Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He ended the engagement, is now pressuring me to have a baby

398 replies

SummerDaisyChain · 05/04/2025 15:06

Me and my partner had been engaged for six months at the time we moved into our first home. Two weeks after moving in he told me that we can't get married any more.

He had received free legal advice and was told that a prenuptial agreement is not legally binding, which means I could still divorce him and get half anyway, even if I signed the prenup. Which I had always agreed to sign from the beginning. He said it's a financial risk he isn't willing to take. For reference we live in the UK.

I don't belive it was just the legal advice which changed his mind. His family gave him a loan to buy this house but if we got divorced they lose half the return on their investment, so they don’t want him to marry me.

He tried justifying himself, said marrying you doesn’t benefit me and it would be irresponsible. I said why did you propose then? "It was based on emotion."

Then out of nowhere he gives me a wedding ring, saying that he wants me to wear it and tell people we're married even though we are not and never will be. It was the wrong size, he said there’s nothing I can do about that but there was a tag on the ring that allowed returns. He just couldn't be bothered.

A few weeks later he started pressuring me to get pregnant and won’t listen. If I refuse to have children he will end the relationship with me. But I only agreed to have children under the terms of marriage, if he had told me sooner he was not going to marry me I would have never moved in with him.

I am worried about having children for the following reasons.

My income only covers childcare so I would have to give up working and be a stay at home parent. We can't afford two cars running on a single income which means I won't be able to buy one. He won’t give me an allowance for spending or saving money. He refuses a cohabitation agreement or marriage or home equity after his family told him not to sign anything. But I am still expected to invest in the property.

So if we separated I would become legally homeless because the waiting list for a council house is several years. That I would need as my income will never be enough for raising two children on my own.

I said to him, if I ended up in this situation you should take full custody of the children. He said he won't do that because it's too expensive being a single parent.

If he died or became disabled the house will go back to his family and once again I’m left with nothing.

To me it feels like he keeps all the assets but I take on all the liabilities with no compensation. He won’t take any risk for me so I don't see why I should do it for him.

Is there any way I can salvage this relationship, or should I just walk away?

OP posts:
Loloblue · 05/04/2025 15:43

Run, don't walk.

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 05/04/2025 15:43

Tell him having a baby doesn't benefit you and would be irresponsible, then leave.

MissFancyDay · 05/04/2025 15:43

Ohhh, this is awful.

Please don't make yourself vulnerable to this man's whims and decisions. I don't think that he loves you, or if he does you are so far down his list of priorities as to make it not matter. Think of yourself.

MummyB1990 · 05/04/2025 15:43

Please don't marry him! Leave him and find someone who actually cares about you!!!

skyeisthelimit · 05/04/2025 15:44

I missed the bit about OP still being expected to pay into the property. When XH moved into my house a few months after we met, he paid half of food and utilities , but I paid the mortgage, insurance, repairs etc as it was my house not his.

Nobody should ever pay anything into a property that they don't own.

OP , there is no way to salvage this, and you will end up penniless if you have DC with this man.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/04/2025 15:44

He must be utterly deluded if he thinks that he is making having a baby with him sound tempting! What an entitled piece of shit he is. As other posters have already said, leave him. You can do so much better.

100percenthagitude · 05/04/2025 15:44

I'm interested: what were your plans, @SummerDaisyChain ?

You moved into a joint home knowingly, prior to marriage and after a short engagement, with this level of financial inequality.

How long have you been together?

Were you assuming that when you married, his salary would allow you to be a SAHM?

Your argument, that he should have full custody of children (plural) if you separate.. was that said for impact or is that genuinely your starting position - to lose the kids... And children, plural. Where did the two children, come from. Have you a child already?

