Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He ended the engagement, is now pressuring me to have a baby

398 replies

SummerDaisyChain · 05/04/2025 15:06

Me and my partner had been engaged for six months at the time we moved into our first home. Two weeks after moving in he told me that we can't get married any more.

He had received free legal advice and was told that a prenuptial agreement is not legally binding, which means I could still divorce him and get half anyway, even if I signed the prenup. Which I had always agreed to sign from the beginning. He said it's a financial risk he isn't willing to take. For reference we live in the UK.

I don't belive it was just the legal advice which changed his mind. His family gave him a loan to buy this house but if we got divorced they lose half the return on their investment, so they don’t want him to marry me.

He tried justifying himself, said marrying you doesn’t benefit me and it would be irresponsible. I said why did you propose then? "It was based on emotion."

Then out of nowhere he gives me a wedding ring, saying that he wants me to wear it and tell people we're married even though we are not and never will be. It was the wrong size, he said there’s nothing I can do about that but there was a tag on the ring that allowed returns. He just couldn't be bothered.

A few weeks later he started pressuring me to get pregnant and won’t listen. If I refuse to have children he will end the relationship with me. But I only agreed to have children under the terms of marriage, if he had told me sooner he was not going to marry me I would have never moved in with him.

I am worried about having children for the following reasons.

My income only covers childcare so I would have to give up working and be a stay at home parent. We can't afford two cars running on a single income which means I won't be able to buy one. He won’t give me an allowance for spending or saving money. He refuses a cohabitation agreement or marriage or home equity after his family told him not to sign anything. But I am still expected to invest in the property.

So if we separated I would become legally homeless because the waiting list for a council house is several years. That I would need as my income will never be enough for raising two children on my own.

I said to him, if I ended up in this situation you should take full custody of the children. He said he won't do that because it's too expensive being a single parent.

If he died or became disabled the house will go back to his family and once again I’m left with nothing.

To me it feels like he keeps all the assets but I take on all the liabilities with no compensation. He won’t take any risk for me so I don't see why I should do it for him.

Is there any way I can salvage this relationship, or should I just walk away?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 05/04/2025 15:07

Walk away.

FortyElephants · 05/04/2025 15:07

Absolutely don't have a baby with him without marriage. What a piece of shit!

PrincessofWells · 05/04/2025 15:08

Run - he's a user and not long term partner material.

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/04/2025 15:08

I'm utterly unable to understand why you WANT to salvage a relationship with this utter twat.

Mountainfrog · 05/04/2025 15:08

LTb

AutumnFroglets · 05/04/2025 15:08

He's not a good man. Walk away, and quickly.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 05/04/2025 15:08

Tell him that having children with him is "a financial risk I'm not willing to take". Then leave him. What an arsehole.

mummersintheattic · 05/04/2025 15:08

Don't walk - run. Do not waste any more of your time on this man.

Sparkmyjoy · 05/04/2025 15:08

Please walk away.

PumpkinScarf · 05/04/2025 15:09

Run away. Fast.

Snugglemonkey · 05/04/2025 15:09

Do not have children with someone who will not consider your best interests. He wants to fake a family while not acting like family.

Shudacudawuda · 05/04/2025 15:09

Dear God woman, walk away! There doesn't seem to be anything in this set up for you, please please do not have a baby with this man, it will make you so vulnerable. Find someone who cares enough about to you to marry you first. Xxx

rubyslippers · 05/04/2025 15:09

Don’t walk
RUN

SedumRoof · 05/04/2025 15:10

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 05/04/2025 15:08

Tell him that having children with him is "a financial risk I'm not willing to take". Then leave him. What an arsehole.

This. Honestly, OP, it’s concerning that you’re even contemplating anything other than walking away.

Pancakeflipper · 05/04/2025 15:10

Walk away. This is all about HIM.

He's not working with you as being a team, and you need to be a bloody decent team to raise a family together. He sounds immature.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/04/2025 15:10

What a vile piece of shit. You know this relationship is over. He’s tricked you, he’s an awful person. Do not, under any circumstances, have a child with this loser.

DelphiniumBlue · 05/04/2025 15:11

Don’t have a baby with him with or without marriage. He is selfish and dishonourable. What more do you need to know?

HolyStyleFailBatman · 05/04/2025 15:11

Start planning, without saying anything to him, and when you have somewhere to move to, run as fast as your legs will carry you.
What a self centred prick he is

224RainandSunshine · 05/04/2025 15:11

The fact that you are even still in that house is unreasonable. RUN.

PashaMinaMio · 05/04/2025 15:12

Walk away.

This relationship is one sided for his/family’s benefit.

None of them care about you.

Kick the lot of them into touch and do it soon.

HolyStyleFailBatman · 05/04/2025 15:12

Also, sell the ring he gave you

Guavafish1 · 05/04/2025 15:12

Horrible man… he wants to trap you

run fast and don’t look back

BakelikeBertha · 05/04/2025 15:13

I agree with everyone else, get rid of this man, he will NEVER make you happy! He basically wants to make use of you, and live together purely on HIS terms. Move on as quickly as ever you can. You can DEFINITELY do better, OP!

FatherFrosty · 05/04/2025 15:13

Wow. Never before have I seen something so clear before.
as other posters always say, when he tells you who he is. Listen.

he’s not going to support you, he’s not going to support a child. He wants the world to think he’s a good family man.
he is not a good family man

PeopleTalkingWithoutSpeaking · 05/04/2025 15:14

Wow. I got a couple of paragraphs in then rushed through the rest to get to the comments to tell you to RUN.

Absolutely bloody not mate, in any world, is it acceptable to treat someone like this and expect her to roll over. He is out of his mind if he thinks this is reasonable.

OP, whatever you do, do NOT get pregnant by him. This is not the way loving people talk to and treat each other, and what's more he seems to be actively planning to screw you over. Get the hell out now while you still can. You deserve so much more than this x

Swipe left for the next trending thread