To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

[ThatTaupeOtter]

I work FT in a demanding job. I’ve got a friend who’s a SAHM and constantly talks about how exhausting it is, how she never gets a break, how I’m “lucky” to get adult conversation. But she doesn’t have to commute, deal with office politics, or constantly prove her value. I get home and still have to parent. AIBU to think she actually has it easier and that she’s being a bit dramatic?

Here we go again. Let's play top trumps. Why are you so concerned about others. Mind your own business and just worry about you and yours.

Look I’m a lone parent for 15 years and have worked full time. Everything is relative. Women need to stop doing this to ourselves. Yes the most important thing is financial independence as it gives us options. But this kind of debate always reminds me of the mash report

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I work and study and raise a child and I find it hard. But staying home for those 9 months during mat leave was personally harder for me, the hardest time I've had. I wish I had been the kind of mum who thrived in it but I'm not. Everyone is different, has different circumstances, different personalities, different kinds of children, different numbers of children, different kinds of jobs.

All parents and mothers have hard times and diminishing others isn't on.

I’ve never heard anyone say working mums have it easier. These posts are so anti feminist/daily mail I can’t believe it. All mums are mums and we should be supportive rather than in competition, just tell your friend to stop it

Yes definitely easier being a sahm than a working mum.

Working mum's are literally doing the same household chores in half the time available to a sahm. It's really hard to do all the cleaning/cooking/life admin in the evening after work. It's exhausting!

I'm much happier being at home than when I was working. When I hear the daily routines of some of my working friends, I'd literally tear my hair out if I had to walk a week in their shoes.

Doesn't it depend on the job and then the mum and the child?
And the money and support network?
But yes of course having a small irrational person who doesn't understand logic and time and relies on you for every single thing is going to be usually far ,far more demanding than Work.
Unless you're in a nursery dealing with other people's children

I have done both and SAHM mum is easier. Yes it's still hard work being SAHM but working full time with kids is on another level. Evenings taken up with cooking, helping with homework, putting kids to bed, admin and putting a wash on if you can stay awake long enough for it to finish. No time to hoover or dust or sort out kitchen cupboards or change bed sheets. Forget about ever getting to the gym or nice coffee morning. House is like a bomb site by the weekend so Saturdays are spent catching up on housework and Sundays either in an exhaustive coma or mustering up the energy to have a family day out and then it starts over again.

Agree with this.

Every job I’ve had in my life but one I didn’t enjoy and I would still choose to go to that one job because I would get breaks and time without being on constant alert and being touched. It’s just DH and I, and our three, one being autistic with sensory issues and says an handful of words, the middle is on the lengthy waiting list to be assessed, and youngest is 17mo and a cling film baby since birth.

When DC3 isn’t on me, I’m pulling her off of things, specifically the kitchen table. Simple chores take longer because I’m trying to keep her safe or she is making a mess somewhere else. She fights her naps and by time she does go to sleep, I can’t usually sleep with her because it will be time to pick up DC2 from school and rush back in time to receive DC1 from his taxi. She also doesn’t sleep through the night.

I’ve been a working mum and I would drop kids off at nursery, commute to work, have a lovely hot drink and a bit of food that is actually hot and no one trying to steal
it and a read of something before I started work. Commute back and have a nice walk to pick up DCs.

I’m looking at going back to work because the stress of being a carer and a sahp is harder for me emotionally, mentally, and physically than being a carer and a working parent.

Why is this so hard to understand? It drives me crazy, I would never dream of saying I work harder, I am a better role model, I care about my kids more. It's very boring isn't it? And it means we just plod round in circles generation after generation being bitter.

Ask ourselves are we happy? Are our kids happy? If not do your best to try and change that. The idea that we bicker amongst ourselves is pointless. I think working mums our great, but I don't do it. I am a SAHM/educator, don't try and tell me what I am, that what I do is not worthwhile or is not as important as your job.

And, this always gets on my nerves, the argument that working mums do everything stay at home mums do during the day but they just cram it into less hours when they come home after work isn't accurate. Your physical/mental labour was given to do your job for that day. That's great, I really do admire working parents. I know it must be hard to then come home and do chores as well. But if you have a good partner you shouldn't have to do it all, that's just not fair.

But my labour was given to look after my babies/kids/the messes/cleaning/meals/tantrums/ in my case the planning, the lessons, feeding messes, emotions of the day, the work that having kids around all the time produces, that was how my labour was given that day. No, no time for big cleaning jobs, chores, shopping, resting, naps, preparing meals,admin, that has to be done in the evening as well. I do just enough to get by then tackle it later.

If they are at nursery or childminder or school, someone else is doing this. That's not a nasty comment it's just a fact. Someone else's labour is being spent to care for your child, and they receive a wage for it. Their labour is not nothing, so why do we see SAHM contribution as less?

I do find it strange how 'cleaning' became synonymous with 'mother'.

I have fallen into the trap myself there, I keep saying working mums, I mean parents!

I think both are equally hard, in different ways. I wanted to be a SAHM originally, but changed my mind on maternity leave. I returned part-time. This seems the ideal balance to me. I get days off with my son, and also still have my foot in the door at work. Best of both worlds. I feel lucky I'm able to do this!

Done both.
For me personally, going to work was much easier. I'd skip put of the front door daily wishing my 2DC and DP a wonderful day.
My DC are a lot!!

I became a sahp once again last year.

Work is still definitely easier for me imo but I'm enjoying the time with my kids as they're getting older quickly and before you know it their childhood will be gone and I'll be weeping into my toast, where's my babies gone?!

Of course it is easier, the down side is you are also poorer.

It’s easier once they start school. I didn’t take to motherhood as I had assumed I would and found the endless cooking/cleaning/nappy changing etc such drudgery. I went back to work after my first and relished the several hours baby free, but once I had my second I would be paying to work.
The downside is boredom and drudgery, lack of social contact and brain stimulation. The upside is no one (boss, though the kids sure are demanding) is making demands and you can make your own schedule, albeit with a few other beings to cater to! It’s not like you can sit on the sofa watching TV and snack all day.

Husband and I are both NHS staff. We've had situations where we've had to bring our kids to work because we've both had to work the same shift unexpectedly (husband's surgeries can take 12-15 hours sometimes & I'm not allowed to delay my shifts as a nurse if that happens).

We are luckier than most at the moment in that there is a children's ward here that the hospital does allow us to leave our kids in, but it's not really childcare. The staff there just keep an eye on them while they're sleeping or playing and most of the time there aren't actual beds for them to sleep in.

It's a valid point

NHS staff are incredible. You saved my baby son’s life when he was rushed to the NICU, nurses cared for him through the night and were our lifeline. You saved my life with a fast moving kidney infection. Your care for my daughter clarifying if she had an underlying immune issue was brilliant.

Thank you both so much for helping all of us. Combining this with raising children is an incredible effort. I’m glad you have some support from the children’s ward, and truly wish you well with whatever support you need for your own children to help you both keep doing your incredible work. We appreciate you a great deal! 😊