Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

Perhaps throw a bit of your supposed 'compassion' in the OP's direction.

"Being traumatised oneself is not a licence to traumatise others."

Girl, sit down. OP is sitting in her home while two people are trying to force themselves onto her, trespassing, waiting until her husband leaves to try their luck again and refusing to leave when told. OP is not causing anyone trauma, the people harassing her are.

She had to call her husband home from work. These people are way out of line.

YABU.

This whole dramatic affair could have been avoided with a two minute conversation, instead of dramatics and calling the actual POLICE - who have better things to do.

I don't get why you won't talk to them. They are innocent people and haven't abused you in any way. What if you are due an inheritance? Happened to someone I know. They had to do a DNA test and got a substantial sum from their abuser!

"They are innocent people and haven't abused you in any way. What if you are due an inheritance? "

You don't know they are innocent people. They are being abusive in not taking no for an answer and continuing to hound her.

As for inheritance, a lawyer or your Brit equivalent would be contacting her. Nice appeal to greed though.

And YOU have know nothing about the OP or her childhood or the various traumas she had to deal with also.

Fucking gold star for you and your willingness to be compassionate 🌟

So how vary dare you try and guilt trip the OP into dealing with a situation and people she doesn’t want to deal with.

Shame on you. For the love of God please leave this OP alone.

Yes they did eventually. After the person died. But they wanted nothing to do with the person who contacted until money was involved.

I hope they did their research and asked for advice on how to proceed when contacting potential relatives - probably not, going by what's happened already.

What they should have done is sent you a letter explaining who they are and why they are contacting you. Some history about how you are related and the option of whether you would be willing to talk to them or not.

They should enclose a stamped addressed envelope so you can reply in your own time, or not.

I'm a keen family historian of 25 years and have contacted relatives via social media & email, but I have been known to turn up on doorsteps too (more likely 20 years ago) I wouldn't do that now and definately not if they were total strangers.

If there's bad memories/relationships involved there's no wonder you're wary, frightened and alarmed at unannounced visitors at your door. You have the right to refuse any contact with them and they should respect that. Some people don't realise how intimidating their presence is.

Well done OP. This must have been a hard day for you. You have chosen to create a lovely life for yourself and family, in the present away from something so hard you have fought to forget (as you mention in your first post). You don't owe these people anything at all. Your severity of reaction speaks volumes for what you have possibly experienced before and I think some posters are missing the point hugely and possibly projecting their own experiences in terms of loss, rather than childhood trauma. Well done on your husband, and also for the courage to write the note on advice to get them gone. Feel free to bin their letter to the you and continue to choose your own life. You've made it "super" and that doesn't sound like it was easily earned. Good luck and keep going with your life as you've want.

OP I hope you're Ok.

I'm glad your DH was able to support you. Can I suggest that you do reach out for support such as counselling if this visit has been triggering for you. You deserve peace.

They might’ve been calling to tell you you’ve been left some money.

If they knock again, tell them fuck off, I don’t care who you are I’m not interested in you, if you knock again I will call the police.

Great update, OP. Sorry you’ve had this day.

Hopefully you’ll never hear from them ever again.

Carry on with your lovely life you’ve worked so hard for.

The irony

@NaiceBalonz Yeah, the OP should just put up with and accept stalking, harassment, laying in wait for her etc.

The police aren't there to keep the peace, apparently. 🙄

They are not 'innocent' people, @KhakiOrca . To quote outerspacepotato , "They somehow got her email address and when she refused contact, they somehow got her address and showed up at her home more than once. Then the two people waited until her husband left and were knocking again after having the door shut on them before. They refused to leave even after the husband told her she wouldn't speak to them. They are trying to force in person contact. They want something from OP and aren't taking no for an answer. Those are not the acts of someone with good intentions.
If it was so vital, they could contact via mail or a 3rd party like a lawyer. Instead, they trespassed."

OP's husband had to be called on from work, that's how much they were harassing her.

And I think the OP has made it more than clear she doesn't want nor give a fuck about inheritance. Nor would I want blood money either.

This thread has certainly shown who the people are who are either stalkers and steamroll over the rights of others, and/or lived a privileged Hallmark childhood so cannot understand the trauma others went through.

So once again;
it is not the OP's responsibility to speak to strangers. She owes them nothing.
It is not the OP's responsibility to fix anyone else's trauma.
It is not the OP's responsibility to re-traumatise herself to 'Be Kind' to people who have shown her no kindness at all.

The OP deserves the right to live her life in peace without being stalked and/or harassed. She owes them nothing. They owe her to leave her alone, and to have gone through proper channels instead of this ongoing stalking and harassment.

Oh why bother trying, some of these specimens on here are utterly unable to be reasoned with.

You don’t need to understand it.
OP has made it abundantly clear their childhood was traumatic and needs to remain in the past. We can take OP at their word when they say this.

OP does not exist to heal, help or fix other people. We’re not required to let people into our lives on their say so and at our expense.

OP has faced the issue head on. When their personal space & privacy was invaded by this unwelcome visitor they gave clear signals they weren’t interested in communicating. And communicated this directly via DH. That was disregarded and they placed their own needs above that of OP and remained. Even the threat of the police couldn’t move them.

No, she is not, which is clear from the OP and sebsequent posts.
But obviously you, and many others here, are. And rather than admitting that, their posts are making the OP at fault because she won't satisfy their nosiness.
So much for women supporting women.

Totally agree. Some of the responses have been just awful.

Keep your hat on i have also had siblings i didn't know about turn up in my 30s . So no im not being nosy you don't know no or my situation the question was for the OP not for some angry lady on the Internet who is acting like she knows this lady so well she can read her bloody mind.

I hope they respect your wishes now @Highfivemum and leave you in peace. Coming to your home was intrusive and entirely thoughtless.

My friend had a half sibling contact her via FB. It turned out that, in order to trace her, this person had put my friend's personal information and details of her private life (including her adoptive status, which really was no one else's business) on a missing person's page on FB. To have her personal information shared so publicly (she wasn't a 'missing person', and the half sibling lived locally, so it was all incredibly identifiable - lots of my friend's colleagues, neighbours and such like saw it on FB) was upsetting and humiliating for my friend. Needless to say she told this person to gtf.

Some people are just thoughtless (these people haven't given ANY thought to how you might feel about them coming to your home). Why would anyone think that completely disregarding your right to privacy is a good foundation for an introduction!?

If you don’t want to talk to them or read their letters, you have zero obligation. I am glad they backed off.

I don't claim to know the OPs mind, it is obvious from her posts what she is feeling and thinking, so you have that wrong.
Sorry, lovey, I am not an angry internet lady, I just have sympathy for an OP why has made it quite clear she does not want to share her back story, but is bombarded with posts which in essence, demandshe do exactly that.
How fabulous for you that relatives turned up on your doorstep - if that was acceptable to you. However, in relation to THIS post, the OP did not want the strangers turning up at her place, so for HER it was not what she wanted, and no-one here has any right to tell her she SHOULD speak to them, and/or explain the history.