To not want my husband to attend his female best friend’s wedding without me?

[BluntAzurePeer]

My husband has a long-time female best friend - they’ve never dated but had a brief “thing” years ago before we met. She’s getting married abroad and due to work and budget, I can’t attend. He still wants to go alone, says it’s important to him and it’s “just a friend.” I trust him but I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of him flying off solo to a wedding of someone he once had a thing with. AIBU for saying I don’t want him to go?

I think it’s the fact that that the husband said it’s important to him. Why? It’s more important for his wife to be happy imo!

Being married doesn't mean your spouse has to approve of all your friendships.

It's quite normal for people to attach importance to their friends' weddings.

And if the wife's discomfort is unreasonable, as nearly everyone has said, then no, it isn't more important

But shouldn't it be important to OP for her husband to be happy? Particularly given that it's an event that will likely never be repeated.

Bloody hell maybe I’m just a goer but I’ve had a load of flings with men I’m still friends with now- we met at my uni/in our early 20s and might have snogged or slept together then and are still friends now, 20+ years later. I’ve been to loads of their weddings and vice versa, didn’t once occur to me as weird. If any of us wanted to be together we would have been by now!

Kindly OP, YABU and a bit bonkers.

It is not love if you try to make the life of your supposed beloved smaller.

How is it that he can afford to go but you can’t? How long will he be away for?

It’s a close friend.

Exactly! And I wasn’t in the least a goer by any standards, but I’m still close friends with two exes from way back. I’ve been to their three weddings, and when the divorced one gets married again, as he almost certainly will, despite being a dreadful husband, I’ll be there.

She's getting married to someone else so how can this be an issue, OP? It's lovely that your husband has stayed close to his friend, and he absolutely should be there to support her on such an important day.
It's not his fault that you don't trust him!

I actually understand OP, I think it’s very normal to have feelings of anxiety and jealousy and uncertainty over something like this. Likely as well you will be feeling threatened on a personal level as to how he will see her , looking radiant and beautiful as all brides do on their wedding day and there will be that concern of potential comparisons. It may all be in your head or it could be a real situation that arises.

Is there no way at all that you can go?

If he sees watching her marry another guy as a good time, you've nothing to worry about. If he had any feelings for her in that way, he'd hate watching her marry someone else.

And an ex!

Do you think he’s gonna stand up and start singing “It should of been me”

He may not be happy watching his close friend/ex get married. Perhaps he thinks it’s reinforcing the fact that she’s definitely out of reach now

It'd be a no from me. Going as a couple would be fine... him going alone a bit OTT. But then I think all foreign weddings are a bit OTT with all the expenses etc.

It would be a no from me to a marriage where one party thinks they get to dictate whether or not someone attends their best friend’s wedding just because they can’t go to chaperone their spouse.

That sounds like the ultimate argument for a controlling partner. "Don't you want me to be happy?"

Agreed. It would be a no from me to any partner who sought to stop me from doing reasonable things that I wanted to do.

If my DH didn't trust me to do stuff without him, I wouldn't be interested in sticking around.

Depends what your definition of ex is. Ex girlfriend/boyfriend, ex wife/husband or in this case ex "brief thing"

I'd never dictate anything to my spouse!

But I would hope he'd be interested in my feelings and also prioritising holiday money and holiday time off on something we can both enjoy.

Op this is literally the definition of not trusting him

She has also said she cant go due to work. So regardless of money it sounds like she cant take time off whenever the wedding is. So he can go to a wedding and they can go on a holiday together whenever she is able to take time off.

You don’t trust him. If you did, you’d have no problem with it.

I do see the 'logic' of what most posters are saying here.
Weddings, though, can be very strange days, and can bring out the oddest sides of people.
Things I've known for example:

An ex who became a friend taking me to one side, holding my hand, and asking me intently (as the bride) if I was happy (if he'd been that caring years before we might have had a chance, lol)

A groom who went to the gents after the vows and it emerged he had been thinking of making a run for it. The bride's ex offered to take her back to his place.

A bloke who cried and had to be supported by his mates and taken out of the church when his unrequited love was saying her vows.

A group of old uni 'chums' who all attended alone and got off with each other at the end of the night.

That's just a few!