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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He ended the engagement, is now pressuring me to have a baby

398 replies

SummerDaisyChain · 05/04/2025 15:06

Me and my partner had been engaged for six months at the time we moved into our first home. Two weeks after moving in he told me that we can't get married any more.

He had received free legal advice and was told that a prenuptial agreement is not legally binding, which means I could still divorce him and get half anyway, even if I signed the prenup. Which I had always agreed to sign from the beginning. He said it's a financial risk he isn't willing to take. For reference we live in the UK.

I don't belive it was just the legal advice which changed his mind. His family gave him a loan to buy this house but if we got divorced they lose half the return on their investment, so they don’t want him to marry me.

He tried justifying himself, said marrying you doesn’t benefit me and it would be irresponsible. I said why did you propose then? "It was based on emotion."

Then out of nowhere he gives me a wedding ring, saying that he wants me to wear it and tell people we're married even though we are not and never will be. It was the wrong size, he said there’s nothing I can do about that but there was a tag on the ring that allowed returns. He just couldn't be bothered.

A few weeks later he started pressuring me to get pregnant and won’t listen. If I refuse to have children he will end the relationship with me. But I only agreed to have children under the terms of marriage, if he had told me sooner he was not going to marry me I would have never moved in with him.

I am worried about having children for the following reasons.

My income only covers childcare so I would have to give up working and be a stay at home parent. We can't afford two cars running on a single income which means I won't be able to buy one. He won’t give me an allowance for spending or saving money. He refuses a cohabitation agreement or marriage or home equity after his family told him not to sign anything. But I am still expected to invest in the property.

So if we separated I would become legally homeless because the waiting list for a council house is several years. That I would need as my income will never be enough for raising two children on my own.

I said to him, if I ended up in this situation you should take full custody of the children. He said he won't do that because it's too expensive being a single parent.

If he died or became disabled the house will go back to his family and once again I’m left with nothing.

To me it feels like he keeps all the assets but I take on all the liabilities with no compensation. He won’t take any risk for me so I don't see why I should do it for him.

Is there any way I can salvage this relationship, or should I just walk away?

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 05/04/2025 15:21

Run run run RUN! God this man sounds like a complete and utter twat and you’ll end up in a VERY vulnerable position. DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS SELFISH PRICK.

PinkEasterbunny · 05/04/2025 15:21

To me it feels like he keeps all the assets but I take on all the liabilities with no compensation. He won’t take any risk for me so I don't see why I should do it for him.

Very good observation

Suzuki76 · 05/04/2025 15:22

Gross. You're not a baby ATM for this family.

feelingalittlehorse · 05/04/2025 15:22

Oh crikey, no thank you. In the bin with that one 👋

skyeisthelimit · 05/04/2025 15:22

He could have ring fenced his share of the deposit, you could hold ownership in the ratio of the deposit, there are various things you can do to show intention. I understand him wanting to protect what is his but he is not going about this in the right way.

This needs to be a dealbreaker for you, no DC without marriage. If his dealbreaker is no DC no relationship, then that's it.

However, I think from his attitude, it is over, you need to walk away and find somebody else who will appreciate you and who wants the same things as you.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 05/04/2025 15:22

Leave and tell him good luck finding someone who will have a baby and pretend to be married with none of the protections. That's not how you treat someone you proport to love.

everythingeverything1981 · 05/04/2025 15:22

Fuck that

MagneticSquirrel · 05/04/2025 15:23

Do not have a child with this man. He wants you to take all the risks of having a baby, with zero financial support??? You could end up as a single parent penniless but he doesn’t want to take that risk? (And he doesn’t have to risk his physical and mental well-being to get pregnant, carry and give birth either - you are taking on all the risk)

Move out asap, he doesn’t seem to care for you at all and worse wants to lie to others about your relationship and say you are married when not presumably to protect his image and reputation? It does sound like he tricked you into moving in … and even if he didn’t his family clearly don’t like you and he cares more about what they think than you. To me it seems like he just wants a baby maker (and possibly house keeper) not an equal life partner, and you’ll have a miserable life having to justify every purchase, never being able to go out or study or do anything apart from work, childcare or housework

Run away, please, you can do so much better.

StrangerThings1 · 05/04/2025 15:23

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 05/04/2025 15:08

Tell him that having children with him is "a financial risk I'm not willing to take". Then leave him. What an arsehole.

Excellent response!

I would have nothing more to do with this man and would definitely not consider building any future with him

tiv2020 · 05/04/2025 15:23

Absolutely dump him.

Motomum23 · 05/04/2025 15:24

Get out as fast as you can. Seriously. What sort of life partner does t do everything in their power to protect their loved ones - I have huge life insurance because I'm the main earner and I'd want to know my husband and kids were OK if something happened to me. He wants to protect himself at your cost - he doesn't love you. Simple.

Outofthepan · 05/04/2025 15:26

Why on earth would you want to stay with this man, far less contemplate having a child with him? My mind boggles

PinkEasterbunny · 05/04/2025 15:26

He could have ring fenced his share of the deposit, you could hold ownership in the ratio of the deposit, there are various things you can do to show intention. I understand him wanting to protect what is his but he is not going about this in the right way.

Yes, I think that's called Tenants in Common?

beezlebubnicky · 05/04/2025 15:26

I think others have given you your answer. Don't ever have sex with this man again and get the hell away from him. This is abusive. The audacity of some fucking men, I can hardly believe this crap. What woman would agree to this???

Marriage is an agreement that protects the financially weaker partner, and a relationship should be a partnership - the two of you facing things together. And it's important if you have kids esp. if a SAHM, so I think you were smart to say that was dependent on marriage. But please do not have kids with this man, a life of misery awaits if you do. His family sound like cunts as well so I think you're well shot of things.

I know it's not easy to break away from something long-standing, but it's the best thing for your life, your wellbeing and your future financial security. You will meet someone better who doesn't see you as a commodity or your partnership purely in financial terms.

PixelatedLunchbox · 05/04/2025 15:26

I’m sorry you don’t have enough perspective on your own to see what we all see. Please get away from this horrible man.

Mum2jenny · 05/04/2025 15:26

83 votes and unanimous.

Just RUN as fast as you can

ZoeCM · 05/04/2025 15:27

OP, why the hell haven't you dumped this charmer?

cryinglaughing · 05/04/2025 15:28

Is he from a different culture?

Either way, get out whilst you can.

Rm2018 · 05/04/2025 15:28

My god easiest LTB ever! You're lucky he's laid it out so clearly what a rat he is

Redshoeblueshoe · 05/04/2025 15:28

LTB

Rm2018 · 05/04/2025 15:28

My god easiest LTB ever! You're lucky he's laid it out so clearly what a rat he is

jeaux90 · 05/04/2025 15:29

Finish it. Soon you will realise what a massive bullet you dodged. What a prize asshole he is.

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 15:30

Run. As fast as you can.

you have a child with this man and he will fuck over in any which way he can.

Julieann418 · 05/04/2025 15:30

Walk away if you stay and have children he will make your life hell.

Shodan · 05/04/2025 15:32

There is literally nothing about this poor specimen of manhood that would induce me, or any other sane woman, to have a child with him.

As per all PPs- don't walk. Run as fast as you can away from him. Pathetic little twat.