DH put chili in my food AGAIN

[BelloItalia]

Ok I may be over reacting as I’m unwell and stressed but I’m so fucking angry

DH has this habit of putting chili in everything - despite the fact that I don’t like spicy food. He doesn’t even like spicy food himself, he’s one of these people that pretends to like it. It’s infuriating.

He loves to cook chicken on the BBQ - and it’s always a spicy jerk chicken coating mixed with ghost chilis etc. I’ve said I don’t like it, he says I do (don’t even get me started on that one). Everytime he says he’s doing chicken I always say “don’t do jerk chicken as I don’t want chili” he replies “don’t worry, I won’t make it spicy” - it’s always spicy.

When he cooks burgers he insists on making this spicy mayo stuff with jalepenos (I know that’s spent wrong, auto correct is in Italian and I can’t be bothered). I always say don’t put it on mine, he always does. Last time I said “if mine has any chili on it I won’t be eating it”. For once he didn’t put any on. I made a point of saying how lovely it was etc

So tonight he’s making burgers and I said “remember, no chili on mine). He said “ok”

My burger had chili on it. I said “why have you put chili on it??” He said “I havnt” I said I can taste it!” He said “no you can’t” (fucking infuriating!!!!)

never mind tasting it - I could literally see it!!!

WTF does he do this? I’m more wound up than usual as he’s been a twat all night. Picking me up when he knows I’m suffering bad period I pains, going on and on about my glasses - he’s such a dick when he’s drinking.

anyway - the food thing - AIBU to. E actually livid about it this time?

Do you know what a living partner would do when cooking for two different tastes? Make sure you both can eat it.
My partner likes chillis, he just chucks chilli flakes on whatever I’ve cooked - chicken korma? Chilli flakes. Even chilli con carne I make to mine and my daughter’s taste and then he can add extra chilli on his portion. Even when he cooks something spicy which I like , like a Thai green curry he dials down the spice to a level I can enjoy. You seem to have a partner who doesn’t actually care whether you can enjoy a meal or not.

Throw everything out with chilli in, if he buys more refuse to eat it and put it in the bin. Have some nice ready meals ready in the freezer to replace the "contaminated" meals.

He's a bully

life is too short… you don’t have to be a martyr and tolerate this bs.

God I have one of these too - only it’s sriracha sauce. Doesn’t even bother to taste the bolognese I have lovingly added wine, bacon lardons, fresh garlic and herbs to. However, I can still enjoy my serving and ignore the fact he has effectively shat on his…

He's not listening to anything you say which is awful. I'd throw out all the chilli in the house and completely feign ignorance. I think bullies like this only respond to a dose of it back (if you can be arsed at all). But I had an ex who used to do this lovely man but would to say I wasn't ill, wasn't upset etc and basically he just didn't have the emotional skills to deal with another human beings emotional needs and we broke up. I'd have an honest convo with him explaining how hurt this makes you feel as he may think he's being humorous, 'fun' and not realise how hurtful and damaging it is and potentially relationship ending.

On a lighter note, the family of this ex used to have a wind up they'd do to each other (and me) called tea surprise. They'd basically put pasta in a cup of tea and halfway through drinking it massive lumps of gross pasta appear as the 'surprise'. So annoying but also hilarious. Maybe one of those for his next cuppa may help prove the point 😂

He’s an abusive cunt . Leave him

If the only issue is the food, how often do you cook?

If the issue is his overall disregard for every single request you have… that’s worse. You know what’s the solution.

To give you an example: I hate onions. Can’t stand the bloody things and they’re in everything. My DH is a marvellous cook and before me, would use them for flavour, etc.

For the past 11 years, since we’ve been together, he no longer cooks with onion. Why? Because I don’t like them and he respects me enough to find work arounds.

YANBU

My ExH used to do this because he claimed everything was bland without chilli. Then he’d call me a wuss when I would choke on my food. Note he’s an ex. One of the many reasons….

You can do a lot better than this, I'm sure. He sounds awful and this is not normal behaviour. He doesn't seem to like or respect you. Who on earth gives their partner food that they can't eat?

