Page 25 | Called the police

Highfivemum · 2025-04-02T09:41:31+00:00

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

SonK · 02/04/2025 23:02

Please be careful - this could be a targeted scam where they rush in and try to burgle you. It has happened to someone I know

I think you may have done the right thing notifying police x

Original poster

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 23:02

Just a quick update. Thank u for your comments. They have most definitely gone now and the police are aware, can’t really say much more. It has been a very long day and one I would like to forget. As for any letter that arrives here my DH will deal with it which will mean throwing it in the bin. Whatever they have to say I do not want to hear . I have a super life now and am not interested in any part of the past.

OP posts:

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 23:04

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 22:20

She’s had to placate them with an offer to read a letter in order to get them off her property.

Why do you have to make things up? She wrote them a note which was passed via DH, they then told DH that they would send her a letter instead and they hoped that she would read it.

She didn't have to placate them with anything, she told them she wouldn't be communicating with them in person and they left.

Why invent scenarios that don't exist?

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Her DH told them twice to leave and they refused. She had slammed the door in their faces three times making it very clear she did not want to communicate with them, they ignored that. They refused to accept her very clear “no”. They only finally left when she wrote them a note essentially agreeing to communicate with them, ie when she gave them what they were demanding. Yes she had to placate them to make them go away. They should never have showed up on her doorstep in the first place, and they should never have hung around after she’d shut the door on them, but having done that they definitely should have left the first time they were told to. The only left when she gave in. How do you not see that?

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 23:06

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 23:04

Her DH told them twice to leave and they refused. She had slammed the door in their faces three times making it very clear she did not want to communicate with them, they ignored that. They refused to accept her very clear “no”. They only finally left when she wrote them a note essentially agreeing to communicate with them, ie when she gave them what they were demanding. Yes she had to placate them to make them go away. They should never have showed up on her doorstep in the first place, and they should never have hung around after she’d shut the door on them, but having done that they definitely should have left the first time they were told to. The only left when she gave in. How do you not see that?

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They only finally left when she wrote them a note essentially agreeing to communicate with them..

Again, just completely made up.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 23:06

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 23:02

Just a quick update. Thank u for your comments. They have most definitely gone now and the police are aware, can’t really say much more. It has been a very long day and one I would like to forget. As for any letter that arrives here my DH will deal with it which will mean throwing it in the bin. Whatever they have to say I do not want to hear . I have a super life now and am not interested in any part of the past.

You sound much more confident OP, I’m so glad. You’ve been through quite an ordeal, take care of yourself.

I think it’s highly unlikely they’ll stop trying if you ignore the letter. Keep the police updated on any incidents. And please get a door camera.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 23:07

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 23:06

They only finally left when she wrote them a note essentially agreeing to communicate with them..

Again, just completely made up.

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Nope, literally what happened. Maybe you need to reread the OPs posts.

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 23:09

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 22:41

They refused to leave until she agreed to a letter. It's sinister.

No they haven't.. why do you keep making up things that haven't happened?

They refused to leave until they had talked with her, she finally communicated with them (via letter) and then they left, then they said upon leaving they would write a letter in the hopes that she would read that instead.

She could have communicated her unwillingness to speak about anything to do with her family history from the beginning, instead of just ignoring their presence and leave them scratching their heads as to what they should do next, no one knows what they have to talk to OP about, they obviously feel it is extremely important AND private, but now they have a channel open for relaying whatever information they need to relay, so hopefully that will be the end of it, OPs DH can read the letter and decide it is something in OPs interest to know about.

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It’s no good saying ‘she could have communicated her unwillingness…’ etc etc. All you’re doing is proving (yet again) that you’ve misunderstood the fundamental fact that she could not have communicated anything more than what she managed by shutting the door. She had a traumatised response that they triggered and that escalated as a result of their actions. If you keep acting as though she was in any state of mind to behave as you say, then you’re completely missing the point. She’s not some calm clear headed communicator in this scenario. She’s in panic mode to the extent that she called the police. If you can’t put yourself in those shoes and insist on treating it like she could’ve handled it with aplomb, you’re frankly delusional, or just very thick-skinned.

ElaineBurdock · 02/04/2025 23:11

Before your husband throws their letter away, he should read it, just incase it contains something important that you do need to know. He doesn't have to tell you what they wrote if it's unimportant and will cause you stress. That's what I would do anyway.

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 23:12

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 23:07

Nope, literally what happened. Maybe you need to reread the OPs posts.

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She hasn't agreed to do anything.. I think you need to re-read.

DevilledEgg · 02/04/2025 23:12

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mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:13

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 23:02

Just a quick update. Thank u for your comments. They have most definitely gone now and the police are aware, can’t really say much more. It has been a very long day and one I would like to forget. As for any letter that arrives here my DH will deal with it which will mean throwing it in the bin. Whatever they have to say I do not want to hear . I have a super life now and am not interested in any part of the past.

I'm sorry, and I obviously I don't know your history, but I don't understand why you would throw any letter in the bin with no consideration.

I think it would be way more productive all round if you faced the issue head on, and then one way or the other, put it to bed. Why are you so adamant that you won't take on board whatever it is that they have to say? Do you think you know what it is that they want to communicate? They are unlikely to go away if you don't hear them out.

I'm glad you have a "super life" now but they may not have been so fortunate? Maybe whatever it is that they want to know from you would give them closure to have a "super life" too?

I just don't understand this.

Sleepington · 02/04/2025 23:15

A camera doorbell is a great idea.

