To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

You don't need to pay if the reason for your visit is for private prayer/visiting a specific memorial e.g. for spiritual reasons rather than as a tourist:

Image link failed... @IcedPurple

Although I don’t think Magic counts @RatedDoingMagic 😉

Yes, but 'special events' require an invitation.

I'd imagine a royal wedding falls into that category, which was the subject of the post I was responding to.

A royal wedding is a completely different issue.
Security issues will void any general rights people have to attend.
It’s not a comparable situation

Why not go solo and your spouse can have the kids? YABU.

Same here! Nothing to do with a Pinterest wedding…the internet hadn’t been invented when I got married. Go or don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was agreeing with your recent post re special circumstances re royal weddings.

All other responses ( by myself and others relate to other access rights discussed throughout the thread ) and are pure fact.
My comments are not silly. They are accurate. See other posters who have uploaded the evidence in support.

OP has said that she wants to celebrate the wedding "as a family".

Apparently what she wants is as important (or more important) than what the bride and groom want. But they are definitely selfish and she is definitely not.

I don't think its unreasonable not to go because you don't have a sitter or feel affronted

I do think its unreasonable to think you should be able to dictate other people's weddings

She has. She doesn’t want to leave the children with her partner and go to the wedding solo (where she would be among extended family) as she would prefer to experience her cousins wedding as a family unit.

She has options, she just doesn’t like them but won’t move on.

Already responded to my comment

Actually, I wonder if Op isn't saying that child free weddings are selfish per se, but that her brother is being selfish by not inviting his own nieces, but inviting children of his bride to be's acquaintance. I think I would find that selfish if my brother did that to me.

The OP hasn’t said that at all though. No children are invited.
The groom isn’t her sibling, they are cousins.

Sorry, posted to wrong thread!

It’s not about photos. I didn’t want children at my wedding because I knew their parents would be completely distracted running around after toddlers and young kids and then probably pack up and leave at 9pm and I wanted to enjoy a good dance and evening do. Everyone with kids still came and found childcare but I would have understood if not possible. Most of my friends had child free weddings so didn’t expect their children to come to mine when the time came. I can’t imagine many 5 year olds being devastated to miss a long day that is geared towards adults with very little fun stuff to do for them

Hard disagree. Weddings as a child were the best and still have fond memories of these.

I didn’t exclude any DC from mine (despite not having any myself), some chose to bring theirs and some didn’t. My priority was my guests. I was still able to dance and enjoy myself.

The type of wedding you and your friends had seem to have become more the norm. Sometimes had to skip CF weddings due to childcare issues. When I have gone, found them very cliquey and a bit soul less.

The best weddings prioritise their guests including family members otherwise it’s just a glorified day/night out with the usual suspects and their spectators.

Consequently most weddings as an adult in more recent years are a bit shit IMO.

YANBU
They are selfish imo

Must just depend on your friendship groups. We all really like each other so enjoyed the day celebrating each other and enjoying each other’s company in the same way we did pre children. I had an amazing time at my friends’ wedding and I think they did at mine too. I don’t think children are necessary in order for something not to be “soulless”- adults can bring joy to an event too. Maybe I’m in a different position but I don’t have any young children in my family so it was purely friends who didn’t bring their children but I think they enjoyed a night away and didn’t feel it was wrong or unfair as they had done the same themselves. That being said I would enjoy a wedding with children there too - I just didn’t want that for my wedding (and neither did any of my friends).

I think the best invite I have seen is that they'd prefer if guests came without their children. However, if it meant the invited guests couldn't attend, then children were welcome. But this knvisouly works only if they really want the invited guests to attend.

Anyway, you don't have to attend. They've calculated that some guests can't attend.

In general, I don't really care if wedding is childfree or not (I don't have kids). But I have to say I've yet to be st a wedding where the vibe has been different because of kids or that the wedding has been ruined. Could be that I've never been to a wedding fancy enough where children wouldn't fit.

There is no right or wrong way to do weddings.

It is up to the Bride and Groom. No one is under any obligation to invite your or anyone else's children. Equally, if you dont like the terms of the invite, you dont have to accept.

Their decision might have nothing to do with wanting 'Pinterest perfect pictures'.

In my experience, weddings with kids are fine throughout the ceremony, meal and speeches and early evening party. But what then tends to happen is that, as parents get more drunk, the kids get more tired and these parents expect everyone else to look after them. Now THAT'S selfish! This is likely the main reason why more people are choosing child-free weddings.

Sorry that the weddings you have been to have been soulless - I’m sure the bride and groom didn’t think so.
Our child free wedding was definitely not appropriate for children - black tie/formal long dress/London hotel with 5 course dinner. 300 guests who enjoyed themselves, including a night off from looking after their children. No one asked to bring babies/children and made their own childcare arrangements.

No children is not about aesthetics. Children are annoying, even lovely well behaved children. 😂 You can love them, enjoy seeing them and still being relieved when they go home. I have 2 of my own and I'm a primary school teacher. 😂 They are noisy, messy and take adults attention. Sometimes it's lovely to go somewhere with adults and enjoy adult conversation undistracted. Have a few drinks and properly relax. I had no children at my wedding. I understand it's frustrating. My husband is going to his cousins wedding next week and I can't go cause the kids aren't invited but I totally understand. Especially adults who haven't got kids yet probably don't want to be distracted by kids in their special day. YABU