New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours

[innersilentscreams]

I thought I'd make a new thread to let you know that I have stayed strong, am enjoying my peace (and cat).
I have to go to work very soon so I will post later this evening, but thank you all so much for your messages and support!

He has messaged to meet up but I have said no. His things are packed up and we have financial issues to sort like joint account and investments so blocking outright isn't doable yet. I am not worried for my safety.

Some lovely colleagues at work have been helpful- especially one who has been in a very similar situation in the past, who said it doesn't get better, only worse.

He's messaged the typical misses me, can't believe how things are text now, but no apology. When I told him the way I have been disrespected and then the way he spoke to me and left was shockingly undeserved, he ignored that and just kept asking me to meet him. I said no.

Well, hardly identifiable. I imagine there's many feckless cocklodgers with their feral crotch goblins doing exactly the same to their partners across the land.
OP, given this man cannot be arsed to properly take care of his own flesh and blood, it should be no surprise to you that he doesn't give a rat's arse about mistreating you. Stop being surprised he's not apologised to you: you might as well expect a goldfish to climb a tree.

So pleased you have changed the locks and that you haven't capitulated to his request for a meeting. He just wants to jump back on the gravy train. Arsehole.

I was going to say this. How much would he normally have them over the holidays?

He's made it so clear that even if you let them back in, nothing would change.

Good for you and keep enjoying you life.

As for "Cats Before Twats"......Lovely to see such positivity about the slogan, but I can't claim it as original.
In fact, I think I first saw it on Mumsnet! It made me roar with laughter then, and I've used it many times since!
But if anyone with a canny eye for business is up for it; mug, T-shirt, etc. - I'm in!

Unfortunately I think I agree with this sentiment. I was in a relationship for two years with a very similar type of person. Looking back you realise it wasn’t really real as it were. Like what I thought ‘we’ were jointly experiencing in terms of real love and caring was not how he saw it - which is quite a revelation! How could it have been since his hot and cold behaviour about the silliest things including wanting to know things like why there was no bow on his chocolate box this Xmas when there was past Xmas (implying I love him less 🙄) makes you realise after you wer more living parallel as opposed to real bonded joint lives.

Ok I actually clicked on the Bored Panda article (I am finding it mental that both the Daily Mail and Bored Panda have picked my inner silent screams up...bit terrified I am more outed but it is what it is).

After screenshots of my original post they have summarised below:

From what OP tells us, we certainly think she’s better off without her ignorant partner and his rude and unruly kids in her life. Perhaps now she can peacefully pick up the pieces and rediscover a life worth living free of constant disrespect.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she was being unreasonable, or is enough enough? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

I have yet to read the comments but I am blown away by just how unaminous everyone has been, and how much I really was putting up with, when it was constantly excused and minimised.

Just scrubbed my floors, hoovered, and am about to relax with a lovely limencello spritzer. Still staying strong!

Cheers to all x

Did he contribute financially whilst living with you? Did he go straight to living with his parents after his divorce? Sounds like a cocklodger. Terrible they never got you Christmas or birthday cards and presents. His parents sound awful not supporting you after your bereavement. His life will get harder now with his feral kids at his parents and I am laughing thinking of them being naughty for him during the easter holidays!

Gosh no I feel the opposite. My OH is away this weekend, the house is clean, I’m going to binge White Lotus….
Oh hang on, what I’d really like is for a huge man baby to turn up with the 2025 version of Kevin and Perry. I’d be so thrilled to have them crush crisps into my carpet, scratch my Chloe sunglasses, and wipe snot all over my soft furnishings. And it would be such fun to have them shout BORING during every minute of my box set.
Why anyone would opt for peace over such a fun, fun, fun weekend I’ve no idea.

OP have you told him in words that leave no room for doubt or negotiation that it's over and he's not coming back?

I need a cat update 😀

Tell us some more about what he’s been messaging OP. I love the idea of his panicking at losing his cosy nest.

@innersilentscreams

You are doing wonderfully well! Just enjoy the peace and the purrrrrs.

how embarrassing to be back to mummy and daddy at his age.....

The OP will tell what she wants to tell when she wants to tell it. This is her life, not your soap opera.

Key words being ‘what she wants to’. Not you. So keep your beak out. This is her thread, not your space to work out your frustrations in life.

Lol... I can well believe he is horrified to realise it has ended up 'like this' ie, him crashing at his parents like a kid again, getting flack from them and probably everyone else he exposes them to over his kids being uncontrolled little arseholes... and no more free ride!

Good. He needs to grow a spine and parent his children to be pleasant humans rather than arseholes.

Hopefully he can remove his stuff ASAP (obviously at a moment convenient to you OP!) and that can be an end to it. Do not cave... if you do it will only get worse! He will not have learned, thats evident from the fact he has NOT apologised or offered any acknowledgement of his failings!

ivr lost the first thread can someone link it please

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5304943-told-my-dp-i-was-upset-by-stepkids-disrespectful-behaviour-and-now-it-looks-like-my-relationship-is-over

@innersilentscreams You’ve done the right thing. I have a teenager. She’s not a filthy disrespectful brat. His children are. I hope that you and your cat have a nice weekend.

OP, read up on "the boiled frog analogy" it will resonate i think on how you got to this place.

With easter holidays coming up, he will be back on trying to guilt you.

Let his family house Mr Snarling and his feral pups.

No longer your problem.

I will post updates, it's just I'm focusing on looking after myself at the moment, taking it slowly, resting (I haven't been sleeping well, so am exhausted). Work has been very busy, so that's been my priority.

There was a poster on the other thread I think who was asking two days after he had walked out whether I had gotten out there already with friends and hobbies...I didn't reply at the time, but wanted to say that my focus right now is just to exist, calmly, happily.
I am not yet focused on pursuing hobbies, making new friends etc. That will come soon though, when I am feeling back to my old self.

For now, trying to sleep enough, eating enough food, rest, routines, reading: this is where I am at x

And forgot to add, bagging up all their belongings today.

My mum has messaged, saying she has hoped we would have talked and sorted it out by now. That kids make relationships hard.

I said it isn't the kids, it's his lack of parenting and then walking out, as well as anger, that is the reason we are where we are.

I feel like I keep saying the same thing to both mum and my ex- that it's about the disrespect and then my feelings being minimised and dismissed. My mum's messages are making me doubt my own perception, so I have sat and read through my entire first thread.

He did excuse them, didn't offer solutions, but immediately said he wouldn't bring them round ever again, plus was packing his bags too (in the morning). Those things actually happened.

So he has messaged asking for us to talk this weekend. Still no apology. NO acknowledgement of what happened-which I pointed out.

His response was 'I always apologise when I upset you. We need to talk as there are lots of things to discuss, too much to put into messages'.

He said he 'wasn't being dismissive' did validate my feelings (!) but 'also tried to be a mediator by saying the boys are just kids'.

Feel a bit like my head is going to explode.

You do not owe anybody updates.
This is your life, not our entertainment!

You focus on yourself and what you need to do and want to do. Updating is not your priority. Or your duty. If you want to never come back and update that is fine too. You have no obligation to play out your story here for others. Please don't feel you do. Only share what you want, when and if you want.

So is he dangling the promise of an apology if you meet up with him? Arsehole. Only meet up with him with someone else there (NOT your Mum).

I'd be telling your mum not to discuss this any further with you if she can't support you in not being treated like crap by a pathetic man and his feral kids.
I have 2 dc and nephews and I can assure you it's not "just kids being kids".