I think, if you called the police, whatever happened in the past, may have involved the courts/police too and if so, it is a good thing to have the police in the loop now. I hope the police gave you some advice about how to react when/if they contact you again.

I don't know how easy it is but I think you can contact google to have any mention of you that may be on the internet removed and removed from their cache too?

I know it seems too late when these people already have your address and seem very determined to find you, but it may be worth thinking about.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 23:15

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 23:12

She hasn't agreed to do anything.. I think you need to re-read.

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Just did, and I stand corrected on that point, they said about writing a letter not her. Doesn’t change the fact they forced her to communicate directly with them herself by writing the note rather than leaving when her husband told her to. It was made abundantly clear to them that she did not want to communicate with them, but they refused to give up until she caved in.

AmateurDad · 02/04/2025 23:15

BlondiePortz · 02/04/2025 10:58

So what do you think the police can do.

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Ahem, she has already said she is not sure they can do anything but that contacting them was an act of desperation.

Italiangreyhound · 02/04/2025 23:15

I am glad they have gone and you definitely did not overact in calling the police. It was the right thing to do.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:16

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Do you have any idea how ridiculous this post is?

You are aware I presume that "stalkers" are not common? Or "incels"?

Sleepington · 02/04/2025 23:17

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:13

I'm sorry, and I obviously I don't know your history, but I don't understand why you would throw any letter in the bin with no consideration.

I think it would be way more productive all round if you faced the issue head on, and then one way or the other, put it to bed. Why are you so adamant that you won't take on board whatever it is that they have to say? Do you think you know what it is that they want to communicate? They are unlikely to go away if you don't hear them out.

I'm glad you have a "super life" now but they may not have been so fortunate? Maybe whatever it is that they want to know from you would give them closure to have a "super life" too?

I just don't understand this.

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I don't understand why you are choosing not to hear the OP. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something traumatic happened in the OP's past. It could be any matter of things.

She has moved on. Why do you think she doesn't have the right to move on with her life without having the past forced back into her present life?

Mo819 · 02/04/2025 23:17

Are you not a bit curious as to what they want OP ?

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:21

Sleepington · 02/04/2025 23:17

I don't understand why you are choosing not to hear the OP. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something traumatic happened in the OP's past. It could be any matter of things.

She has moved on. Why do you think she doesn't have the right to move on with her life without having the past forced back into her present life?

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And I don't understand why the OP is choosing not to hear what they want to say.

How can you possibly make a rational decision if you don't know what you are deciding on?!

She may have moved on now but her past still remains. Maybe these siblings could also move on if their past was clarified, but without speaking to them, who knows?!

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 23:23

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:13

I'm sorry, and I obviously I don't know your history, but I don't understand why you would throw any letter in the bin with no consideration.

I think it would be way more productive all round if you faced the issue head on, and then one way or the other, put it to bed. Why are you so adamant that you won't take on board whatever it is that they have to say? Do you think you know what it is that they want to communicate? They are unlikely to go away if you don't hear them out.

I'm glad you have a "super life" now but they may not have been so fortunate? Maybe whatever it is that they want to know from you would give them closure to have a "super life" too?

I just don't understand this.

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Millions of strangers will have less fortunate lives than the OP and she is under no obligation to take any interest in any of them just because they knock on her door one day (and the next and the next and write to her). As you say, you obviously don’t understand and never will, even though it’s really not hard.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:25

pinkdelight · 02/04/2025 23:23

Millions of strangers will have less fortunate lives than the OP and she is under no obligation to take any interest in any of them just because they knock on her door one day (and the next and the next and write to her). As you say, you obviously don’t understand and never will, even though it’s really not hard.

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The failure to understand is on you. Personally, I would not be able to reject potential siblings out of hand in this situation.

The OP has nothing to lose by hearing them out.

sandyhappypeople · 02/04/2025 23:26

Before your husband throws their letter away, he should read it, just incase it contains something important that you do need to know. He doesn't have to tell you what they wrote if it's unimportant and will cause you stress. That's what I would do anyway.

I think this too.

Personally I can't see anyone going to such lengths to speak to you in person, to just want to have a relationship with you or dredge up ages old history that you clearly have no interest in bringing up.. you made your feelings clear and they can't force a relationship on you if you don't want it, and you do have the power to control that, so there could be a genuine reason for them contacting you in this way.

Whatever it was they were so keen to discuss may have some bearing on your health or your future in some way, or even your children, so I'd definitely get DH to skim it, if there is nothing in there that will effect you or your family in any way then just bin it and you'll never have to think about them again.

But the other thing to consider is that you will also have their return contact details, so if there are any problems going forward you would be able to instruct a solicitor to stop them contacting you, I'm not sure it is something the police will really get involved with but that doesn't mean you don't have legal channels available to you.

Hopefully that is the end of it though OP.

WinterMorn · 02/04/2025 23:29

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What a fatuous comment. Do you actually understand the language you are using?

CatsWhiskerz · 02/04/2025 23:30

Very bizarre, maybe they need some information, closure etc?

Sleepington · 02/04/2025 23:30

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/04/2025 23:25

The failure to understand is on you. Personally, I would not be able to reject potential siblings out of hand in this situation.

The OP has nothing to lose by hearing them out.

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Did you miss the part where the OP said she had a 'very difficult and traumatic childhood'.

What are the 8 childhood traumas?

What are the 8 major childhood traumas? The major childhood traumas include physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical neglect, emotional neglect, exposure to domestic violence, experiencing serious accidents or natural disasters, and loss of a parent or caregiver.

Please stop being naive and use your head.

Why do you think the OP needs to relive this?