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AIBU?

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Original poster

Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

368 replies

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:07

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

OP posts:
WombTangClan · 06/04/2025 07:10

Your body your choice but be prepared to go it alone?

zendeveloper · 06/04/2025 07:12

How old all of you are?

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/04/2025 07:14

Don't give in to pressure. Make your own choice.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:15

I am 24 and he's about to turn 26

OP posts:
Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:16

zendeveloper · 06/04/2025 07:12

How old all of you are?

I'm 24 and he's about to turn 26

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2025 07:16

You can ofc keep the baby and go it alone but you may find he and or his family change their minds at any point in the future and want to become involved with the baby. Standard advice is to not give him parental responsibility by leaving his name off the birth certificate. He will still have to pay CSA.

You both sound very young and immature not to mention deeply foolish.

bibliomania · 06/04/2025 07:17

The question to ask is whether this is a good situation to bring a child into.

Don't bring a child into a difficult situation and afterwards moan that it's difficult.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:17

WombTangClan · 06/04/2025 07:10

Your body your choice but be prepared to go it alone?

My family are being very supportive and have made it clear to me we will raise this child as a team and that I will never be alone

OP posts:
Playmobil4Eva · 06/04/2025 07:17

Were you using condoms?

Londonrach1 · 06/04/2025 07:17

Your body your choice. I'm walk away from this man. What a horrible family. Go it alone

LaurieFairyCake · 06/04/2025 07:18

Stop seeing any of them, block them all Flowers

keep the baby if you want, I assume you live independently? Go to CMS after the birth for child support for the baby.

BusMumsHoliday · 06/04/2025 07:18

It's your choice. No one can force you to have an abortion.

The father of your child has shown you who he really is. You'll be connected to him and his family for the rest of your life. He's probably going to fight supporting the child. Do you have a support network around you?

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:18

bibliomania · 06/04/2025 07:17

The question to ask is whether this is a good situation to bring a child into.

Don't bring a child into a difficult situation and afterwards moan that it's difficult.

I know its not going to be easy but this baby will be brought into a loving environment regardless of him being there

OP posts:
Duggeewoof · 06/04/2025 07:18

Say you decide to keep the baby. He may not be interested or want the baby now but he can change his mind about that at anytime. Would you really want to potential co-parent with this man for 18 years? Have a long hard think.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/04/2025 07:19

Of course no one can make you have an abortion, however just some hard cold facts Op:
Your relationship is over baby or no baby
Ask yourself if you really are ok with being connected to this man and his family for the next 18yrs
if your last relationship was abusive I would say there’s a pattern and at some point you may want to address this.

how old are you OP? If you are younger than 30, Im in no way encouraging an abortion, but have a serious this about what you want the rest of your life to look like.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:19

LaurieFairyCake · 06/04/2025 07:18

Stop seeing any of them, block them all Flowers

keep the baby if you want, I assume you live independently? Go to CMS after the birth for child support for the baby.

I live at home with my parents and they are wanting to help me in any way they can

OP posts:
Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:21

BusMumsHoliday · 06/04/2025 07:18

It's your choice. No one can force you to have an abortion.

The father of your child has shown you who he really is. You'll be connected to him and his family for the rest of your life. He's probably going to fight supporting the child. Do you have a support network around you?

My family are being so supportive and don't want me or baby to have any contact with him or his family

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 06/04/2025 07:21

What is best for the child?

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/04/2025 07:21

Why weren’t you using protection? At 24 you know what can happen when you have unprotected sex right? And yes it’s on him too but you are the one now left with a child to raise. Did you want to have a baby? You sound very immature.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/04/2025 07:21

I might be willing to be a single parent but I would not want to do that with an abusive father with an abusive family. Unless you’re going to move hundreds of miles away (and away from your family network), you potentially have to deal with these people, and him having an equal say over your baby, for many years to come.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:22

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/04/2025 07:19

Of course no one can make you have an abortion, however just some hard cold facts Op:
Your relationship is over baby or no baby
Ask yourself if you really are ok with being connected to this man and his family for the next 18yrs
if your last relationship was abusive I would say there’s a pattern and at some point you may want to address this.

how old are you OP? If you are younger than 30, Im in no way encouraging an abortion, but have a serious this about what you want the rest of your life to look like.

I'm 24 and I know its a big choice to make but everyone around me is supportive of my situation and have made it clear to me that this baby will be surrounded by love.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 06/04/2025 07:22

If you want your baby and your family are supportive then there is no reason for you to listen to a word he or his family say. You are a grown woman not a child. It is your decision. I would not have another conversation until your baby is born.

He made his choice when he chose not to wear a condom.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Good luck.

OliphantJones · 06/04/2025 07:24

Just bringing a baby into a loving household isn’t enough. How are you going to finance having a baby? How are you going to support the child for 18 years and beyond?
You sound like a 17 year old, not someone in their mid twenties.

PurpleFlower1983 · 06/04/2025 07:24

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:22

I'm 24 and I know its a big choice to make but everyone around me is supportive of my situation and have made it clear to me that this baby will be surrounded by love.

Show quote history

That’s lovely but is that really what you want at 24 years old and no father for your child?

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2025 07:24

You can choose to do what you want regarding the pregnancy. It sounds like neither of you were concerned if you got pregnant as neither of you chose to use contraception. Both of you were pretty silly to go down this route.
Now, you’re left with probably raising a child as a single parent.

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