My mum has messaged, saying she has hoped we would have talked and sorted it out by now. That kids make relationships hard… My mum's messages are making me doubt my own perception, so I have sat and read through my entire first thread I’m sure your mum loves you and is thinking that you might struggle being on your own, and splitting assets might leave you with less etc. Some people are always going to be of the opinion that it’s better to put up with unlimited amounts of crap in order to avoid being alone. You know that’s not true. You know that, after you’ve spent some time healing and re-discovering who you are, you’ll establish your own life again and you will be happier. That if you’d carried on, you’d have become a ghost of yourself and would eventually start believing that you didn’t matter. That is no life at all.
He did excuse them, didn't offer solutions, but immediately said he wouldn't bring them round ever again, plus was packing his bags too (in the morning) I think I remember from your other thread that when he said he wouldn’t bring them round ever again and you said ‘ok’ he then escalated by threatening to leave you. I remember thinking how bloody manipulative it sounded. First he threatens to remove his children, then when that doesn’t work, he threatens to remove himself to bring you back into line and back under his control as the mild mannered partner who lets him rule the roost. Well fuck that for a game of soldiers. What are you losing, exactly? Yes, you might have had some good times, but I bet they were all on his terms. He’s tried calling your bluff and you’ve held firm. That’s bloody admirable.
His response was 'I always apologise when I upset you Well that would be lovely if it were true, but it’s not true, is it? He’s upset you to the point where he’s left your home and you haven’t tried to stop him. And there’s still no apology. And he won’t. Because he thinks he has the high ground. If he apologises, he’s going to have to admit he was wrong. And he is never going to do that. What he wants is for you to start thinking that you can’t cope without him and ask him to come back. And he’ll pretend that he’s not sure whether it would be a good idea, and tell you how much you hurt him and his children, and get you to the point where you’ll be apologising to him and giving his horrible children free range to just destroy whatever they like.
We need to talk as there are lots of things to discuss, too much to put into messages' Don’t do it. Not yet. Give it just a bit longer, until you truly believe you have made the right decision. You’re vulnerable still at the moment. Tell him that there is nothing to discuss except the separation of your lives and you’ll set up an email address where you can communicate about that. The longer you don’t see him, the stronger you get, the more power you regain and the more you realise how badly he is treating you. He knows this and wants to get you back before you start realising how much he has taken over your life. Keep telling yourself; YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MEET WITH HIM JUST BECAUSE HE TELLS YOU HE WANTS TO TALK.
He said he 'wasn't being dismissive' did validate my feelings (!) but 'also tried to be a mediator by saying the boys are just kids' No mate, mediators are supposed to be neutral and take both sides into account. He heard what you said, and then told you to shut up, stop complaining and let his kids behave how they want and destroy whatever they want.