Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

[OneAquaShaker]

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

‘Taking responsibility’ means being financially independent and having the means to support yourself and DC without relying on ‘full time’ childcare provided by your family.

Of course it was very unwise to get pregnant so early in a relationship. And both of you are extremely irresponsible not to have used contraception. But what on earth has it got to do with his parents unless they are supporting you both financially. If you don't want an abortion don't have one. They should a absolutely not be bullying you.

And going to his house with your family. Why? You both sound really immature. His family do sound like awful people though.

Another person planning to drain public finances......

I am very much 24. I live at home with my parents because quite frankly they don't want me to move out they are happy with me being at home and I support them by paying rent

What’s your job and wage? Is it actually good? Enough to support a baby? Or just some dreamy illusion you’ve made up in your head?
Honestly, I don’t even think this is real.

Why do you keep mentioning working from home. Most employers will still expect you to arrange childcare during your working hours. Don't kid yourself that you can look after a baby/toddler whilst working. Real babies aren't like TV babies - out of sight/sleeping/quiet all the time.

In addition, giving this child a "fantastic life" doesn't equate to being born to one parent who didn't want you and potentially being shuffled between homes if the father should decide he wants access.

You really sound deluded.

It was a decision on both families parts for us to go round there and have a discussion

He might want at some point contact, be prepared for that also.

Ultimately it's up to you isn't it, don't ever get an abortion you do not want because someone else is pressuring you, it's your body and your choice.

The company I work for are very good at understanding child care and that parents are allowed to take time each day from work to support their child

So you were fine with getting pregnant by someone you’d known 5 minutes? He didn’t bring up any concerns! Were you living at home with your parents when you and your previous boyfriend decided pregnancy was the next step and you came off contraception? You sound completely and utterly irresponsible and selfish.

I’m going to go against the middle-class consensus here that all parents must be cohabiting or married and at least 35 before having children, after 10 years of lengthy negotiations…

Look, you said yourself it’s not ideal and not how you would have planned it. However, you are where you are. If you’re sure you can afford it (you’re working so that’s one worry dealt with), you trust your family to pick up any slack and have the gumption to go it alone, without regretting your old life, then go for it. It’s a lot to take on, but plenty have done it before you and made a success of it, so why couldn’t you? It will mean you have to be extremely careful about who you let into your life and your child’s from now on - no boyfriends wandering in and out etc. You will need to make big changes but I don’t see why you and your family won’t be able to raise a happy healthy child. Kids need love, consistent parenting, and firm boundaries. They don’t need holidays to Tuscany and iPads. If you can give the baby a stable home, go for it.

You will categorically not be able to look after a baby satisfactorily and work from home. The fact you are considering this suggests you aren't aware of what being a parent actually entails.

The OP has made it clear she doesn’t want an abortion. I can't believe PPa are puling on more pressure to go down that route.

OP I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to explain your choice.

In the nicest possible way, do you have learning difficulties @OneAquaShaker
I wonder if this is why you are quite naive about men and wanting a baby seems like a nice thing to do.
It would also explain why your family want to have you live with them and are supporting you so much (rather than considering you foolish).
You also keep repeating having a good job which sounds like a learnt line, maybe something your parents have told you or you have heard them say.
Other than family do you have other people that support you?

Uh huh. After you sleep with someone? What is the logic?

Thank you! I'm making the best out of an unfortunate situation and as you said many women end up in the same position as me I am taking the time to learn my parental rights and what advice I can seek from charities

So you were actually looking to get pregnant.

Why are you attracted to abusive men?
Are you sure you want to be tied to your parents going forward? Presuming you can’t affford to buy a house.

Would love to know this company, seems to be one that pops up on MN but I never see these magical work from home jobs where people can look after their children at the same time. I would love to find something that requires such little effort that I can work and look after children but be paid really well.

Your family will be bearing the brunt of your immaturity. If you're living at home, can you afford to get your own place? Do your family really want to house you and your child long term? What are their plans? They might want to retire or move to a smaller house.

You don't sound as if you've got any idea of what you're really getting into.
MY DD is 20, lives at home and is working. If she fell pregnant, I'd try and help her all I can but I also know she's unrealistic about what it actually costs to run a house or raise a child because she's never done that and gets a very good financial deal living at home.

It does sound like you’ve wanted to get pregnant.

Not using any protection with a new partner is down right foolish on both ends.

Ok now I’m just not believing this- or OP lives in a fantasy land.
a great paying job that allows you to take time out your day to be with your child that you got at 24!
you don’t take contraception but take an STI test after unprotected sex

also be very aware the idea of a baby sounds great to a grandparent when it’s almost hypothetical. When there’s a screaming baby in their house and you want to go out and the washing is piling, they may not want to help so much anymore.

I've spoken to charities regarding my situation and they are pointing me in the right direction to get some advice and support