To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

[ThatTaupeOtter]

I work FT in a demanding job. I’ve got a friend who’s a SAHM and constantly talks about how exhausting it is, how she never gets a break, how I’m “lucky” to get adult conversation. But she doesn’t have to commute, deal with office politics, or constantly prove her value. I get home and still have to parent. AIBU to think she actually has it easier and that she’s being a bit dramatic?

Are we really dredging this up again? What is the point?

I work full time in a demanding, male dominated industry and frankly it’s like a holiday compared to staying at home with little ones! My hat goes off to stay at home parents. Good on you. Equally, good on people trying to hold down the demands of a full time job with a family. Although being a SAHM is hard, I would actually love to be able to be at home full time with my kids but I can’t afford to.

Both choices require sacrifice. Raising kids is hard.

Don’t compete with your friend. Why are you struggling to lend an empathetic ear?

I’ve done both and I was a lot happier being a sahm
take of that what you will

I would much rather go to work than spend every day at home with my DC. I love them more than anything but both are autistic and have high needs in different ways. When I am able to go in to work people listen to me, no one yells at me and by the end of the day I have achieved something more than simply surviving.

The grass is always greener on the other side. I used to work part time 3 days once in the office and I hated going in found it stressful sorting everything - got made redundant went freelance and now I miss the office!

One of those things, the grass is always greener 🤷🏻‍♀️
it’s pretty tough dealing with babies, toddlers, young children and life in day after day knowing you are just waking up to the same dull thing- illnesses, lack of sleep, same dull games, same puzzles… it is amazing going to farms, watching them learn things, laughing till your belly hurts, enjoying life.
it’s pretty tough going to full time work, knowing you have all the hard times at work with people you don’t enjoy but then the trade off of knowing your worth, enjoying a quiet lunch, using your brain, getting dressed nicely and not having the numbing mindless parts

SAHM gets much easier when they are in preschool and primary school

How did I guess?...

Oh and you are trying to rank it, hence your thread title.

Oh do piss off OP!

Why so many of these right wing posts lately?

It think it depends on each individual circumstances.

One SAHM is different to the other, as is each working mum.

I’ve done both and being a SAHM with my SEN child was way more challenging and stressful than being a SAHM with my non-SEN child. I’ve also had jobs which have been more stressful than being a SAHM and also jobs which have been less stressful.

Yes! The coffee on the train is amazing

I think it very much depends on the age of the children. Preschool age id rather chew my own arm off than be a SAHP. But once they are in school then I would say it’s way easier you essentially get 6 hours a day to yourself and I don’t care how much cleaning and life admin you have it doesn’t take 6 hours a day.

YANBU In relation to your friends comment being annoying.

Lucky has nothing to do with it.

If she wants to be 'lucky' then presumably she can apply for a job 🤷🏼‍♀️

There's nothing right wing about this thread. Conservative values align more with SAHM households.

Oh gosh no doubt they do!
but how lovely to be able to spend lots of time with your children without worrying about anything else. I had loads of adult conversation with other SAHMs. We had coffee, met in the park, went shopping or to the beach.
Every day was a wonder with our children but money was tight!
Can’t imagine worrying about a commute, office politics or proving my value, why would you unless you have too?
yes it was exhausting but physically rather than mentally

I might be one of these … but do wonder what I’m outsourcing? If ‘staying at home’ was an option, I’d consider it. But unfortunately it’s not an option. But I’m not outsourcing anything. I did look ay having my black bin cleaned out every month. But £4 was a bit steep.

Fair point, it did start with my friend but I’ve seen the same sentiment come up a lot in wider convos, both online and in real life.

It’s not about attacking all SAHMs, it’s about pushing back on a recurring narrative that working mums have it ‘easier’ or that their challenges are somehow less valid because they get to drink their coffee in peace or talk to adults.

Everyone’s situation is tough in different ways, I’m just saying the comparison goes both ways and sometimes that gets lost.

Tell your friend that you don't enjoy conversations where you have to compete for who's life is hardest, and that friends should be supportive of each other, not try put each other down for their lifestyles. Then stop playing the game. You must surely have more fun things to discuss with each other than such a tedious and irritating topic.

I've done both and I'd say being home with babies and toddlers was harder for me but once they started school, I'd have relished days at home instead of having to go back to work.

Ouch. Isn’t annoying a bit harsh? Perhaps it doesn’t make economic sense for her to work. Perhaps her friend was just venting to who she thought was a supportive person and her comments weren’t going to be blasted all over MN! Plenty of people complain about their jobs and 9-5. How is this different?

It's like everything in life and depends entirely on the specific scenarios being compared.

A SaHM with a partner and household staff obviously has it easier than an A&E doctor who is a single parent...

I'm a SAHP to a child with a life limiting condition. She can't walk, she can't feed or toilet herself. Days are relentless with keeping on top of everything including daily physio, even more so when she has an infection. My job in a school, even with a long commute, was a breeze in comparison.

I think it really depends on the person, the job etc. I personally love my job and find it much easier than looking after my kids all day. My DP works away often at weekends due to the nature of his job, and some weeknights, too. On those weekends, I find it utterly exhausting in the way your friend explains. There’s not a minute in the day for just me, I’m always tending to another person.

When I go to work, I spend the day focussed on a job I enjoy, I eat my meal without a toddler crawling on me, I get to have adult conversation.

For me, I find it easier going to work than staying home full time.

It isn’t a competition. Life is hard for any mother, whether or not she works.

I’ve done both.

Staying at home was harder.

Some working mums have it easier than stay at home mums and some working mums have it harder than some stay at home mums.

It very much depends on the job, whether single mum or with a partner, special needs kids or not, how many kids, living situation and so on.

there is no blanket rule that one type of mum always has it harder than the other

It depends on whether you mean a sahm with dc still at home….or whether those dc are in school. I’ve been a sahm but as soon as mine were school age I went back to work full time. Which is easier? For me working is easier…