To not want my husband to attend his female best friend’s wedding without me?

[BluntAzurePeer]

My husband has a long-time female best friend - they’ve never dated but had a brief “thing” years ago before we met. She’s getting married abroad and due to work and budget, I can’t attend. He still wants to go alone, says it’s important to him and it’s “just a friend.” I trust him but I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of him flying off solo to a wedding of someone he once had a thing with. AIBU for saying I don’t want him to go?

Ffs…I’m sure what he is thinking right now is ‘brilliant she can’t go so I will go without her and we can have one last hurrah before the wedding’

ridiculous!

I don’t think OP thinks that, but as I said, old feelings may be stirred. It’s more important that OP’s husband is thoughtful enough not to go without her, than be on his own, watching his friend and former flame and possibly thinking of what might have been.

It must be exhausting being this hyper-sexual. Like living in a Jackie Collins novel, full of Urges and Stirrings.

Pretty sure OP doesn’t find it amusing !

She is getting married, do you think she’s going to find him so irresistible she has a final fling the night before? You’re being unreasonable.

Kindly, you've described them as best friends. Regardless of whether there is a friendship group of which he is part, of course he wants to go to his best friend's wedding! He would be a terrible friend if he didn't.

Clearly you feel uneasy about this and perhaps there is a basis for it (I understand the power of instinct). But looking at it without your inside knowledge, this is a perfectly legitimate thing for him to want to do. It's not that you weren't invited; you were and can't go. No-one has been underhand. Unless there is more to it than you're saying, I do think it would be unreasonable of you to make him feel guilty about going to his best friend's wedding.

You say you trust him, but are uncomfortable with him going without you. That is not a sign of trust. You clearly don't trust him or you would have no problems with him going by himself.

Eta: I also want to say that it's not a healthy relationship. You can't even be honest with yourself about how you really feel, let alone with him.

My head tells me YABU but I know that if my partner flew off to an ex's wedding, I'd be upset. Not sure why? Maybe because it's time or money we could have spent together?

Look it doesn't matter that you're not close, she's your husbands mate AND she's getting married to someone else. He had a bit of a thing with her BUT he married you, tell him to make sure he brings you back some expensive duty free perfume and maybe suggest you invite them round for a meal at a future date.

Well she needs to get a sense of humour and some perspective then!

It's not an ex, it's his friend, a very close friend. You'd really resent that?

i do think I’ve read too many novels which is partly why I’d be uneasy, so fair point!

I agree and it isn't as if you were not invited, you just can't make at that time.

I wouldn't give it a second thought.

She said they 'had a brief "thing" together' so I sort of counted that as an ex. And, as I said, my head tells me she's NBU. It's just that when I think about it, I have to be honest and say that I think I would mind (though 'resent' might be too strong a word) so I understand OP's point of view.

She'll say his name like Ross did in friends.

It is an ex. If their history isn't purely platonic, she's an ex.

Why is he so desperate to be there? I wouldn't like it.

Who says he's desperate to be there? That's a big reach. He was invited to a friend's wedding and has accepted. Nothing in those facts says desperation.

This is insufferable! You don’t sound mature enough to be in relationships yet.

Is funny how you say that you are entitled to feel uncomfortable with the situation but your partner is not entitled to go to his best friend wedding. Why only your feelings matter? S quiet selfish and controlling on your side. Keep being so possessive and you will push your partner away.

The thing is, no-one has a God-given right not to feel discomfort. Suppose he feels uncomfortable at missing out on his friend's wedding? Whose discomfort trumps whose?

Because they are friends?!

Why should he? Married couples can attend things on their own. Its his friend.

Wtf. Are you worried he's going to shag his best friend on the altar in the middle of her wedding to someone else?

This is not a healthy relationship dynamic. Your feelings of insecurity, jealousy, paranoia are your responsibility to deal with, alone or supported by a therapist. You do not 'share' them with DH to manipulate him into doing whatever makes you comfortable. Nor is it okay to insist that you go everywhere together or else he stays at home. What you are doing is coercive and controlling behaviour in an abusive marriage.

DH needs to get his ducks in a row, and run. Poor guy. MN is here if he needs our help.

It’s her wedding day. What on earth do you think might happen? 🙄

It’s not just a wedding day though.

unless he’s flying there and back the same day?

it’s a trip abroad over a few days. When there might be hankering, nostalgia. A whiff of what might have been.

People might not feel the same, but it’s only human sometimes to feel upset or uncomfortable in these situations.

The @BluntAzurePeer isn’t demanding he doesn’t go, or accusing him of anything.