports.

@Wtafdidido I’ve actually upgraded to a premium suite with a wraparound balcony, so we have our own space and can escape if it gets too much. As for being expected to hang out with them and look after the kids, absolutely not. It’s hard enough dealing with someone else’s kids in a normal situation, let alone on a holiday I had planned for peace and quiet. I’m honestly just trying to salvage any chill time at this point.

And yes, DD is not thrilled about the situation either but is happy with my plan. We both wanted a relaxed, low-key holiday, not one where we have to put on a show for the extended holiday party.

As for my husband, well, he’s got a lot to figure out if he wants to avoid a full-blown holiday meltdown. After this whole mess, I’m not holding my breath on him coming up with a foolproof ‘plan’ to prevent them from tagging along too much.

And you’re right, highly doubt this is all coincidence. They’ve clearly been fishing for information, which makes the whole thing even worse. This was not some random turn of events; it feels more like a surprise ambush.

Glad you got sorted and you def were not over reacting. From her comment about the five year old being chilled she obviously expected you all to be hanging out. When your past the holidays with little kids stage you are past it and no matter how chilled some parent thinks their kid is they are still not your kid and change the dynamic. Hope you have a great holiday or at least you and your daughter do! Male stupidity is in a world of its own.

Looks like this thread will fill up soon, but if you wanted to start a new thread in case of any cheeky fuckery on the holiday, either from DH or his friends, then I will be there like a shot!

@AbbeyDownYou need to make it 100% clear to your DH that he can’t invite them back to your room for drinks on the balcony.

@AbbeyDown really feel for you op ,some people are unbelievable. I can’t believe they thought this was ok . I just can’t imagine inviting myself along to someone else’s holiday , it’s so so weird tbh . You are doing the absolutely right thing by trying to arrange some space and privacy but mark my words they will definitely ask your daughter to babysit (please come back and tell us how the holiday goes ), they will definitely go up to your area so you need to work on /be firm and stand your ground.
I know people like this , absolute experts in taking advantage of other people , always have been , it’s actually a way of life for them and has been over the years. Joining on to holidays , staying in people houses uninvited to safe money on accommodation/food . Your friends might well be not like that but to tag along on someone’s holiday is extremely weird.
The only way is to be firm and direct though. Good luck

I just want to thank everyone for the advice and support and Well, as the holiday approaches and the saga continues, I’ll keep you updated on how I’m navigating this unexpected group holiday. Will I successfully avoid them around the restaurant? Probably. Poolside? Definitely. I’ve upgraded to a suite with a wraparound balcony so we can sunbathe in peace and avoid any accidental run-ins with my ‘surprise guests’. Will I need to employ some impressive stealth moves to not be spotted at the pool? Absolutely. Stay tuned for ‘How to Not Talk to People You Didn’t Invite on Your Holiday’—spoiler: it involves lots of time on my private balcony and zero small talk.

And to the delightful folks who gave me their priceless advice, don’t worry, I’ll be sure to send you a full report on how I avoided them at every turn while still looking like I’m having the time of my life. Wish me luck, because I’ll need all the luck (and sunscreen) I can get ☺️.

There’s no reason for the interlopers to know that OP doesn’t have a standard room.

Because if DH opens his Big Fucking Mouth again, OP will kill him.

I've been following this & am glad you've come up with the best possible outcome in the circumstances, OP.

I guess once you're there, you'll soon find out where your DH stands on the 'mate's holiday or family holiday' issue. Let's hope his heart's in the right place. I'm sure you're ready to defend your hotel space & your DD like a lioness - let's hope you don't have to & that you get a relaxing time.

Have a great holiday & do please let us know how it goes.

Wishing you good luck and I’m glad you’ve managed to find a solution where you’ll hopefully get the privacy and quiet time you need. Being put in the position you were in would be my worst nightmare.

Really pleased you’ve sorted it, well sorted it in as much as you will have space in the bigger suite to do your own thing and not be invaded by the surprise party! Hoping DH will keep quiet as to where it is!!!!

Have a lovely holiday in your new room OP! I’m just annoyed that you have had to waste mental energy on this, instead of just thinking about what clothes to pack.

Try and give it no more thought now. You may still be able to have a nice holiday and just ignore them. Smile politely and walk off each time. Hopefully they will get the message.

Wondering if the CFGF is a MNer?

@AbbeyDown it sounds amazing. I'm just a bit worried that the room number will accidentally slip out of DH's mouth - he needs to have a stock answer prepared because it WILL look odd to his friend if he says, "We'll just pick you up on the way down for dinner tonight, whereabouts is your room again?" and DH says "I can't tell you". I mean, good for him if you def think you'll have him properly trained, but ....

When is the holiday, OP?
Do you need to start a new thread now as this one is filling up?

I'm so pleased you got sorted and a space to have peace and quiet. Your DH can go drink and do with his mate, and you and DD are nowhere convenient to babysit mate's girlfriend and child.
I have an image of Dastardly and Muttley in my head, giggling away as you've foiled their plans!

I love the sound of over 18s pool!

well done e you

Great update about the upgrade suite. DH must not disclose the location or invite them in.
Have you booked your seats on the plane yet or too early ? If they have booked the same flights they might be expecting to sit next to you and share transfer to the hotel. Get some advance strategies in place! Hope you have a lovely time with DD

I know I shouldn't be laughing @AbbeyDown but I am admiring your style! You're funny and resourceful.

Congratulations & also kudos for your good humour. I'm quite envious of what sounds like it's going to be a lovely holiday. Have a great time!

Well done, OP. I think you have done the best you can given the circumstances and at the very least your husband knows that you will not tolerate this.
I hope you have a wonderful break

That sounds an excellent plan - the upgraded accommodation sounds lovely. A wrap around balcony is great. So sorry you have had the hassle and stress but this like the ideal solution. Have a super time my dears. xxx

Well done.

Good luck to your DD in her GCSEs.