Page 28 | Called the police

Highfivemum · 2025-04-02T09:41:31+00:00

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 07:10

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/04/2025 07:02

I don't claim to know the OPs mind, it is obvious from her posts what she is feeling and thinking, so you have that wrong.
Sorry, lovey, I am not an angry internet lady, I just have sympathy for an OP why has made it quite clear she does not want to share her back story, but is bombarded with posts which in essence, demandshe do exactly that.
How fabulous for you that relatives turned up on your doorstep - if that was acceptable to you. However, in relation to THIS post, the OP did not want the strangers turning up at her place, so for HER it was not what she wanted, and no-one here has any right to tell her she SHOULD speak to them, and/or explain the history.

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I never said it was fabulous for me neither have I asked for a backstory I simply asked if she was curious and let's be honest if your going to put things on mumsnet it's not going to be all friendly because it never is.i was in no way trying to be dismissive of the op feeling quite the opposite.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/04/2025 07:35

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 07:10

I never said it was fabulous for me neither have I asked for a backstory I simply asked if she was curious and let's be honest if your going to put things on mumsnet it's not going to be all friendly because it never is.i was in no way trying to be dismissive of the op feeling quite the opposite.

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I wrote, if that was fabulous for you, I did not suggest you found it so.
I did not suggest that you asked for a backstory - I read your post - you asked the OP if she was curious. But that's just another, perhaps more 'polite' way of way of you asking what they wanted in order to get the backstory.
I think you need to read posts a little more carefully

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 07:58

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/04/2025 07:35

I wrote, if that was fabulous for you, I did not suggest you found it so.
I did not suggest that you asked for a backstory - I read your post - you asked the OP if she was curious. But that's just another, perhaps more 'polite' way of way of you asking what they wanted in order to get the backstory.
I think you need to read posts a little more carefully

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No it wasn't because I don't believe the OP knows what they want and I wouldn't expect anyone to explain there childhood trauma on mumsnet.

JustMyView13 · 03/04/2025 08:01

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 07:58

No it wasn't because I don't believe the OP knows what they want and I wouldn't expect anyone to explain there childhood trauma on mumsnet.

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Why don’t you believe OP knows what they want? That’s quite a patronising stance to take, given they’ve made it abundantly clear they have no interest in bringing up the past.
A reminder they’re also not required to convince you that they know what they want.

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 08:04

JustMyView13 · 03/04/2025 08:01

Why don’t you believe OP knows what they want? That’s quite a patronising stance to take, given they’ve made it abundantly clear they have no interest in bringing up the past.
A reminder they’re also not required to convince you that they know what they want.

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Because she said she dosnt know who they are so how can she know what they want ?
Anyway I refuse to engage in anymore of this and I am going to get on with my day now lovely chatting with you .have a nice day.

UrsulasHerbBag · 03/04/2025 08:10

i am so sorry for OP here. She wrote her post and it came across how distressed she was (enough to call the police) the two strangers behaviour seems to have escalated. Whatever they want or don’t want it isn’t on OP to be forced to have contact with these people. I completely understand her need to shut this out and her fear of confronting these people, their intrusive behaviour doesn’t bode well for any respectful dialogue going forward. I hope she takes advice from posters here that are concerned for her and not the ones who seem to just want the next instalment of the story.

Fountofwisdom · 03/04/2025 08:18

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 03/04/2025 03:48

They might’ve been calling to tell you you’ve been left some money.

Bullshit. It’s not their job or place to do that, a solicitor would be in touch. They sound like lowlife with zero consideration for the OP’s feelings or privacy. She is quite right to block them and to engage the police if they continue to harass.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/04/2025 08:22

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 07:58

No it wasn't because I don't believe the OP knows what they want and I wouldn't expect anyone to explain there childhood trauma on mumsnet.

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You presume to know what the OP is thinking/ wanting, yet accused me of trying to read OPs mind a couple of posts back!
Hilarious.
Like I said, you should read the posts carefully, but also remember what you've previously written.

BloodyRacket · 03/04/2025 08:27

UrsulasHerbBag · 03/04/2025 08:10

i am so sorry for OP here. She wrote her post and it came across how distressed she was (enough to call the police) the two strangers behaviour seems to have escalated. Whatever they want or don’t want it isn’t on OP to be forced to have contact with these people. I completely understand her need to shut this out and her fear of confronting these people, their intrusive behaviour doesn’t bode well for any respectful dialogue going forward. I hope she takes advice from posters here that are concerned for her and not the ones who seem to just want the next instalment of the story.

