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Original poster

Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

368 replies

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:07

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

OP posts:
Lookuptotheskies · 06/04/2025 07:59

OP are you aware that his family may decide when baby is here that he DOES want to be involved and that he could petition for contact, eventually building it up to 50/50 care? Handing your child over for half of it's childhood to a family that wanted him or her aborted and strongly dislike you.

Parents who share 50/50 child arrangements with a knob head father generally find it hellish. They also get little or no child maintenance either.

I think for people going into having a child with anyone need to be aware of the realities of a child having separated parents. Even parents currently together and happy. The current scenario of a not ideal parent deciding they want their child with them half the time to dodge financial responsibility and to upset the mother is a very common reality at the moment.

ThatsCute · 06/04/2025 08:00

You say that you and this guy were talking about having a baby together. What did that plan look like? Was the agreement that you would live with the baby at your parents’ house, and he would live separately? Where does he currently live? With his parents?

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:00

Deebee90 · 06/04/2025 07:58

Let’s face it his parents are right you did trap him. You wanted a baby and now you’ve got one. You say you have a good job that’s fine start saving for the baby and your own place as you won’t get one on the council.

I didn't trap him he was aware I wasn't on birth control and he played no part in protecting himself from this happening

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 06/04/2025 08:00

You wanted to have a baby, and you didn’t really mind who it was with. I am suspicious that you actually told him you were not on birth control, however, he should have taken his own precautions.

I do think you sound naive and unrealistic when it comes to raising a child ..I think you wanted a baby so badly, that you have created a fantasy scenario in your head, where everything is easy, and just slots into place - job, housing, money etc.

The thing is often reality does not meet fantasy.

I do feel sorry for your parents, who are now going to be the de facto other parent, with a newborn in the house, and all that entails. I don’t think, at 24, your job is good enough to support a single parent household, so they will need to support you financially as well.

.,. and of course they have said they are happy to support you financially.. that’s what good parents do, but this is a huge imposition

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:01

ThatsCute · 06/04/2025 08:00

You say that you and this guy were talking about having a baby together. What did that plan look like? Was the agreement that you would live with the baby at your parents’ house, and he would live separately? Where does he currently live? With his parents?

Him, my parents and myself discussed him moving in with us while baby is young so I'm close to hospital for appointments and so we have extra support and then we planned into moving into our own place

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 06/04/2025 08:02

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:59

I'm not denying that we were both naive or silly to think that pregnancy would never happen it takes two to tango at the end of the day but being told by his parents it's completely my fault is untrue

Why DID you think pregnancy would never happen if you were having unprotected sex at an age where your fertility is likely as high as it’s ever going to get?

Did he tell you he was infertile?

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:03

ExtraOnions · 06/04/2025 08:00

You wanted to have a baby, and you didn’t really mind who it was with. I am suspicious that you actually told him you were not on birth control, however, he should have taken his own precautions.

I do think you sound naive and unrealistic when it comes to raising a child ..I think you wanted a baby so badly, that you have created a fantasy scenario in your head, where everything is easy, and just slots into place - job, housing, money etc.

The thing is often reality does not meet fantasy.

I do feel sorry for your parents, who are now going to be the de facto other parent, with a newborn in the house, and all that entails. I don’t think, at 24, your job is good enough to support a single parent household, so they will need to support you financially as well.

.,. and of course they have said they are happy to support you financially.. that’s what good parents do, but this is a huge imposition

I am not a liar and I find it disgusting that anyone would purposely lie about their contraception methods in order to fall pregnant

OP posts:
Caerulea · 06/04/2025 08:03

Firstly - ensure the man is gone. He very much needs to be an ex, what a tosser.

As for the pregnancy? It's entirely on you what you'd like. If you want a baby then you have the baby. It's not easy being a parent whatever your situation but truly yours doesn't sound too bad as you have the financial means, love & support.

Having an abortion also isn't the wrong option if that's what you choose to do for you.

Never2many · 06/04/2025 08:03

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 07:56

I've been looking into to charities that support single parents and I know its not going to be easy but there's not a single doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be able to raise this baby without its father

Show quote history

OP, you didn’t even stop to think that having unprotected sex could result in pregnancy (apparently), how can you possibly think that you’re mature and sensible enough to raise a child.

You’re fortunate your parents are prepared to support you. I sure as fuck wouldn’t if you were my daughter. I’d be active encouraging an abortion on the basis of the fact you’ve been so irrensponsible and IMO nowhere near ready to be a parent.

Commonsense22 · 06/04/2025 08:04

What a pile on - poor OP.

Abortion is not trivial and nobody should ever be pressured into it. I really hope none of the PPs have children who get pregnant while living at home.
Again, the OP has given her choice. The guilt trips are awful and damaging.

I'm glad you're strong and taking them in your stride OP. I have no advice regarding the father but I wish you all the best.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:05

Butchyrestingface · 06/04/2025 08:02

Why DID you think pregnancy would never happen if you were having unprotected sex at an age where your fertility is likely as high as it’s ever going to get?

Did he tell you he was infertile?

Show quote history

He did think he was infertile and I thought that due to the depo injection effecting your fertility for a period of time after coming off id not get pregnant. Yes it was stupid to think but im playing the cards I've been dealt with

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 06/04/2025 08:05

With huge financial, housing and childcare support from your parents you might be able to live independently, eventually. It’s a lot to ask of them and you will be dependent on retaining their goodwill, money, time and energy.

