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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH put chili in my food AGAIN

194 replies

BelloItalia · 04/04/2025 23:18

Ok I may be over reacting as I’m unwell and stressed but I’m so fucking angry

DH has this habit of putting chili in everything - despite the fact that I don’t like spicy food. He doesn’t even like spicy food himself, he’s one of these people that pretends to like it. It’s infuriating.

He loves to cook chicken on the BBQ - and it’s always a spicy jerk chicken coating mixed with ghost chilis etc. I’ve said I don’t like it, he says I do (don’t even get me started on that one). Everytime he says he’s doing chicken I always say “don’t do jerk chicken as I don’t want chili” he replies “don’t worry, I won’t make it spicy” - it’s always spicy.

When he cooks burgers he insists on making this spicy mayo stuff with jalepenos (I know that’s spent wrong, auto correct is in Italian and I can’t be bothered). I always say don’t put it on mine, he always does. Last time I said “if mine has any chili on it I won’t be eating it”. For once he didn’t put any on. I made a point of saying how lovely it was etc

So tonight he’s making burgers and I said “remember, no chili on mine). He said “ok”

My burger had chili on it. I said “why have you put chili on it??” He said “I havnt” I said I can taste it!” He said “no you can’t” (fucking infuriating!!!!)

never mind tasting it - I could literally see it!!!

WTF does he do this? I’m more wound up than usual as he’s been a twat all night. Picking me up when he knows I’m suffering bad period I pains, going on and on about my glasses - he’s such a dick when he’s drinking.

anyway - the food thing - AIBU to. E actually livid about it this time?

OP posts:
PhilomenaPunk · 05/04/2025 07:45

Orangemintcream · 04/04/2025 23:26

It sounds rather like he hates you and enjoys gaslighting you.

This. It’s horrible behaviour OP.

justkeepswimingswiming · 05/04/2025 07:45

I’d just cook my own food from now on. My DH likes spicy food, I don’t as it makes me unwell. He’s never once lied about it or continued to do it. He sounds like a arse.

CautiousLurker01 · 05/04/2025 07:46

I’d cook for him tonight, spagbol or something, and put an entire jar of the hottest chilli powder in it. Serve it up and eat a salad while he sweats. A taste of his own medicine.

Then tell him if he ever puts chili in your food again you will divorce him.

ChompandaGrazia · 05/04/2025 07:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

TheGaaTheSkaAndTheRa · 05/04/2025 07:51

You are being abused.

If he wouldn't to it to his boss, his mates or his mother, it's abuse.

Luckily you can walk. Stop arguing as there's no point. This is just feeding him what he wants.

Leave him. He enjoys your misery. You don't need to know anything else. If he stopped the chilli thing, he would find another method.

Eddielizzard · 05/04/2025 07:51

He doesn't treat you with any respect at all.

StartAnew · 05/04/2025 07:52

You insist that he dislikes chili , he insists that you like it. Give him credit for enjoying his version and keep saying you can’t eat it.

HelenWheels · 05/04/2025 07:53

that is appalling
dh knows i don't like spicey things - w hat is the point of making it?
i know he doesnt like certain foods

minnienono · 05/04/2025 07:54

I keep my dh out of the kitchen apart from the occasional cup of tea, honestly it’s a far safer proposition because you aren’t faced with having to fake it sayings nice or being honest. He’s even banned from making cafetière coffee because it just doesn’t taste right (how?). He makes up for it doing housework plus I work less hours currently

1SillySossij · 05/04/2025 07:54

Maybe he is trying to make a point because he is fed up of being the one doing all the cooking?

LBFseBrom · 05/04/2025 07:56

I do not get why people don't register food likes and dislikes, especially if you live together. He should know by now!

Do your own food prep for you, that's the answer.

If he carries on being twattish about it, tell him you have given him this information umpteen times and it's not a joke.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 05/04/2025 08:00

TomatoSandwiches · 04/04/2025 23:30

You've posted before, I remember this.
You need to leave.

So do I.

You have got to leave. He’s deeply abusive.

he’s been a twat all night. Picking me up when he knows I’m suffering bad period I pains, going on and on about my glasses - he’s such a dick when he’s drinking.

Branleuse · 05/04/2025 08:03

what does he say about your glasses

Secretsquirels · 05/04/2025 08:10

How much of the time do you cook vs how much of the time does he cook? What is he like in general about chores?

My guess would be that he is doing this on purpose so that he doesn't get asked to cook as much. He thinks that you'll decide that you don't like his food and take on more of the cooking.

I'd sit down with him at a time when he isn't drinking, and suggest that you both cook for yourselves from now on because he is struggling to make things which you can eat. And then don't cook for him again in any circumstance, ever.

If he doesn't like that situation he can begin cooking for you again, things that you like, without chilli in. Once he has demonstrated that he can do this adequately you can go back to cooking for him again.

But, to be honest if I had to do that with a partner, it would probably give me the ick.

Ohthatsabitshit · 05/04/2025 08:13

What does he say if you ask him why?

diddl · 05/04/2025 08:20

Don't play games cooking stuff & saying that's how you feel.

Just leave.

Balloonhearts · 05/04/2025 08:33

Why the fuck are you putting up with this? Ditch the arsehole! Fgs woman, have some self respect and stop wasting your life with this guy.

Anniegetyourgun · 05/04/2025 08:34

Looks like the partner, his best friend, or a Tate brother has decided to contribute to this thread 🙄

Seriously, this is not a relationship anyone should be in. Even if you don't believe you deserve better - and you really do - it isn't good for either of you to be with someone you despise. And if he doesn't despise you but still behaves like this, he's got issues you aren't ever going to be able to solve.

Wornouttoday · 05/04/2025 08:35

LTB. What a c u next Tuesday.

BountifulPantry · 05/04/2025 08:40

I would literally say, quietly and calmly, “if you put chilli or spice on my food, I will not eat it and I will order a take away.”

Then when he puts chilli on the food, say nothing, dump your plate on the side, and order whatever you fancy for yourself. Again say nothing.

If he says something then repeat “I don’t like chilli or spice. If you put chilli or spice on my food I will not eat it and I will order a take away.” Repeat.

Agenoria · 05/04/2025 08:44

Have you tried getting rid of all chillis, chilli paste, chilli powder etc in the kitchen?

Wornouttoday · 05/04/2025 08:46

BountifulPantry · 05/04/2025 08:40

I would literally say, quietly and calmly, “if you put chilli or spice on my food, I will not eat it and I will order a take away.”

Then when he puts chilli on the food, say nothing, dump your plate on the side, and order whatever you fancy for yourself. Again say nothing.

If he says something then repeat “I don’t like chilli or spice. If you put chilli or spice on my food I will not eat it and I will order a take away.” Repeat.

Why bother - what a charade, waste of food and energy.

It’s not about the chilli OP. He doesn’t like you.

HelenWheels · 05/04/2025 08:52

i used to buy chili flakes
for those who want to add to their own plate!

whatsthatbloodycatdonenow · 05/04/2025 08:53

He’s a selfish spiteful dick. My husband hates fennel seeds. I love them. I don’t use them because I know he doesn’t like them. Sometimes I cook separately for myself with them in. It’s the little things that show how much you care for someone and equally it’s the little nasty things that can be the slow death of a relationship.

Orangemintcream · 05/04/2025 08:58

I would bet me house he behaves in other was that are abusive.

You likely just can’t see it yet.