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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

394 replies

ThatTaupeOtter · 04/04/2025 19:27

I work FT in a demanding job. I’ve got a friend who’s a SAHM and constantly talks about how exhausting it is, how she never gets a break, how I’m “lucky” to get adult conversation. But she doesn’t have to commute, deal with office politics, or constantly prove her value. I get home and still have to parent. AIBU to think she actually has it easier and that she’s being a bit dramatic?

OP posts:
Pricelessadvice · 04/04/2025 19:29

You’re brave, OP…!

Emotionalsupporthamster · 04/04/2025 19:29

🍿 👀

SallyD00lally · 04/04/2025 19:30

Finally, a thread no-one's ever started before for at least 10 minutes

YANBU, or YABU or a big ol' meany or something like that probably.

Maybe.

SeaContainers · 04/04/2025 19:31

Yawn

NerrSnerr · 04/04/2025 19:31

This won't go well at all.

You'll get a lot of SAHP of school age children tell you all about the endless life admin they do every day etc. It won't end well.

GivingUpFinally · 04/04/2025 19:31

Each to their own. Everyone has their own stressors and handle situations differently. I'm not sure how tpu can actually compare it.

I ended up being a sahm during covid and I despised it. I had never felt so over worked or under valued before. Obviously, there were the issues that we went with pandemic living and homeschooling.

I'd prefer to work and parent than be a sahp.

DorothyStorm · 04/04/2025 19:31

It depends how shit their husband is. A sahm with a selfish arse kf a husband will have a difficult time, relentless work.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 04/04/2025 19:32

No, I don't think they do. I was a sahm for what it's worth. Different personalities will find difficult things difficult though tbh.

Depends how challenging your job is though tbh, there are some that are easier than others!

ThejoyofNC · 04/04/2025 19:32

Oh FFS.

OP, you are massively unreasonable for a whole host of reasons but I highly doubt you'll listen to any of them so I won't waste my time listing them.

Jeschara · 04/04/2025 19:32

It's not a competition, she feels as she feels. Just let it go, she thinks the grass is greener, probably looking for grown up conversation, she does not realise what you have to put in place just to get to work with children.

MyCatIsTheHeadChef · 04/04/2025 19:32

I am no longer working full time in an office. It is easier. Yes. Plus we are currently solvent so I am not worried about money. That is easier, yes. Plus DH is retired and he is also about and very hands on. That is easier yes.

If I were a SAHM worried to death about money, starved for adult conversation and without a supportive and present spouse it would not be so easy.

As always- it's ALWAYS about context.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 04/04/2025 19:33

🍿

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/04/2025 19:33

Does it matter who has it harder?

It isn't a race to the bottom in any case, but there are also way too many variables to give a definitive answer.

TidyDancer · 04/04/2025 19:33

I’ve done both and for me it was much easier to be at home but it’ll be different for everyone. Some have very easy jobs and very difficult babies. Some women are naturally very maternal, some aren’t.

Other things such as having a present and equal partner vs single parenthood or having professional help (such as au pair/nanny or a cleaner) vs no help or being financially secure or not can have a huge impact on how you feel about being at home.

getsomehelp · 04/04/2025 19:34

When I went back to work I was so relieved, it was freedom

mindutopia · 04/04/2025 19:34

I’ve done both. And I definitely found my big London job with my 3 hour commute and 5:30am wake ups easier than being home all day every day with my children. Hats off to people who find joy in it, but I definitely enjoyed my early mornings on the train drinking a coffee and my stimulating adult conversation.

PlasticPassion · 04/04/2025 19:34

I find it easier to be at home than I would working ft, sure.

ThejoyofNC · 04/04/2025 19:35

Oh and I suppose you're one of those people who will tell SAHMs that you do your job AND theirs, whilst outsourcing majority of your parenting.

Frowningprovidence · 04/04/2025 19:37

Too many variables

But there's no merit in winning at hardest. I mean what a stupid competition. Hard, harder, hardest.

Lighttodark · 04/04/2025 19:39

ThejoyofNC · 04/04/2025 19:35

Oh and I suppose you're one of those people who will tell SAHMs that you do your job AND theirs, whilst outsourcing majority of your parenting.

This

Original poster
ThatTaupeOtter · 04/04/2025 19:40

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/04/2025 19:33

Does it matter who has it harder?

It isn't a race to the bottom in any case, but there are also way too many variables to give a definitive answer.

You’re right. It’s not a competition and everyone’s situation is different. But I think the frustration comes when someone keeps implying that your life is easier or that you’re somehow more ‘privileged’ because you work outside the home… while ignoring the stress, pressure, and constant juggling that comes with it.

I’m not trying to rank who’s got it worse, just saying that sometimes the narrative from SAHMs can feel a bit one-sided, especially when full-time working parents are still doing all the parenting after their workday ends.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 04/04/2025 19:40

ThejoyofNC · 04/04/2025 19:35

Oh and I suppose you're one of those people who will tell SAHMs that you do your job AND theirs, whilst outsourcing majority of your parenting.

So what about a sahm who sends their child to preschool, nursery or school? Is that outsourcing?

Whaleandsnail6 · 04/04/2025 19:42

I do think its subjective but I found being at home with a baby and toddler on maternity leave much more enjoyable and easier than being at work.

Its not that I dislike my job (it is stressful though...mental health nurse) but I enjoyed being at home with my children more and it was definitely easier.

PlasticPassion · 04/04/2025 19:42

The narrative from SAHMs…which sahms? Or just this one friend of yours?

ThejoyofNC · 04/04/2025 19:43

DorothyStorm · 04/04/2025 19:40

So what about a sahm who sends their child to preschool, nursery or school? Is that outsourcing?

Show quote history

Yes obviously. I have nothing against that but I hate it when working mum's try to belittle SAHMs by saying this.