Called the police

[Highfivemum]

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

"If I thought there might be something I could do to alleviate the suffering of another human being, particularly if they might be my sibling, then personally I would feel I had to do it."

You could help to alleviate the suffering of the OP by laying off trying to guilt trip her. Hopefully you will feel the need to do that

Of course she has. She’s told you she likes her life how it is. She’s shown how these people just showing up have destabilised it and created trauma where there was hard won peace. Where on earth do you get this nothing to lose notion from? Does her well being mean nothing? Do you think people cut themselves off from their past and their families for nothing? Just so they can sacrifice all that work getting their shit together for strangers? Which is who these people are, so I don’t know why you’re getting dewy eyed over fantasy siblings. Even people who know their siblings don’t necessarily think they’re so saintly and want them around. OP is very far from being a bleeding heart for long lost family and for good reason. You’re never gonna get it though cos you’re living in some Long Lost Family fantasy instead of Con Mum or something even worse.

Who else thinks @mainecooncatonahottinroof is one of the "siblings"?

I would be polite, intrigued and protective of my self.

I would not open the door but I would ask them to identify themselves in writing and write a letter and place it in my letter box, along with details of how to contact them.
Once you receive the letter I would do a full investigation and go from there.
If you find they are fraudsters or up to no good, you at least have a piece of evidence to take to the Police and contact details so you can take out a restraining order against them.

Childhood trauma is deep-seated and profound. Until you experience it or witness it, you will never understand how visceral it is.
I'm lucky enough to have had a loving childhood but I've seen the effects of childhood trauma in my own mother when the protective walls she built were at risk of been broken down. I've seen the panic, the pain and the determination never to go back there or to risk our happiness by letting those who hurt her come anywhere close.

Please do not judge OP. If you Don understand, you have no idea how damaging childhood trauma can be. Its effects lasts forever.

Nah, I had two very married parents who adored each other - no complications. Nice try!

I don't think you're a sibling, but I think you are less kind that you think you are, and very blinkered by your happy childhood as to the extent to which other people's childhoods may be the opposite

I don't care what shit gets flung at me, but it baffles me that someone who has clearly experienced childhood trauma, and has moved on, would deny potential siblings the opportunity to do the same.

You can insult me and call me as many names as you like. I don't care. I think the OP should reconsider and I couldn't give an actual damn what nasty people say about me.

I think you are talking nonsense. You don't know anything about my childhood.

Quelle surprise. Well guess what, OP had it harder than your Hallmark life and isn’t quite as naive about reopening childhood wounds.

Nor do you know anything of the OP's, so how about you leave off her

Um, apart from what you literally just posted. Anyway, it’s clearly pointless engaging with you as you’re missing every point spectacularly.

The OP doesn't want to engage with these strangers.
Respect the decision and move on.
Personally, I'm wishing her all the best.

Well I won't be interacting any further with you either, so I am more than happy!

There's been some real peaches on this thread! 😂

Exactly. I agree.

Perhaps these people suffered something similar. They do desperately want to tell her something. It would be the compassionate thing to do to at least hear or read what they want to communicate. And it could be something important that OP needs to know.

Obviously you have never experienced childhood trauma yourself so you have no idea how vital it is to protect oneself in whatever way possible.

Listen, there is no point in trying to reason with some people.

I'm giving up and I recommend you should do the same. No point in putting up with abuse because of your opinion x

experienced childhood trauma, and has moved on

With kindness, OP hasn't been able to move on, she is stuck in a limbo stage on not dealing with her past issues but successfully ignoring them.

I've had to compartmentalise aspects of my life and childhood due to trauma.

Like OP, my peace is only achieved by never seeing, never speaking about, thinking about, or acknowledging what has happened in the past, because some things you just can't move on from so you have to almost pretend they didn't happen.. it is really not healthy IMO, but if it works it works.

I had a similar thing happen to OP, I was forced to make a choice, carry on ignoring and pretending, or confront and hope to get some sort of closure, I decided to confront and it was the best thing I ever did to be fair, nothing changed in any way, apart from the way I felt from then on, I felt I could move on and not actually care anymore, rather than pretend not to care.

These people aren't the ones responsible for OPs childhood trauma, they are just a reminder of it, so I do think it would have been better for OP to have shut down the original contact via email, or failing that to shutdown the visits by leaving a note or handing over a note when they came back to that effect, I think ignoring problems that can easily come and find you means you are never going to be free of them, so if you (understandably) don't want to confront, then the best you can do is make your position abundantly clear and hope they have it in themselves to respect your wishes.

Not specifying your wishes, really will leave things open to interpretation and leave you open for future contact attempts.

How very dare you make such an assumption. Such high-handed arrogance! And ignorance. You know nothing about me or my childhood or the various traumas I have had to deal with. Throughout them, however, I think I have always managed to maintain a willingness to be as compassionate as I can to others' difficulties. Being traumatised oneself is not a licence to traumatise others. And don't lecture me about the need to protect myself. I know all about that already. Unbelievable.

It isn't the OPs question on whether they should or should not speak to the callers. Posters have just waded in with their opinions.

At the end of the day the OP needs to do what is right for themselves, they know the situation best and doesn't want to discuss that part.

Thank you Maine. You are right. I am going to stop now.

Who else thinks you are making pointless, stupid comments?

With kindness, OP hasn't been able to move on, she is stuck in a limbo stage on not dealing with her past issues but successfully ignoring them

Ah the confidence of armchair psychologists. We all deal with things differently and at different stages. You arrived at the stage you're at when you were ready to take that step. The OP is at the stage she's ready for right now.

Lets just respect that before wading in with size twelves telling her how she 'should' react.

They somehow got her email address and when she refused contact, they somehow got her address and showed up at her home more than once. Then the two people waited until her husband left and were knocking again after having the door shut on them before. They refused to leave even after the husband told her she wouldn't speak to them. They are trying to force in person contact. They want something from OP and aren't taking no for an answer. Those are not the acts of someone with good intentions.

If it was so vital, they could contact via mail or a 3rd party like a lawyer. Instead, they trespassed.

They've been more than pushy and I'm getting truly shady vibes here. OP, keep your phone charged up and on you at all times. You might want to share your location with your husband. Be very very very careful what you write to them.

OP has also said she hasn't used an Ancestry site.