I agree. Anyone with an ounce of empathy can see that the OP is experiencing some post trauma stress here. This whole arguing the toss and getting into angry debates on her thread is deeply insensitive and unhelpful and is likely to put off the OP and others from posting. It’s so depressing. When MN is at its best it’s so supportive and affirming. This is just awful with people caring more about point scoring and being ‘right’ than thinking about a fellow human in distress.

I hope she ignores the noise and looks after herself.

Mo819 · 03/04/2025 09:06

OP I hope your feeling better this morning I know first hand how distressing this can be . I was asking a genuine question when I asked if you are curious I was not being nosy or asking for background. I also apologise for arguing with the other poster on your thread I think your thread has really hit a nerve. Anyway I have come on to say you should make sure you reach out to the people who can best support you at this time .take care 🌹

TiggyTomCat · 03/04/2025 10:48

There can be any number of reasons why they are so damned determined to find you - some very valid. I understand totally your also very valid reasons for not wanting any contact with them. And that is absolutely what you should do if that is what you feel.
However I think I would at least get my husband to read any letter before throwing it away and he can decide on any validity to it and whether to discuss or bin.

AgingLikeGazpacho · 03/04/2025 11:17

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 23:26

Before your husband throws their letter away, he should read it, just incase it contains something important that you do need to know. He doesn't have to tell you what they wrote if it's unimportant and will cause you stress. That's what I would do anyway.

I think this too.

Personally I can't see anyone going to such lengths to speak to you in person, to just want to have a relationship with you or dredge up ages old history that you clearly have no interest in bringing up.. you made your feelings clear and they can't force a relationship on you if you don't want it, and you do have the power to control that, so there could be a genuine reason for them contacting you in this way.

Whatever it was they were so keen to discuss may have some bearing on your health or your future in some way, or even your children, so I'd definitely get DH to skim it, if there is nothing in there that will effect you or your family in any way then just bin it and you'll never have to think about them again.

But the other thing to consider is that you will also have their return contact details, so if there are any problems going forward you would be able to instruct a solicitor to stop them contacting you, I'm not sure it is something the police will really get involved with but that doesn't mean you don't have legal channels available to you.

Hopefully that is the end of it though OP.

Edited

This. At least get your DH to read the letter and bin if unimportant. I'm also thinking it might be a health issue given how insistent they're being

pinkdelight · 03/04/2025 12:03

AgingLikeGazpacho · 03/04/2025 11:17

This. At least get your DH to read the letter and bin if unimportant. I'm also thinking it might be a health issue given how insistent they're being

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You must know that some people legitimately don't want to know about health issues and that's their own decision too. The health issue and inheritance scenario has been mentioned a-plenty and the OP either knows it's not that or doesn't want to know, as is her right. Personally I think money issues are just as likely to make a person insistent but it makes no difference. OP knows the situation and doesn't want DH to read the letter, so whatever you'd do isn't relevant.

AgingLikeGazpacho · 03/04/2025 13:13

I mean...it's an advice board. OP can choose to bury her head in the sand but if it turns out she had a manageable genetic condition she opted out of learning about (which later became unmanageable due to a delay in preventative care) then that's a product of her not following the sensible advice upthread.

Any level of sensible advice is relevant 🤷‍♀️

Darker · 03/04/2025 14:20

My gut feeling is that if it was a health concern that it might benefit the OP to know about, or an unexpected legacy or something like that, the approach would have been far more respectful and careful, especially after the first approaches were unequivocally not welcomed. E.g. through a solicitor or even a letter through the door.

The way it happened suggests something else, and the persistence suggests to me that other parties that stand to benefit in some way, that they want something from the OP.

chakrakkhan · 03/04/2025 14:31

Darker · 03/04/2025 14:20

My gut feeling is that if it was a health concern that it might benefit the OP to know about, or an unexpected legacy or something like that, the approach would have been far more respectful and careful, especially after the first approaches were unequivocally not welcomed. E.g. through a solicitor or even a letter through the door.

The way it happened suggests something else, and the persistence suggests to me that other parties that stand to benefit in some way, that they want something from the OP.

That sounds far to sensible and rational for MN.

rainbowstardrops · 03/04/2025 15:51

ElaineBurdock · 02/04/2025 23:11

Before your husband throws their letter away, he should read it, just incase it contains something important that you do need to know. He doesn't have to tell you what they wrote if it's unimportant and will cause you stress. That's what I would do anyway.

