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Original poster

New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours

383 replies

innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 05:55

I thought I'd make a new thread to let you know that I have stayed strong, am enjoying my peace (and cat).
I have to go to work very soon so I will post later this evening, but thank you all so much for your messages and support!

He has messaged to meet up but I have said no. His things are packed up and we have financial issues to sort like joint account and investments so blocking outright isn't doable yet. I am not worried for my safety.

Some lovely colleagues at work have been helpful- especially one who has been in a very similar situation in the past, who said it doesn't get better, only worse.

He's messaged the typical misses me, can't believe how things are text now, but no apology. When I told him the way I have been disrespected and then the way he spoke to me and left was shockingly undeserved, he ignored that and just kept asking me to meet him. I said no.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
RawBloomers · 03/04/2025 06:03

Glad you stayed strong OP. His lack of any attempt to even acknowledge your point of view tells you all you really need to know.

sellotapechicken · 03/04/2025 06:03

Go you! Stay strong! The fact has hasn’t apologised speaks volumes

Tooty78 · 03/04/2025 06:03

Another early bird here, just wanted to say I am so proud of you. Have a great day🌞

CoffeeBeansGalore · 03/04/2025 06:07

@innersilentscreams sounds like you are getting sorted. Nice to hear that you & the cat are enjoying the peace. No apology so he still won't acknowledge he was in the wrong? Wow. True colours are fully shown now.
Thank you for updating. Glad you are ok.

Original poster
innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 06:09

Yep- the lack of apology still has blown my mind.
Have a lovely day all x

OP posts:
Fraaances · 03/04/2025 06:12

He’s not apologizing because he’s not sorry about that. He is sorry he’s pushed the boat out on his fabulous lifestyle though…

Penguinmouse · 03/04/2025 06:13

Good for you! Be proud that you have the self respect to say no.

Chicheguevara · 03/04/2025 06:21

Pleased for you that you have found strength and are not capitulating to his requests. He clearly is not going to acknowledge your concerns. He thinks he can just carry on as before. He is probably just a tad sad that he has suddenly lost his cushy lifestyle, he’ll get over it and you will move on. You and the cat are so much better off without the disrespectful SKs. You were totally in the right with what you said and your actions.
Chin up and keep moving forward. There is very little worth looking at in the rear view mirror of life, once you have left the situation behind you.
(I know it’s your home and you haven’t left it. I meant the relationship situation).

dapsnotplimsolls · 03/04/2025 06:39

Thank you for the update. Can you meet him with someone else there? Not your Mum!

LushLemonTart · 03/04/2025 06:43

So glad to read you're staying strong.

He's realising what he's lost. Hopefully he'll start to parent?

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 06:47

And have you begun to work on building up a life for yourself? Friends? Hobbies? Social life?

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/04/2025 07:02

Just linking your first thread in case someone asks.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5304943-told-my-dp-i-was-upset-by-stepkids-disrespectful-behaviour-and-now-it-looks-like-my-relationship-is-over?page=1

Fantastic job. Well done you. This is really not something you will ever regret. Him otoh. He’s lost a good woman and a home for his kids. And he’s still got kids, who show him zero respect. He really needs to learn a thing or two. The boundary that you are putting up right now is the lesson he needs tbh and is the best thing for you. Stay strong. He’s not good on boundaries at all. However, he will eventually have to digest the news and leave you alone.

Told my DP I was upset by Stepkids' disrespectful behaviour, and now it looks like my relationship is over | Mumsnet

Not sure if I want a hand hold or to be told I need to give my head a wobble, or whether I have done the right thing, but after a year of putting up w...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5304943-told-my-dp-i-was-upset-by-stepkids-disrespectful-behaviour-and-now-it-looks-like-my-relationship-is-over?page=1

honeylulu · 03/04/2025 07:15

Good for you standing firm.

He hasn't apologised because he thinks you are silly and unreasonable. (You aren't.) He wants you to get over it so he can get his feet back under your table and his horrid kids back in your lounge.

All the best to you and your little cat.

PullTheBricksDown · 03/04/2025 07:18

What everyone else has said. Pity he can't see the disservice he's doing to his kids to let them carry on like this. But he doesn't want to stop. And clearly thinks that if you agree to meet, he can persuade you to keep putting up with it!

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/04/2025 07:26

Yep, he’s panicking about looking after his children in his parents home.
Would love to be a fly on the wall this weekend - imagine the carnage!
He is just sad that him and his his lovely children can no longer treat you like dirt and trash your home.
Protect your peace. Bet your cat is bloody delighted!

dapsnotplimsolls · 03/04/2025 07:32

I like to think that the cat will be skipping with joy this weekend. More likely napping in every room because it can 😁

AlertCat · 03/04/2025 07:35

dapsnotplimsolls · 03/04/2025 06:39

Thank you for the update. Can you meet him with someone else there? Not your Mum!

i imagine this is a meeting that could be emails, no?

Well done OP, so nice when I see women getting out of a toxic situation and taking back control.

autisticbookworm · 03/04/2025 07:36

He’s sorry because he had a good thing going not because he did something wrong. If you accept him back you are saying you will forgive this behaviour and why should you? Good for you op.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 03/04/2025 07:50

innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 06:09

Yep- the lack of apology still has blown my mind.
Have a lovely day all x

An apology would mean him admitting his failures.

Noshowlomo · 03/04/2025 08:10

Well done OP. I can just imagine the peace and calm, and no fecking crumbs on your sofa!

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 03/04/2025 08:12

innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 05:55

I thought I'd make a new thread to let you know that I have stayed strong, am enjoying my peace (and cat).
I have to go to work very soon so I will post later this evening, but thank you all so much for your messages and support!

He has messaged to meet up but I have said no. His things are packed up and we have financial issues to sort like joint account and investments so blocking outright isn't doable yet. I am not worried for my safety.

Some lovely colleagues at work have been helpful- especially one who has been in a very similar situation in the past, who said it doesn't get better, only worse.

He's messaged the typical misses me, can't believe how things are text now, but no apology. When I told him the way I have been disrespected and then the way he spoke to me and left was shockingly undeserved, he ignored that and just kept asking me to meet him. I said no.

Well yes because he did a big man baby flounce instead of sorting his kids out, and he didn’t expect you to prefer it with him gone!

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 03/04/2025 08:13

Well done for sticking to your position! Of course he isn't sorry about flouncing out. He's sorry he's no longer got a lovely house to wreck and probably his kids are acting up. He probably wanted to tell you the sob story about how much he misses you, the kids are distraught etc. Ha! I'm glad you and the cat are happy.

thinktwice36 · 03/04/2025 08:15

Wow his reaction confirms you were correct @innersilentscreams a well done and stay strong. You have a happy peaceful time ahead x

Theunamedcat · 03/04/2025 08:15

Welcome to single cat parent life it's full of purrs and head boops

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 03/04/2025 08:15

He is humouring you right now. I bet anger kicks in soon...
Be careful op.