MimiSunshine · 05/04/2025 15:44

Firstly did you buy the house together? You say his parents lent him money, for the deposit im assuming but are you on the mortgage, do you pay towards it now?
if no to the mortgage but yes to paying towards the house, maybe you transfer money to him and the mortgage goes out of his account?!

if that’s the case stop sending him any money, let the arsehole pay for it himself. Then find somewhere else to live and move out. Even if it’s a house share.

if you are on the mortgage then go and see a solicitor. See what they say about what you’re legally entitled to back. If you both own it equally you could be nice and offere him
his family money back 1st but you don’t have to and more fool him for not protecting it.
then tell him you’re breaking and he can buy you out at market value or sell.

SoManyIdiotsSoLittleTime · 05/04/2025 15:45

Take a deep breath and detach yourself from this situation. Imagine you have a friend or daughter im this situation. Honestly what would you advise?

For what it is worth I think you are mad to even consider staying with him at all. You need to find someone who respects you and doesn’t consider you to be a money grabbing untrustworthy “wife” without the legal paperwork.

Ditch him and his awful family. You will be glad of it!

SL2924 · 05/04/2025 15:45

Do not have a baby without the marriage. Do not get pregnant without the marriage.

TheHerboriste · 05/04/2025 15:45

for god’s sake, dump him and move on. It’s reprehensible to even consider saddling a prospective person with that manipulative twat as a father. Raise your standards.

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/04/2025 15:45

Is there any way I can salvage this relationship, or should I just walk away?

It's not a relationship however you look at it. Walk away and don't look back.

Boreded · 05/04/2025 15:46

Just leave before you waste too many years with this man who cares more for money than himself

Asalmonswimmingupstream · 05/04/2025 15:46

He just wants to rent your womb, run as fast as can with your legs firmly crossed!!

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 05/04/2025 15:46

Do not…and I repeat…Do not have a baby with this flaky tosser……if you were my daughter I would be shitting kittens over this….His wants and needs = nothing positive for you, now or ever…..good luck and get out as soon as you can xx

CocoKenny · 05/04/2025 15:47

This man is protecting himself and his interests. You should do the same. He sounds devoid of an ounce of empathy.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 05/04/2025 15:47

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/04/2025 15:08

I'm utterly unable to understand why you WANT to salvage a relationship with this utter twat.

Same.

spicemaiden · 05/04/2025 15:48

SL2924 · 05/04/2025 15:45

Do not have a baby without the marriage. Do not get pregnant without the marriage.

Do t do any of this full stop.

marriage means fuck all unless one has the means to be resoresented in court, or is in a fit mental state to instruct someone it worse us even alive to instruct someone.

this man and his family are expressing some very worrying attitudes towards women.

OP - RUN. (From someone who married into similar but didn’t find out the attitudes until too late)

Apreslapluielesoleil · 05/04/2025 15:48

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/04/2025 15:08

I'm utterly unable to understand why you WANT to salvage a relationship with this utter twat.

This.

Penguinmouse · 05/04/2025 15:48

Get tf away from this man. Do NOT have a child with him.

UrsulasHerbBag · 05/04/2025 15:49

You are not in a relationship with this man he is in charge of you and everything you do. You have to get away from him or you will be completely under his thrall and have a ruined wasted life. If you want marriage and children find a man that wants to love you and cherish you not one that wants your womb and a slave.

TheGhostOfPatButcher · 05/04/2025 15:49

I can't wrap my head around him wanting you to pretend that you're married! He wants all the benefits without actually marrying you by the sound of it, including the veneer of respectability. Whatever that means. I can't fathom why else he would be asking you to do it.

AcquadiP · 05/04/2025 15:49

Ugh. Dump him.

TwistedWonder · 05/04/2025 15:50

What a complete and utter wanker this bloke is - why in the name of God would you even consider salvaging this shit show?

aloris · 05/04/2025 15:50

Do not get pregnant with this man. In fact, do not ever be physically intimate with this man again, because the risks to you are too great. Immediately begin strategizing how to extricate yourself from this relationship. The sooner the better, before you end up "accidentally" pregnant and trapped in a relationship that he has already stated will be a financial trap for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread