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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

743 replies

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 00:41

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

OP posts:
ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 06/04/2025 01:26

This reply has been deleted

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MrsEverest · 06/04/2025 01:28

The thing that makes it different is that your son cares more about his future wife than he does about perpetuating sexism.

You raised him well. This is a cause for celebration.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 06/04/2025 01:28

Suggest they take make anew name combining both of theirs. But I don't think this is yhe issue either
It's 2025, before that it was 2020, before that it was 2000, if we go back a long time it was the 1980s and before then thought 60s and there was this thing called feminism.. The Internet may help you understand what it was.
we haven't come very far it seems

JHound · 06/04/2025 01:30

I think it’s none of your business - but if it’s a concern he can just take her name and everybody is happy.

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 06/04/2025 01:30

every marriage on both sides has followed the traditional way

You mis-spelled “sexist”. Women were literal property. Their surnames denoted ownership by men (like slaves). You think that “tradition” should follow now?

(FYI, my in-laws expressed “concern” about my DD getting my surname (DH’s is long and mine is 2 syllables so would have been a mouthful to double barrel for her) despite me being the one most affected in every aspect of life having her. They wonder why I make zero effort to facilitate their relationship with her. Fucking dinosaurs.)

AnticleaAndLaertes · 06/04/2025 01:32

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:00

To be fair, I am not horrified, I think that’s just their generation. I don’t think him just taking her surname is fair and nor do I think DS would want to completely lose his. I am nice to her! I am not sure how it’s come to the conclusion I’m awful to her just because I think the surname will be a pain for everyone and living to regret something like that isn’t ideal. He would do absolutely anything for her and I truly believe he would compromise what he wants/his happiness for hers and as much as it’s how it should be with regards to him doing anything for her, I don’t think he should give up on everything he cares about

think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified

Why should he care what others think? Especially behind his back?
Why are grandparents horrified? Don't they have enough to worry about??

Why should she lose her name? Why is his name more important?

DysmalRadius · 06/04/2025 01:33

I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back.

By people you mean you right? Because it's ludicrous to expect him to prioritise the opinions of people who would talk badly about him behind his back in favour of his future wife.

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/04/2025 01:34

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WOAH!!! OK I am all for women keeping their own names but saying people should die?! Reported

primroseandsunshine · 06/04/2025 01:34

Bollocks I accidentally YANBU.

cut the cord OP It’s literally none of your business

Original poster
MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:35

I am glad that they won’t be judged for it if the replies here are anything to go by. I’m just not sure we are surrounded by people similar to the replies here as I’ve casually mentioned it to friends and they haven’t replied similar to the ones here at all. It honestly is more about the length and having to spell it out because people didn’t clock it’s 2 names etc that’s far more the problem. If the names went together, I really wouldn’t be here thinking oh they can’t do that because she needs to take his name. It’s obviously not this but it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson. It’s very long and clunky

OP posts:
mainecooncatonahottinroof · 06/04/2025 01:36

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:35

I am glad that they won’t be judged for it if the replies here are anything to go by. I’m just not sure we are surrounded by people similar to the replies here as I’ve casually mentioned it to friends and they haven’t replied similar to the ones here at all. It honestly is more about the length and having to spell it out because people didn’t clock it’s 2 names etc that’s far more the problem. If the names went together, I really wouldn’t be here thinking oh they can’t do that because she needs to take his name. It’s obviously not this but it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson. It’s very long and clunky

Their problem.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/04/2025 01:39

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:35

I am glad that they won’t be judged for it if the replies here are anything to go by. I’m just not sure we are surrounded by people similar to the replies here as I’ve casually mentioned it to friends and they haven’t replied similar to the ones here at all. It honestly is more about the length and having to spell it out because people didn’t clock it’s 2 names etc that’s far more the problem. If the names went together, I really wouldn’t be here thinking oh they can’t do that because she needs to take his name. It’s obviously not this but it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson. It’s very long and clunky

People will get used to it.

She doesn't want to take his name
He doesn't want to take her name

That's that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/04/2025 01:40

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:35

I am glad that they won’t be judged for it if the replies here are anything to go by. I’m just not sure we are surrounded by people similar to the replies here as I’ve casually mentioned it to friends and they haven’t replied similar to the ones here at all. It honestly is more about the length and having to spell it out because people didn’t clock it’s 2 names etc that’s far more the problem. If the names went together, I really wouldn’t be here thinking oh they can’t do that because she needs to take his name. It’s obviously not this but it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson. It’s very long and clunky

So?

If you delve deep enough into the thoughts of this you will realise that is an SEP......Someone elses Problem, so not yours to worry or think about. Their (maybe) children will deal with it just fine.

TwinklyNight · 06/04/2025 01:44

Many people have long names no biggie.

Bumdrops · 06/04/2025 01:45

Omg the grandparents are horrified 😂 that’s just so twee !!
you will all be using their first names, no ?
or do you introduce their arrival - “granny, Tarquin Williamson- StJohn is here”
and his wife: Delilah Williamson-stJohn…” fuck, Granny what a mouthful !! Let’s just call them by their first names ! What a marvelous idea 💡

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 06/04/2025 01:46

You're backpedalling and trying to convince us you're just having a casual Saturday night ponder, yet you've been off gossiping to your husband, parents and friends about it as well. It seems you really are more invested than you're admitting.

If you absolutely had to stick your beak in at all (and you didn't), an offhand comment about it being a long nane to spell out would have sufficed.

By being 'worried about your future grandchildren' over this you really have stepped into weirdo controlling territory. Let it go, it's really nothing to do with you.

Original poster
MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

OP posts:
TwinklyNight · 06/04/2025 01:48

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Of course, but not over nonsense.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/04/2025 01:48

Why are you so bothered? After all, your DS's surname isn't even the same as the one you were born with.

CalleOcho · 06/04/2025 01:50

I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this?

My opinion is that you sound absolutely unhinged.

Scary.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/04/2025 01:50

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Of course. A name? Not even at the bottom of my list.

Meadowfinch · 06/04/2025 01:50

"I don't think he should give up on everything he cares about"

This is the root problem OP, he doesn't care about his name. You think he should. YOU care but he is quite happy to adapt.

JHound · 06/04/2025 01:51

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:35

I am glad that they won’t be judged for it if the replies here are anything to go by. I’m just not sure we are surrounded by people similar to the replies here as I’ve casually mentioned it to friends and they haven’t replied similar to the ones here at all. It honestly is more about the length and having to spell it out because people didn’t clock it’s 2 names etc that’s far more the problem. If the names went together, I really wouldn’t be here thinking oh they can’t do that because she needs to take his name. It’s obviously not this but it’s along the lines of Greenwood-Williamson. It’s very long and clunky

So what if they are judged for it. Why do you care?

Bumdrops · 06/04/2025 01:52

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

Yes, I have concerns over their health, wellbeing, happiness,
number of letters in surname ? Nah, not so much !

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 06/04/2025 01:52

MsArgent · 06/04/2025 01:47

Do people genuinely never have concerns over their children? I understand it’s not my name and it’s not something I will have to deal with but do people not think about their children and their decisions?

I worry about my grown children all the time. I worry when they're unwell, when they're struggling mentally, when their relationships aren't going well, when they're not settled or having a bad time with study and work. I worry when they do silly irresponsible things that may harm them.

I don't worry about them having to spell out their names occasionally. And I know they do, as we have one of those surnames with a lot of variations.