To say stay-at-home mums have it easier than full-time workers?

[ThatTaupeOtter]

I work FT in a demanding job. I’ve got a friend who’s a SAHM and constantly talks about how exhausting it is, how she never gets a break, how I’m “lucky” to get adult conversation. But she doesn’t have to commute, deal with office politics, or constantly prove her value. I get home and still have to parent. AIBU to think she actually has it easier and that she’s being a bit dramatic?

I’ve done both SAHM and working full time. I would say both are equally exhausting. Both have there ups and downs.

in my next life i want to be a dad 😂

I’m really not trying to be argumentative but what do you mean by outsourcing parenting?

SAHMs of babies/toddlers have it harder than working parents.

SAHMs of school age kids have it easier, is my verdict.

Honestly? No, I don’t think I would. I love my children but I also really value working, using my skills, having independence, and contributing to something outside the home. That doesn’t mean I think SAHMs have it easy, just that full-time parenting wouldn’t fulfil me long-term, even if money and career progression weren’t factors.

And I think that’s part of what fuels the tension. If I did want to be at home and couldn’t afford it, maybe I’d see things differently. But because I’ve actively chosen work, it can be frustrating to be told how ‘lucky’ I am, when it’s a choice that comes with its own very real costs.

You can’t compare apples to oranges. It completely depends on the context.

I’m a SAHM and my life is lovely. One DC who is at disabled but at primary school full time.
We have a cleaner once a week so I only need to worry about keeping clean and tidy in between her cleans. I’m in charge of all of life admin as well as cooking meals, DC & DH’s lunches but I literally have the entire time she’s at school to myself. I go to Pilates, coffee, get my nails and hair done etc.

DH works shifts from home so I spend his lunch breaks with him if I’m home and if he doesn’t start work until 2pm he’ll give me a lie in and take DC to school. He’s also an incredibly hands on Dad and we’re lucky enough to be financially stable. My life is much easier than a Mum who is working full time. I know I’m incredibly blessed and lucky.

On the other hand my best friend has a useless DP who does everything he can to get out of being at home with her and the kids. He also goes out getting pissed every weekend She has 3 kids, 2 step kids, privately rents and has one minimum wage coming in. She does absolutely everything. I can’t remember the last time I saw her without a kid stuck to her. It’s been years. She also moved hours away so has no support from anyone.

I’m constantly saying she should try to work once the littlest is in school so she can have a bit of independence. Her life is hard. I’d say much harder than most full time working Mum’s. She works 24 hours a day and gets 0 time to breathe to herself.

As a SHM ( my child isnt in childcare) and work part time. When im working it's easier, i complete tasks, feel a sense of achievement, sit down, have adult conversations. I love my kids but it's different - obviously some people will feel different and thats ok. This post is just fueling the hatred and divide between the two and life is different some people have harder jobs that others/ some people have more help than others/ some people thrive at certain things more than others.

I feel like a skill of yours is to stir the pot.

Have you suggested your friend get a job if she finds it so hard?
I bet that'd shut her up.

Being a SAHP to preschool children is exhausting. I've stayed at home and worked FT and PT. None of it is easy.

I think this is pretty much it. It depends on whether there’s a supportive partner or strong family/friend support network available also. The type of job matters also as well as number of kids. So no point in having this conversation as there’s too many variables! There’s no reasonable or unreasonable here. Live and let live!

Im a SAHM to a 4 year old with additional needs and a 20 month old and it’s full on to say the least.

It is much easier than being a working parent I'm sure. My life is great, no work stress, get to spend loads of time with my kids, get to do nice things with them most days. I love it and feel very privileged to be able to choose this although I’m sure it’s not lots of people’s cup of tea.

The one thing I really miss about working is getting to go to the office and see colleagues and have adult conversation and that is something that I do really envy of working mums. Sometimes I feel like I don’t really switch my mum brain off all day and you can loose some of your identity when you’re a SAHM, could your friend just feel abit like that? Although she’s put it clumsily, it’s obviously not easier being a working parent.

I will most likely go back to work once both of my children are both in school but this is what works for our family currently.

Try both, working FT and parenting when you haven’t got the peace of a quiet workspace… the only place I get a break is work, and I am a teacher! Ha!
In all seriousness, it’s not a competition? Both are equally demanding in v different ways!

How do you work that out?

This is such a silly debate. Who is the most exhausted. I think it’s exhausting to have small children whether you work or not.

Another SAHM vs Working mum thread. Groan.

I work full time. Have to juggle it all, but I know that being at home all day with two young children would be relentless. I know that a day at home with the kids is without a doubt harder than a full day at work… but it is more rewarding.

It doesn't need to be worked out. It is common sense.

I have done both and personally find working far far far easier.

The utter monotonous drudgery of being a sahp nearly finished me off.

I am more tired working though, but much more fulfilled and mentally stimulated.

I have two children. First ds autistic, really hard to parent because you try everything and you always feel that you're not doing enough. Ds2 nt was sooo easy. Having 3 of ds2 would be easier than ds1 alone. My DH was very happy to go to work when they were small to get some respite🤣..
If I can just tell you one thing I regret it's being too attentive to what other people thought/said who had no idea of his disability (neither did we until he was 4 y old) and who made me feel like a lousy mother even though I knew I was "doing every thing right" (being loving, firm, consistant, patient etc). With our ND children the rules do not apply and we have to find ways that work for our children/families and not listen to what people who have no insight/experience have to say about the methods that work for us. Good luck!

Erm, doesn't it just depend? On the mum/the child/ what job you're doing?

Both are quite extreme. Pros and cons to both. Surely this is not news OP?

Apples and oranges. They will both have their pros and cons.

But did you name change OP because you're embarrassed about how you feel on this terribly interesting WOHM/SAHM debate? Why don't you own it?

Depends on age. Under 4 sahp is bloody hard. School age it's def harder being a woring parent

It’s not a race to the bottom. I have done both and personally am much happier a person going out to work. It may not be easy but I feel more human doing so. But that’s me and doesn’t mean it is the same for everyone.

whatever makes you feel better.

Wow OP, you sound like such a hero, working full time!! Luckily you're happy and secure in your life decisions, so that's worked out well.

Obviously your friend is unreasonable for feeling tired and stressed. I hope she's not also on BENEFITS of any sort 😱 Because I'll have an aneurysm if so - !