To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

We have a double barrelled surname. The only only person with an issue with it was my Dad.
I've forgiven but not forgotten all the needless hurt and stress he caused us a few weeks before our wedding (the penny suddenly dropped, it wasn't a new decision). Not to mention how insulted my in-laws were their name wasn't considered good enough (damage never really fixed).

Please, this is their name, their choice. If you love them and they are happy then please just be supportive. The damage you'll do fighting this isn't worth it.

Just because you didn't do so...

It’s none of your business so you’ll need to get over yourself and let them get on with it. I’d be more focused on whether she’s going to be a loving and kind spouse to your DS.

Is that you Victoria?

How often do you have to spell your name? How often do people use your surname in general conversation?

IF, in the furture they decide it is too long or cumbersome they can change it. Women no longer have to lose their names and many don't want to. I think double-barrelled is a great way to go.

I aways find the double barrelling quite odd.

What if a person with a double-barrelled name fell in love with another double-barrelled name, what would happen if they wanted to double-barrels when they got married too?

Michael Johnson-Smith falls in love with Mary Westwood-Jones.

So their married name would be Johnson-Smith-Westwood-Jones.

It sounds very posh but what a nightmare!

They'd have four surnames!

How lucky for any children they have, I’m sure every child would love to have a 4 name surname 🤣

Would there even be enough space on forms for such a name to be written?!

How likely do you think that would actually happen? Including two people who wanted to have a 4 name surname?

They would likely just keep their own names or pick one name to keep each or several other options that exist.

I had to check my kid's name fit on passport forms because it's so long.

That was my only concern. If he chooses to marry a fellow double-barrel they can figure it out for themselves.

I'm certainly not about to give a MAN my child's exclusive surnaming privilege (and thank god, he turned out to be abusive and at least I didn't have to worry about changing my name again when i divorced him).

I took my first husband's name as a very young woman, it seemed grown up and exciting at the time to change it and call myself "Mrs". Makes me feel nauseous now tbh.

We need to routinely challenge the patriarchy. Good on OP's son for being part of the solution.

None of your business - I suggest you keep your mouth shut and take a look at how you keep your views to yourself because if you make your opinions known on everything they do you will not have a relationship with them as they will cut ties..

I think it's lovely. When we were engaged DH suggested we did this. He even said he'd consider taking mine as I only have sisters so nobody to "keep the name" but since id been married before and had never bothered to change back from the EXH name it would have been too much if a weird faff. So I took his. But it's a bit annoying because it's one of those names everyone THINKS they can spell. But nobody ever can!

Do you often share your idiocy so openly?

Yes, all the time!! I genuinely can’t help myself!

Why odd in preserving both family names? I find it odd why one parent would not want their children to have their surname.

DT are proud of their double barrelled surname (long and complicated to spell) and I would expect they would keep it when they get married, which for DD may be quite soon. As sensible adults I’m confident they can work out the surname of their future children

My cousin's husband took her last name and dropped his, their kids have her last name only as well. Mind your own business or you might not get your family name in there at all.

anyone else hoping the son will sit OP and the 'horrified' grandparents down and say
'I've taken on board what you've said about the surname and discussed it with fiancee, and we've agreed you're right, it's not practical to double barrel the surname...'
(relieved/smug looks all round)
'....so to make it easier I'll just change my surname to fiance's, and any kids we'll have will have that name too!'

Agree - suggest he takes his partner's name
Also why are grandparents horrified?

DH and I get Christmas cards addressed to "Sarah and Michael". Society has moved away from the use of surnames now - and I am certainly not Mrs Michael Surname! If friend/relatives are not sure of the DC's surname it barely matters. It's not like anyone sends cheques as Birthday gifts anymore.

"Am I being unreasonable to be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?"

Yes.