Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

925 replies

ZingyJadePombear · 03/04/2025 17:33

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Speckyfourfries · 03/04/2025 17:34

Their wedding..their choice

UndermyShoeJoe · 03/04/2025 17:34

Yanbu to say you cannot attend

Yabu to think your idea of a wedding is the only way.

WindyRoses · 03/04/2025 17:35

Don't go then. It's an invite. Not a summons. You can choose to decline

murasaki · 03/04/2025 17:35

They are not being unreasonable to have the wedding they want. You are not unreasonable not to go.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 03/04/2025 17:36

Yep, totally their call. I had a child free wedding back in the day, best decision I made

Sirzy · 03/04/2025 17:36

yanbu to not go.

yabu to try to tell them how to have their wedding

caterpillars27 · 03/04/2025 17:36

It’s their wedding - not yours. I’m not sure I’d want loads of children running round on my big day either.

JHound · 03/04/2025 17:37

You can decline a wedding invite for any reason.

Say you cannot attend and don’t feel guilty. I have had to decline wedding invites previously and only one person got arsey about it.

outerspacepotato · 03/04/2025 17:37

You do you. 🙄

Havingasmashingtime · 03/04/2025 17:37

Nah
ive got 3 kids and wouldn’t take offence at that.
kids can ruin a wedding
I prefer adults only

Cabbagefamily · 03/04/2025 17:37

You can choose not to go - that is reasonable. But it’s also reasonable for them to choose a child-free wedding.
But you sound very judgmental over their choice - “Pinterest-perfect”.

ThejoyofNC · 03/04/2025 17:37

YANBU. I hate that so many weddings have become all about the pictures and nothing about the actual enjoyment of everyone attending.

JHound · 03/04/2025 17:37

Also there is nothing selfish about it. It’s their wedding not yours.

mathanxiety · 03/04/2025 17:37

YANBU and I agree with your take on this. They know their guests have children but they prioritise their photos over the welcome they extend to their guests. I think couples like this are rude.

Stripeyanddotty · 03/04/2025 17:37

I got married 30 years ago - in the last century. No kids at our wedding.

ImmortalSnowman · 03/04/2025 17:38

IMO you are selfish for thinking their wedding should include children when they don't want to.

A group of drunk adults is not a good environment for young children.

LoyalHiker · 03/04/2025 17:38

Don't go then. That's reasonable for you.

But to say it's selfish for them is unreasonable. It's their day and their choice much the same it's your choice to attend or not.

JaninaDuszejko · 03/04/2025 17:38

It's an invitation not a summons. Just send a letter thanking them for the invitation but regretfully declining. And don't feel pressurised by your parents to contribute to a present. Your cousin doesn't want your children there because they are young and foolish. In another few years they'll realise that not having family children was a mistake.

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 03/04/2025 17:38

You are not not going because it's selfish, but simply because you can't find babysitter.
It's likr people getting high up that they don't fly, then say because they can't afford it.

CF weddings are fine as long as B&G don't go into hissy if people RSVP no.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 03/04/2025 17:39

I mean you do you! But I doubt it will make a big impact or much of a difference to their day if you come or not

i had a child free wedding and some people couldn’t come due to that and some people couldn’t come for whatever other reason - and we just ticked them off as no - or replaces them with someone else 🤷‍♀️

Crispyapple · 03/04/2025 17:39

I think it’s more selfish to expect and bride and groom to not have the wedding they want (and are most likely paying a fortune for) to accommodate your wishes to be honest.
A lot of people can’t think of anything worse than having young children at a wedding - hence all the child free weddings lately!
That being said, you’re not being unreasonable for not going - your choice if the circumstances don’t suit you

Elunajeya · 03/04/2025 17:39

They know some people won’t be able to go when they say it’s child-free, so don’t go if you want, but it’s not any big dramatic point you’re making.

People can invite who they want to their weddings.

LlynTegid · 03/04/2025 17:39

Their decision, just politely decline the invitation.

Sirzy · 03/04/2025 17:39

Children at an event changes the tone of that event. Not everything has to be child friendly. Not having children there isn’t about photos!

MesmerisingMuon · 03/04/2025 17:40

Their wedding. It's child free. If you can't get childcare then you can't go.

Not much more to it really.

It's much more relaxing at weddings not to have kids running round or shouting or crying etc... Nothing to do with pinterest.