To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

Even if they did allow children to attend, they need to draw the line, who they invite. Unless they have lots of money, I wouldn't expect cousins kids to be invited

This sums it up in a nutshell, @ZingyJadePombear.

I have been to weddings that were child free and weddings that were child friendly, and both sorts were wonderful days.

We didn't invite cousins or children to our wedding!

Spot on. You’re not paying for it and it’s up to you if you don’t go.

Do what you want surely? Weddings are boring anyway.

Who says it’s about the pictures? We had a child free wedding because we worked out that our friends had 45 kids between them and if we had to invite them all we would have had to remove a lot of friends and family from the list in favour of kids we barely knew who would get nothing out of it. It was nothing to do with photos.

Why fo people seem to think only reason gor CF weddings are perfect pictures? 😂

Their wedding their choice. That being said, it's an invite not a summons. We made the effort for one child free wedding (good friends, big families but restricted numbers so understandable and didn't want to miss it). Other child free invites we've politely declined.

I had a child free wedding nearly 20 years ago - and it wasn’t flash or “insta” worthy (did that even exist in 2008?). Anyway, two kids on I would still prefer to attend a child free wedding!

I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there.
You mean they're putting their wants before your needs... On their wedding day.
How bloody dare they 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nothing to do with selfish. They're not obliged to accommodate children just because you think they should. Just decline.

Reverse snobbery.

YANBU just don't go.

If you can't go, you can't go. However, having recently been to several weddings with lots of young children in attendance, I completely understand why people opt for child free weddings.

At the last one I attended, I barely heard a word of the ceremony due to the amount of crying/talking and parents coming in and out of the room with children. The bride and grooms' own child loudly starting crying that they needed to go to the toilet and pulling on the groom's coat tails in the middle of them saying their vows, and during the first dance there were at least three children running around the dance floor and nearly tripping the couple up.

Who says it’s because they want a Pinterest wedding and no kids is for the aesthetic? Children can become noisy/ tired and grouchy at weddings. I say this as someone with young DC who also wouldn’t be able to attend. Is a paid baby sitter an option?

I had a child free wedding nearly 40 years ago. No one got upset, no one declined the invitation, it was a great day, no regrets. They can have their wedding any way they want, it's not about you.

People are allowed to have child free weddings but you accept that people with children might not be able to come. Similarly if you have a destination wedding, you have to accept people may not travel for it.

Not everyone enjoys children running about all over the show at their wedding.

I love child free weddings, not a party otherwise 🤷🏻‍♀️

& I have dc

I'm with you op, children are as important as everyone else.

Imagine if someone decided to have a grandparent free wedding as old people spoilt the vibe.

Either invite a whole family or not at all.

Yes this. 'Refusing' to go sounds like drama.

I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there.

Why does childfree = pinterest perfect?

Same except it was 32 years ago. It's not a new thing at all. And it was most definitely not about the photos then.

I had a child free wedding apart from babies in arms because my sil and best friend had just had babies a few weeks before. It was nothing to do with rules or aesthetics but more to do with the numbers my venue could take and the cost. Plus the fact I knew many of my in laws were heavy drinkers and didn't really want kids in that mix because then I'd feel like I or others would need to manage the adults instead of enjoying the day.

I've since had friends who've had child free weddings and it meant I couldn't go as ds was refusing bottles at that point.

I understand being disappointed but ultimately, your childcare or lack thereof is your issue not the bride and grooms. And I do think it's very unfair to suggest their reasoning is purely superficial.