DH put chili in my food AGAIN

[BelloItalia]

Ok I may be over reacting as I’m unwell and stressed but I’m so fucking angry

DH has this habit of putting chili in everything - despite the fact that I don’t like spicy food. He doesn’t even like spicy food himself, he’s one of these people that pretends to like it. It’s infuriating.

He loves to cook chicken on the BBQ - and it’s always a spicy jerk chicken coating mixed with ghost chilis etc. I’ve said I don’t like it, he says I do (don’t even get me started on that one). Everytime he says he’s doing chicken I always say “don’t do jerk chicken as I don’t want chili” he replies “don’t worry, I won’t make it spicy” - it’s always spicy.

When he cooks burgers he insists on making this spicy mayo stuff with jalepenos (I know that’s spent wrong, auto correct is in Italian and I can’t be bothered). I always say don’t put it on mine, he always does. Last time I said “if mine has any chili on it I won’t be eating it”. For once he didn’t put any on. I made a point of saying how lovely it was etc

So tonight he’s making burgers and I said “remember, no chili on mine). He said “ok”

My burger had chili on it. I said “why have you put chili on it??” He said “I havnt” I said I can taste it!” He said “no you can’t” (fucking infuriating!!!!)

never mind tasting it - I could literally see it!!!

WTF does he do this? I’m more wound up than usual as he’s been a twat all night. Picking me up when he knows I’m suffering bad period I pains, going on and on about my glasses - he’s such a dick when he’s drinking.

anyway - the food thing - AIBU to. E actually livid about it this time?

Btw I’m not drinking - I’m teetotal. He picked me up after I specifically shouted at him to stop it

You aren't being unreasonable, I know my DH doesn't like certain things and I don't put it in his food because I love him and I want him to enjoy what he's eating.

He's being a dick and it sounds like he's using it to get back at you, coupled with the other behaviour you've mentioned. Does he dislike you or resent you in some way? How is your relationship in general?

You need to talk to him about this behaviour and how it's making you feel - but maybe you've tried already, I don't know.

He doesn’t think your feelings and opinions are important. That’s what it boils down to. Sorry OP.

Wow. That's actually unbearable of him. I would refuse to eat anything he cooks going forward until he packs it in, maybe start shopping and cooking separately for yourself for now?

He's a misogynistic abusive gaslighting arse. He enjoys being vile to you, as he is utterly pathetic. I don't know how you have managed not to murder him quite honestly.

Nevermind the chicken, this guy is the real jerk! Lol! Am I right?

On a serious note he sounds abusive. Is your relationship worthwhile?

This is very unkind OP and YANBU.
I had similar once with wholemeal bread. I don’t have an allergy per se but it gives me awful stomach cramps and gas for hours after (I am fine with seeded and other brown bread, but anything ‘wholemeal’ has this effect) and I used to get ‘oh it’s just a one off you will be fine’.

It sounds rather like he hates you and enjoys gaslighting you.

He doesn't like you and goes out of his way to deliberately serve you food you find unpalatable or can't eat. That's pretty horrible behaviour.

What you do with this information is up to you. I'm so sorry.

What are his good points?

He’s not normally this bad (apart from the chilli thing which is a long term thing) but tonight he’s just been awful. I actually thought abusive too but I thought I might be over reacting. He knows I’m pissed off (the glasses thing tipped me over the edge - it started with the picking me up, then talking to me in a shitty way, then the chilli thing and finished off with the glasses. He’s trying to be nice now but I’m fucking annoyed.

You've posted before, I remember this.
You need to leave.

It is that bad.

Whats the glasses thing? And why the fuck is he picking you up when you’re in pain? He sounds awful. I know you say he’s unbearable when he drinks, but this disrespect doesn’t come out of nowhere does it? If it really is only when he drinks then he needs to become teetotal too.

Its not exaggerating to say its abusive, he’s physically manhandling you when you’ve (presumably) told him not to. He’s sneaking things into your food that make it unpleasant and then gaslighting you about it, and it seems he’s being verbally abusive going on about your glasses in some way?

He’s an abusive arsehole. Obviously not ALL the time. It’s never ALL the time or the answer of whether to stay or go would be simple.

I'd say this is an abusive pattern. If he keeps blatantly ignoring you, gaslighting you and repeating the same behaviour it suggests he gets some satisfaction from upsetting you.

Getting advice and making an exit plan would be advisable as what you describe is pretty extreme.

And look up coercive control indicators on the Laura Richards website. Abuse isn't just physical and it is often more subtle than how it is portrayed (ie most financially abusive men don't "tell their partners they can't spend money", they will use guilt and emotional manipulations, put downs to make you feel like you overspend etc, so most financially abuser women feel they are making their own decision not to spend).

I simply would not eat the food he cooks.
My husband hates fish, I love it.
Not only would I never cook him a fish dish, I cook mine separately so his food and mine is not in the oven at the same time.

If your husband is normally OK, I have no idea why he is such a pig about cooking the food you don't like.

Oh, and the picking you up when you are in pain is just plain weird.

Chilli makes vomit. Took a while to work this out when we got married. Sometimes husband cooks with it but only for himself which is fine with me. To keep putting it into your food is just nasty.

I remember too, last time it was cheesy potatoes

What he's doing to you is a form of abusive control, he's making sure that you don't get anything to eat, or at least nothing that you will enjoy eating. What a nasty piece of work he is.
He's showing you how little he values you, and that he has no consideration for your feelings at all.

Overall I think you need to leave this abusive twat.

If you stay then I suggest you freeze a few burgers you can eat, and when he lets you down when he's cooking again, go and get one with a big sigh.

Batch cook something you really enjoy and put portions in the freezer. Next time he is due to cook tell him not to bother doing any thing for you and enjoy your choice. If he continues being vile stand up to him and tell him how he makes you feel. He sounds horrible.

This feels like deja vu. I seem to have read a similar post before.

Haven’t you posted about this before?

I’m pretty sure we all told you then to issue an ultimatum and then leave if he didn’t stop. He hasn’t stopped, so leave.

next time you cook, prepare separately, put soooooo much chilli in his that he is ill.
After all, you thought he liked chilli.