I would do exactly the same. It might be something really important, such as a hereditary health condition.
Your DH should definitely read it first if you’re adamant that you won’t.

Funnywonder · 03/04/2025 16:07

I have to laugh at all the suggestions here about hereditary health conditions and inheritances. People aren’t usually that persistent for reasons of altruism. It’s because THEY want something. Information. A connection. Money. A kidney. It doesn’t have to be something bad, but it’s something they want. When someone you didn’t know existed turns up out of the blue, it’s not always hugs and tears of happiness. It happened in my family and all that happened was a big, fat, ugly mess. I’m glad the person who turned up got some answers - I really am - but that’s about it. Nothing else good came of it for any of the rest of us. If I could turn back the clock, I would.

SpoonyCat · 03/04/2025 16:49

One the important things to glean from contact with these people is how they found your name and address in the first place. I'd be quite alarmed if someone did this to me and would want to prevent it happening again

MarkingBad · 03/04/2025 16:57

Funnywonder · 03/04/2025 16:07

I have to laugh at all the suggestions here about hereditary health conditions and inheritances. People aren’t usually that persistent for reasons of altruism. It’s because THEY want something. Information. A connection. Money. A kidney. It doesn’t have to be something bad, but it’s something they want. When someone you didn’t know existed turns up out of the blue, it’s not always hugs and tears of happiness. It happened in my family and all that happened was a big, fat, ugly mess. I’m glad the person who turned up got some answers - I really am - but that’s about it. Nothing else good came of it for any of the rest of us. If I could turn back the clock, I would.

Same happened to another part of my family, it was awful, definitely not hugs and happiness, they are still living with the consequences and disruption 20 years on.

Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie and get on with your life.

And you are right it is about what they want, not what is good or right for OP. All this happy family, wanting to give something rather than take, guff is from TV BS and not real life. No one is standing around outside someones house who won't speak to them unless they really want to force something on them, there is nothing nice about this at all. It is like they feel owed something but it's not on the OP or her DB to give it to them, they certainly wouldn't be making her life a misery if it was something lovely.

Member984815 · 03/04/2025 17:00

It's my feeling they are people who op is no contact with and like a lot of people who have been cut off they 'don't know why ' and keep pushing to be back in their lives through some invented emergency or just plain entitlement.

WearyAuldWumman · 03/04/2025 17:00

Funnywonder · 03/04/2025 16:07

I have to laugh at all the suggestions here about hereditary health conditions and inheritances. People aren’t usually that persistent for reasons of altruism. It’s because THEY want something. Information. A connection. Money. A kidney. It doesn’t have to be something bad, but it’s something they want. When someone you didn’t know existed turns up out of the blue, it’s not always hugs and tears of happiness. It happened in my family and all that happened was a big, fat, ugly mess. I’m glad the person who turned up got some answers - I really am - but that’s about it. Nothing else good came of it for any of the rest of us. If I could turn back the clock, I would.

Someone close to me contacted a half-sibling in the hope that his mother might still be alive. Sadly, she'd died of cancer only a few years previously.

Fortunately, his half-siblings were happy to make contact once they'd got over the shock. He never did get all the answers he was looking for, but the circumstantial evidence provided by his siblings suggested that he'd been wanted by his birth mother.

40YearOldDad · 03/04/2025 17:04

SpoonyCat · 03/04/2025 16:49

One the important things to glean from contact with these people is how they found your name and address in the first place. I'd be quite alarmed if someone did this to me and would want to prevent it happening again

Knowing a name and region, it wouldn't take much to get an address for someone.

WearyAuldWumman · 03/04/2025 17:05

40YearOldDad · 03/04/2025 17:04

Knowing a name and region, it wouldn't take much to get an address for someone.

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If they're on the open electoral roll, you can get it in 5 minutes.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 03/04/2025 17:17

WearyAuldWumman · 03/04/2025 17:00

Someone close to me contacted a half-sibling in the hope that his mother might still be alive. Sadly, she'd died of cancer only a few years previously.

Fortunately, his half-siblings were happy to make contact once they'd got over the shock. He never did get all the answers he was looking for, but the circumstantial evidence provided by his siblings suggested that he'd been wanted by his birth mother.

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That's the kind of scenario I had in mind, but the haters gotta hate!! Rude and vile.