To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

Yes but not over something as trivial this. Your real issue is that she is not simply adopting his name and even worse, he is hyphenating with hers. This guff of the two names being too long is a smokescreen.

it's a massive regret that my children have not got my name.

Wish I had been less pregnant and stuck to my guns!

I would be insulted/chocked if a child of mine decided to use a name other than his own.

So if your daughters changed their names on marriage you would be insulted?

A) Mind your own bloody business.

B) You sound like the kind of horror M/MiL who would think it your place to object to whatever they chose to call their children if it wasn't to your taste.

C) The way you speak about your DiL makes it sound as though you don't much like her. Does that have anything to do with your objection, honestly?

D) As far as double-barreled names go, 2 syllable-3 syllable flows nicely.

Of course. I felt very violated having to take my DH name.

I have a double barrelled 'clunky' surname, it literally does not affect me in anyway, if anything it annoys me is someone chooses to use just when of my surnames when addressing me. And we chose to give our children short first names but they still have middle names too.

I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back.

You have been talking about what you think of him and his wife-to-be, behind their backs. You want to watch it doesn't get back to them @MsArgent.

Yeah, of course. Proper concerns about their health, future health and well-being. Whether they’re happy inside. Not about their name after they get married. Because i’m not weird.

My DD just got married. I'm a bit sad that she has taken her DH's name. I'm aware I'm totally unreasonable and irrational as I have used DH's surname for nearly 40 years.

However my opinion and feelings are irrelevant. She's a grown woman and it's none of my business.

That’s a bit of a reach ! Of course people have concerns about their children, proper ones.

My DD and her partner have been discussing this issue. She wants to keep her name, double-barrel their names or for him to take her name. His parents were horrified and put pressure on him to insist she takes his name.

The result … my DD has decided she doesn’t want to get married and they can just continue living together.

When my husband, then partner, were expecting our first child he wasn't bothered about surnames and was happy to leave it up to me. So initially they were going to have my surname. But his dad was very into family trees etc and we thought he'd be quite hurt for them not to have his name so we double barreled it. They have a five syllable surname... four of which are mine. It's never been a problem.

Actually, just to add, it's not the spelling of the double barrelled name that's been the problem. It's normally the spelling of my name.

Why is this even on your radar it is nothing to do with you

@MsArgent you should probably drop this topic or you might not be invited to the wedding. Their wedding, their marriage, their choice of names.

Well, i think you may be getting the drift that you are veering towards the unreasonable side here. They'll work it out in due course if necessary

I agree . Why not just be her name.
I fully understand she does not want to change her name and wants to have the same surname as her children when they have them.
That's not just for men nowdays. Why should it be

It's a very normal thing to do. Nobody will judge it or really even pay it as much attention as you seem to think.

It's a non-issue. The horrified grandparents need to get a grip.

Your future daughter-in-law obviously didn't want to lose her name and why should she? Your DS has clearly been open to other suggestions and good for him.

Options are:

1. both just keep their own names and do nothing.

2. double barrelling, as they are choosing.

3. he can take her name too.

4. creating a completely new name.

All are perfectly acceptable and legitimate/legal options. Nobody at all is obliged to change their name on marriage if they don't want to despite the belief of some people that it is some sort of legal requirement.

Leave them to it.

It couldn’t be less of your business if it tried

but there’s no denying the majority do accept their names get given up, every marriage on both sides has followed the traditional way, so I do think it’s fair to say it’s slightly different for her to give it up vs DS

Nope. It’s not ‘slightly different’. It’s also not something the majority accept these days. My (adult) kids would have their minds blown by that. I didn’t change my name in marriage. None of my friends did, and none of their friends parents changed their names in marriage. Don’t quite understand the ‘we must have same name for people to know we are married to each other’ theory? Maybe that’s the case if you hang out with brainless people but even young kids don’t have these challenges, they know who is married/partnered to who, they don’t need matching names or bracelets or signs to work it out! Astoundingly, kids even know who their own parents are, and who are the parents of their friends, even without the whole name business.

Nope. I have just counted out the letters in my cousins double barrelled surname, they are all adults now. Their surname is 3 words, 18 letters. Sometimes for convenience they adopted the one the kids chose and just used an initial for the other one. None of your business and your son and the grandkids will be fine. Your son isn’t giving up a single thing here, by the way.

Missing the point slightly, but what happens when two double barrelled people get married? curious to know if anyone on here has done this?

also, for all of you who believe that a woman “has” to take her husband’s name, she doesn’t. Its convention. I am Ms Bendathebridesmaid and my husband is Mr Garythegroom. The children are Garythegroom and it’s fine we don’t share a name (positive advantage when they do something unspeakable and I can deny they’re mine!!)

For children it makes more sense to take their mother's surname as they always know who their mother is.

It could be worse.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Temple-Nugent-Brydges-Chandos-Grenville,_3rd_Duke_of_Buckingham_and_Chandos.