To put it bluntly - he’s a twat. This to me is abuse. My exH used to do this to me knowing it would set off my IBS and would laugh when I was then in severe discomfort.

It would be a make or break situation for me and as he’s always done it to you (despite the one time he didn’t) I don’t think he will change. It’s up to you whether you’d split over this but I’d say it’s a LTB situation.

LTB. Be happy away from him.

Sigh. I feel like I'm getting old or something. I'm tired just from reading this shit (his behavior).

When I was younger, I had a penchant for drama and was petty/vengeful as hell. So I would have either had a huge dramatic screaming match OR go with some of suggestions upthread. Putting hottest chilies in his food, etc.

Nowadays, I can't muster any fucks to give anymore. Depending on my mood that day, I'd either call him a fucking childish prick who brings nothing good to my life and leave. OR if I'd still want something from this relationship (unlikely), then I'd sit him down one last time, calmly explain him what do I want, how I feel and tell him either he stops his shit, or I'll go. And then the next time it happens (and there will be the next time), I'd dump the fucking chili burgers in the bin and go.

As an aside, I know two 'chili people'. One man, one woman. The woman at least likes spicy food, but she constantly tries to out-chili herself, eating all kinds of crap, chili drops from amazon (I don't know what they're called, the deadly spicy ones), etc. I can see she doesn't enjoy it, but continues to do it.

And then there's a man. He doesn't even like spicy food that much. But pretends he does, and munches the flaming hot stuff, red faced, teary eyed. I don't know what's up with it, it's as if they both think liking very spicy food makes them 'hard' somehow. But neither of them foist this shit on others, just their own food.

Make a bigger deal of it OP.
Sit him down in a room free from distraction and explain how him putting chilli on/in your food is incredibly upsetting as it shows he doesn't care about you. You need to full on lay this out for him and see how he reacts.
If he minimises it, then he's showing you that he really just doesn't care. If he seems to take it on board but continues doing it, then again, he doesn't care.

On occasion, he may make genuine mistakes by adding too much chili or adding chilli to the whole dish before serving or even serving you the wrong plate. In which case I would expect remorse. My DH has done that before and he was full of apologies, offering me different food, fetching me a glass of milk etc.
If he finds it funny then he's a dickhead who doesn't respect you.

This is very deliberate unpleasant behaviour. Is it only happening when he’s had a drink?

My ‘d’p cang remember a single thing about me except my birthday.

Apparently he can’t help it abc I'm unreasonable and intolerant (and ‘unwell’) for expecting anything different . I’m expected to remember the things that he dislikes or prefers.

maybe your do is my ‘’d’ps twin

He’ll probably tell her she’s an intolerant cow who needs to ‘let things go’

You need to leave it aside and say 'I can't eat this. I told you I don't eat spicy food and you refused to listen. So I'll be ordering a delivery on your account for my dinner.'
He has to get the message if it's hitting him in the wallet?!
And his mayo with jalapenos sounds bloody awful! And I like spicy food. Lol x

Why are you with this idiot ?

The ways in which some men abuse the women they love never ceases to amaze me and it’s usually on this page I read about them. It’s a form of control OP and you shouldn’t stand for it.
You could refuse to eat anything he cooks from now on going forward.
Or you could just leave. Clearly it’s not the only issue this twat is bringing to the relationship.

Tell him to separate the food. So your burger or chicken is on a separate plate and cooked separately. No chilli on your food or the grill.

I agree 100% with @candycane222, @BelloItalia.

In the examples you have given, it would be SO bloody easy for him not to put chilli in your mayonnaise or to BBQ you some plain chicken. The fact he doesn't, despite repeated reminders, is abusive.

Is this a real post? Just make your own if it is real!

No! Don’t be reasonable and say “this is difficult for me to eat” make it clear “YOU are abusing me and I will not tolerate it any more”.

Cook separate meals for yourself and when he asks why be clear “you can’t be trusted to make my food, and I’m not tolerating your abuse around meals any longer”.

Obviously LTB