To be upset DS is going to double barrel his surname when he gets married?

[MsArgent]

DS is due to marry his girlfriend soon and they have recently announced they’re going to double barrel. I am not against double barrelled surnames and I do of course understand that it’s 2025 and more of a modern concept to keep it “fair”. However it’s truly just too long. Her surname is really quite long, along the lines of Williamson and we have a 2 syllable 8 letter one! I have asked him what he wants and he said originally he didn’t consider it and did think it would just be his surname, until she spoke up about what she wanted and he was open to it and said yes. I asked if he responded to it at all and questioned the practicality and he just says no he didn’t because it’s not a big deal. I think he is completely undermining how much of a burden having to keep repeating and spelling the double barrelled names will be, especially as they are hoping for children one day. I get it’s his life but what is the general opinion on this? I am curious if he would change his mind when realising what people will actually be thinking behind his back. Grandparents are horrified but I have tried to explain it’s more usual nowadays and DH doesn’t like it at all but hasn’t said anything yet

I have a double barrel surname and it’s a pain in the arse. Can’t wait to get married and off-load the bloody thing, but no one has ever asked me 🤣

who cares what people think behind his back?? No one’s business but the couple themselves.

If you gonna do that you may as well abandon a prefix altogether. What's the point of it?

That's really mean to let an argument over names affect access to their grandchild. Talk about tit for tat.

Have you suggested they maybe roll it together e.g. Greenson instead of Greenwood-Williamson (for example)? For practicality. Perhaps they haven't thought of it.

It was the breakdown of the relationship and their disrespect for her as a person which meant she wasn't comfortable with her grandchild alone around them, not tit for tat. They also said they didn't care if the grandchild had the polish surname or not because she was GIRL and they only cared about BOYS. Still feel the the same?

You know it's just precious little boys.

Do parents of boys get a kingmaker complex, or something?

Re. the first point, an argument among adults shouldn't affect grandchild access. Re. the second point, I don't believe you (or her, rather) that they said they only cared about boys. Surely if that was the case, there would have been no issue with access as they wouldn't have wanted any?

repeat after me.. not your life, not your problem.
we have double barrelled our names and tbh It’s fine. They both 2 syllables and 6 letters each. Our son is fine with it too . It’s really not that hard or deep to be honest. I wanted to keep my surname as my dad passed away and I wanted to carry on the surname. I’m the only one of my siblings to have a son so it means a lot

I find these names ridiculous and I only use the last name.
But, I would keep out of this, if I were you.

you are being very unreasonable. His choice his life. Personally I wouldn’t double barrel as when children marry if they double it will be 4 names and so on 🤣🤣 but that is my choice, this is theirs.

You don't have to believe me, I couldn't care less.

They didn't care about the girl grandchild having the polish name as it wouldn't be passed on anyway, not that they didn't care about access to the child.

Wow is this another thing I have to be worried about if I get married, not being able to choose my own name without family members having an opinion? I do now recall my female friend's new in-laws pressuring her to change her last name after she married, so maybe it is a thing after all.

They aren’t married and you already prey on subject of discord.

Sure. It is a good start.

This.

I love my hyphenated name. Yes I have to spell it out to people as when you say a long name it can bamboozle them for a moment, but so what. Even some single names have to be spelled out as they're unusual.

When I marry my partner I have suggested that we take one of my 2 names and hyphenate it with his (our DD already has this name), either that or he keeps his name and I keep mine as is. I do not agree with women giving up their own name unless they want to. Glad it's becoming more common. It will be fine!

That's quite disrespectful to the people whose names you're shortening.

Why were you all dubious? Seriously, this site is mental sometimes. Most people wouldn't bat an eyelid.

I double-barrelled my surname when I got married but he didn't - I never thought to ask him if he wanted to & he didn't object to me doing it without him. My reason for double-barreling was because I was the only female left to marry in the family and as there were no males to carry the family surname on anyway it would have disappeared, gone forever. So we named DD double-barreled too so she can choose for herself.

It's personal choice at end of day. It's between DS & his wife, upto him to speak up or not.

You only get to 'bring children up' & once they're adults they make their own decisions. Their life, their choice. Be happy for them making a new life for themselves together because realistically the apron strings should have been cut a long time ago and everyone outside that couple is the audience.

Why would it be 4 names? They would likely make the decision to each take a name and drop a name, just keep their last names etc plenty of options that don't mean having 4 last names.

It’s none of your business. Me and DH double barrelled because we had kids beforehand and now everyone has the same. Who cares??

Honestly you need to get over yourself

YABU.
In this day and age, either they should double barrel, or choose a new name, or else each keep their original name but any kids should have the woman’s name. I’m guessing you wouldn’t particularly like any of those alternatives.

He's going to marry his girlfriend? I assume you mean fiance as this is all planned. It might have just been a 'slip' but it says a lot about how you think of her.

This could not be any less of your business. Back off.