Father of the child and his family forcing me into getting an abortion

[OneAquaShaker]

A bit of back story, me and the father met in December so I know in terms of timing it is unconventional and not how I planned on becoming pregnant. We were in a relationship together and found out I was pregnant at the end of February when we found out me and the father were both over the moon and he asked me not to get an abortion. Up until the 8 week mark we have been discussing our future together and how excited we are to be parents. Fast forward to last Saturday the conversation came up to why I decided to come off the depo injection this time last year and I was honest and said its because at the time I was in a long term relationship where we both thought pregnancy was our next step but ultimately it didn't work out as he was abusive. From then the father and his family have made claims that I've baby trapped him and all I wanted out of him was to get pregnant. This is not the case I made the father aware when we first met I wasn't on contraception and he made no effort to protect himself, they've also claimed im unfit to be a mum as me and my family went over to his house to have a conversation about the situation and once we got there, I was shouted at and blamed by his parents and due to being shouted at I got upset and cried, his step dad then made a comment about how if this situation is stressing me am I sure im fit to raise a baby, they also tried to claim that I didn't tell the father I wasn't on contraception which isn't true, at no point have I said to the father that he needs to stick around I have asked him if he will be there to support me and the baby and he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me and that I'm ruining his life and I needed to pick whether I wanted him or the baby and has told me I need to abort the baby multiple times, I have made it clear to him what my views on abortion are and told him it's my reproductive right to have this baby and its down to him if he's going to step up and be a father. I've been told I'm delusional and that I'm a manipulator and I'm abusing him. It's also come to my attention that one of his friends told him to try and convince me its my ex's child and not his so he can walk away with no ties to the baby. Am I being unfair to not have an abortion after originally being told to keep my pregnancy by the father and him being excited about and then changing his mind?

Regardless the situation now, you must take accountability here in some way. Contraception is down to both of you. I can understand both perspectives here, maybe you did jump the gun a little coming off the injection. Take some time to reflect that. However equally if you want this baby you have this baby! Congratulations on this pregnancy

I came of birth control for a number of reasons some being medical and he was aware of that and no point did he bring up any concerns about what would happen if I fell pregnant because we both want to have children but suddenly he's changed his mind

It’s not up to your family whether the father has contact with the baby or not. Technically, he could take you to court and end up with a 50/50 child arrangement order.

Having children is really hard even when starting from an ideal setup of two people in a stable relationship who really want the child. I think you might be underestimating how difficult it would be in your situation.

Having said that, it’s your choice, and I’d bin this man either way.

I work full time and earn a good wage im financially stable enough to look raise a child and with my family being around they've made it clear they would help with child care while i work. I work from home also so no fear of being away from the baby

Well, they're not forcing you to get an abortion. They're strongly suggesting it but it's totally your choice whether you have one. If they're harassing you then block the lot of them.

You need to decide whether you can do this alone. Can you afford to support yourself and a child? Not just through the baby stage but through childhood? Are you prepared for the restrictions this will place on your life? You're still young, but if you are prepared for what's involved then go for it. You can claim CMS from the father. If he denies parentage the CMS service can ask for proof that he isn't the father. They can also request he takes a DNA test or ask the courts to decide.

ETA: I think you're very immature to not be using some kind of birth control so early in a relationship (or making sure he was). It's all very well "wanting a baby", but you need to thoroughly know your partner first before you even begin trying. A couple of months of dating is ridiculous, but the baby will be the one paying the price of your stupidity.

What are you going to do if he takes you to court and gets 50/50 custody? Do you really want to saddle your unborn child with this loser forever?

You don’t have to have an abortion of you don’t want to. But with reproductive rights comes responsibilities too. Your priority is what’s best for the potential baby and your life. At 24 you’ll be a single mother, relying on family for support. That’s either a good or a bad thing - only you can decide. Will you, as the parent, be able to give the child all the necessary support and opportunities to thrive?

As I said to another user I work full time from home and earn a good wage and I also have both financial and child care support from my family. This isn't a situation I am taking lightly but I am taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions

Agree with this totally. This time last year you were going to have a baby with someone else and now with this bloke who you don't even know!! Not surprised his family is horrified but.....it's as much his fault as yours. By all means have the baby but do the decent thing and don't expect taxpayers to pay for your decision. You sound like a teenager wanting the latest jellycat tbh.

Did you not consider STIs? You should have been using protection both when you had the injection and when you hadn't. Seriously, you are not mature enough to have a child. Please take this seriously.

Your family seem to be taking most of the responsibility. I'd not tether myself to this loser.

This x1000

It’s a complete shitshow generated by two very irresponsible people. Termination is the best way forward. So unfair to bring an additional person into this chaos.

Yes I will be able to give this baby a fantastic life

What is your financial situation and are you currently working? Do you have savings? Love alone won't put food on the table, children are extremely expensive.

Aside from that, I don't think you are mature enough to be a mother. You didn't take any precautions to prevent a pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Have you had an std or HIV test yet?

This is why it's not a sensible idea to have unprotected sex with someone you hardly know. Ultimately it's your choice but be prepared that this man might be in your life for 18 years - he could demand 50/50 custody especially if he wants out of paying CMS

But you don’t plan a baby with someone you’ve just met! That’s not a thing! 😞

You made no effort to protect yourself from pregnancy either as well as him. That’s incredibly silly in a new relationship with a man for what 2-3 months and get pregnant with his child. It sounds like you want a baby but didn’t give much thought into ensuring it has a loving father who wanted it. I think that’s quite heartless to be honest. This wasn’t an accident this was willfully not protecting against pregnancy.

You’re in the situation you’re in but you might find financial support difficult and you might find it hard also if he does actually want to be involved and so wants the baby some of the time. Will you feel comfortable handing the baby over for a weekend to a man you don’t really know and who wasn’t keen?

You sound dead set on keeping it so block the family, leave him off the birth certificate and use CMS to try and get him to pay support.

How are you proposing to do this? It's just words at the moment.....

I take an std test after I sleep with someone for the first time regardless if its protected or not. I work full time and earn a good wage with the benefit of working from home

But why should your family fund your child? You chose to have a child, you are responsible for its care. Your family may have offered but they shouldn't have to. The fact that you cannot understand that this is complete mess tells us everything we need to know. I pity the poor child who will be brought up by an immature, naive and really, really stupid mother.

Agree you sound a bit foolish, you hardly knew this man yet were happy to risk pregnancy so soon.

You mention having a good job, being financially stable but you are living at home with your parents. You keep saying they will support you, which I guess you mean they will be paying for both yours and the baby's living arrangements, and you may be expecting them to look after the child. This doesn't sound like an adult decision, and I wonder if you have changed your age/details and are much younger than you say.

Also you sound naive to think that he might not want to be involved. Saying your family will say no is immature, and he could ask for 50:50 (especially if he didn't want to give you money). You will be connected to him forever.

You’re being unrealistic about your work, parenting, you and your DC being forever linked with this man, and the challenges ahead.

If (as is likely) he is a deadbeat dad that will affect your DC negatively, whatever you and your family do.

You will also be dependent on your parents, for childcare and perhaps also money and housing. That could get really difficult for both you and them.

We are both at fault for me becoming pregnant but he is the one who gave me false hope that he would support this pregnancy