Charities won’t pay your bills. You might be able to get some benefits but that probably won’t provide much.

Stop with the ‘false hope’ crap: if you thought someone of that age you’d known a short time and didn’t use contraception would step up that was your own choice and judgment.

Never2many · 06/04/2025 08:06

And you’re looking into charities that support single parents? For a baby which you actively tried to conceive?

Starlight7080 · 06/04/2025 08:06

You new you would get pregnant. You have obviously been ready for sometime.
So I would accept why his family are acting the way they are.
But he did also know it was a strong possibility. So more fool him
But you should accept that they don't want to be involved. You hardly know this man or his family.
Just move on and plan on being a single mum.
Don't rush into another relationship just focus on the baby .
You sound quite impulsive so maybe think before this happens again in the future.
It's a lot easier raising a child in a long term loving relationship that leads to children . Then to abandon all contraception and see what happens .

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:06

Commonsense22 · 06/04/2025 08:04

What a pile on - poor OP.

Abortion is not trivial and nobody should ever be pressured into it. I really hope none of the PPs have children who get pregnant while living at home.
Again, the OP has given her choice. The guilt trips are awful and damaging.

I'm glad you're strong and taking them in your stride OP. I have no advice regarding the father but I wish you all the best.

Thank you. I came here for some support from other single parents or women who went through pregnancy alone but instead am being made out like it's 100% my fault

OP posts:
OneWaryCat · 06/04/2025 08:08

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/04/2025 07:16

You can ofc keep the baby and go it alone but you may find he and or his family change their minds at any point in the future and want to become involved with the baby. Standard advice is to not give him parental responsibility by leaving his name off the birth certificate. He will still have to pay CSA.

You both sound very young and immature not to mention deeply foolish.

Edited

This last bit is very mean and uncalled for.

Never2many · 06/04/2025 08:08

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:05

He did think he was infertile and I thought that due to the depo injection effecting your fertility for a period of time after coming off id not get pregnant. Yes it was stupid to think but im playing the cards I've been dealt with

Show quote history

You’re sounding less and less plausible here.

You said you came off of Depo a year ago as pregnancy was your next intended step with your previous partner. Then the relationship ended, new shag comes along and bingo, opportunity to carry on the pregnancy is next step narrative.

You’re naive if you think anyone is going to believe the “I didn’t think I could get pregnant” line.

Suzuki76 · 06/04/2025 08:09

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:05

He did think he was infertile and I thought that due to the depo injection effecting your fertility for a period of time after coming off id not get pregnant. Yes it was stupid to think but im playing the cards I've been dealt with

Show quote history

Reported. How can you go from having sex with no condom because you both wanted children to him thinking he's infertile, magically, as soon as another poster suggests it?

Butchyrestingface · 06/04/2025 08:09

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:05

He did think he was infertile and I thought that due to the depo injection effecting your fertility for a period of time after coming off id not get pregnant. Yes it was stupid to think but im playing the cards I've been dealt with

Show quote history

Okay, if he told you he was infertile that does put a slightly different slant on it, but only slightly because this is probably a line he uses regularly to get bareback sex. I really think you need to wise up.

I’d also suggest a STD test in the meantime, if you haven’t had one already during this relationship.

Just go no contact with him and his family for the time being. If nothing else, it will be preparation for how you’re likely going to have to cope once baby is here.

Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:10

OneWaryCat · 06/04/2025 08:08

This last bit is very mean and uncalled for.

Show quote history

I've explained how attacked and ambushed I have already been by him and his family and came here to hear from single parents or women who had gone through pregnancy alone but I have been thrown to the wolves and once again made out like it's all my fault

OP posts:
Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:11

Never2many · 06/04/2025 08:08

You’re sounding less and less plausible here.

You said you came off of Depo a year ago as pregnancy was your next intended step with your previous partner. Then the relationship ended, new shag comes along and bingo, opportunity to carry on the pregnancy is next step narrative.

You’re naive if you think anyone is going to believe the “I didn’t think I could get pregnant” line.

Show quote history

Yes it was naive to think that I don't disagree but I've made my choice to keep this baby

OP posts:
Original poster
OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:12

Suzuki76 · 06/04/2025 08:09

Reported. How can you go from having sex with no condom because you both wanted children to him thinking he's infertile, magically, as soon as another poster suggests it?

Show quote history

I can only go by what I've been told by him

OP posts:
Gogogo12345 · 06/04/2025 08:12

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2025 07:25

It’s not up to your family whether the father has contact with the baby or not. Technically, he could take you to court and end up with a 50/50 child arrangement order.

Show quote history

In reality it's unlikely. But best not to put him on the birth certificate

Elunajeya · 06/04/2025 08:12

OneAquaShaker · 06/04/2025 08:06

Thank you. I came here for some support from other single parents or women who went through pregnancy alone but instead am being made out like it's 100% my fault

Show quote history

That’s not what you said earlier.

Clocloxx · 06/04/2025 08:13

Some nasty comments by bitter people on this thread! I was 24 when I 1st fell pregnant with my bf of 3 months, his family passed words telling me I presume your getting a abortion etc how dare anyone tell you what to do with your body or your little soon to be baby! The dad sounds terrible and his family are worse! Don't let them decide or cloud your judgment regarding your pregnancy! I have a beautiful little 7 year dd now who is my absolute everything she was honestly the best thing that happened me, and I always think back to them nasty remarks from my inlaws.
If you're own family are standing by to support you then fantastic! Plenty of women raise kids by themselves too